


The Story Teller (Destiel)

by angel_jpg



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 3rd person, Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Best Friends, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Canon Castiel, Canon Dean, Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester Being an Asshole, M/M, Mental Breakdown, POV Alternating, Protective Dean Winchester, There's also some homophobia but none of it is internalized
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-04
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-04-07 16:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 46,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4270656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_jpg/pseuds/angel_jpg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Senior year brings all sorts of new experiences into Castiel's life, but his favourite is probably bad boy Dean Winchester. He figured it'd be easy enough to get through one last hellish year of school until this green eyed boy with a Hollywood smile moved in.</p><p>At the beginning, they're as different as night and day. But a mysterious, awkward, teenage force brings them together, and with it comes many new experiences and trials. Will the pair make it through? Only one way to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sugar and Spice

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite of a version I wrote 2 years ago and never finished. I posted a bit of it on my old account here, so if this seems familiar to you, that's why.

_August 20, Thursday, 7:14am_

 

"Anna, do we have any sugar?" Castiel asked, jutting out his jaw slightly as he walked right past Gabriel. He had done it in an attempt to piss him off, to show him that he didn't care, he guessed, but no avail. Gabriel was too sleepy to notice or care, instead he dropped into a swivel stool at the counter in the kitchen, rubbing his face with his hands.

"Uhh," Anna's brows knitted together for a minute as she thought, before reaching up to the cupboard above the cooker. Inside was a bunch of different sauces and spices and herbs. She took out a small, square container and gave it to her youngest brother, who shook as much as he could onto his Kellogg's cereal. Anna insisted they ate Kellogg's for breakfast, as she wanted them to stay healthy, but she'd gave up protesting to Castiel burying the cereal in sugar ages ago.

Starving, Castiel dug up a large spoonful of sugary goodness, shoved it into his mouth, and immediately spat it out, gagging on the sharp sting of salt.

"GABRIEL!" Castiel slammed his spoon against the table before running to the sink and splashing water on his tongue to try and soothe it, spitting out the sticky clumps of milky salt at the same time. Gabriel was fully awake now, as he stumbled off of the stool, his taunting laughter echoing around the large kitchen. He clutched his stomach and gasped for breath as his shoulders shook up and down uncontrollably.

A bit of an overreaction, Castiel thought.

He wiped his mouth with a scratchy towel as Anna stood with a scowl on her face and her arms crossed.

"What? Oh, come on, it was a joke!" Gabriel had finally composed himself and stood small in his blue pyjamas, arms spread wide in a what-did-i-do-wrong? gesture. Anna sighed long and deep, not noticing Castiel slinking away to brush his teeth twenty times over to get rid of the salt.

"Nobody's laughing Gabriel. These dumb 'pranks' got old long ago. How old are you?" Anna said tiredly, actually using air quotes at the word 'pranks'. She then busied herself by dumping the ruined cereal into the trash can, and scrubbed the bowl. "Honestly, I feel like a Mom sometimes." she mumbled to herself. Anna had dished out many longer speeches about Gabriel's pranks in the past, and the answer was always the same:

"I think it's funny, you ought to find a good sense of humour," and he turned to leave, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl on his way out.

After dressing in a simple grey tee and jeans outfit, complete with a navy blue hoodie he'd had since forever, Castiel had twenty minutes until school began.

School was not an experience that Castiel enjoyed. He felt like the people that insisted high school was the best time of your life were the very same people that it made it living hell for the ones like him.

First of all, he was smart. The only grade he'd ever recieved that wasn't an A was an A-, and for the most part, he didn't have to try. A few hours alone with his books and flashcards was all he needed to sail through tests and exams without a sweat. The other smarties of senior year envied him for this, so to them he was just competition. They weren't interested in befriending him, only overtaking him.

The not-so-smarties took notice of him, but only when they were forcing his homework out of his hands to copy answers, or when they were sniggering at him behind his back. And it was miserable. It was a miserable thing to have to endure seven hours of school five days a week all by yourself, when everyone around you was laughing and chatting in large groups.

To be fair, he did have someone. Her name was Becky, but she wasn't his friend, despite what she said. All she was was the ditzy, giggly girl who followed Castiel around everywhere. He really regretted that day a little more than a year ago where he picked up her dropped books from the floor. After that, she clung on to him like a leech.

Castiel's brother Gabriel, on the other hand, was another story. He was part of the crowd that made high school life sucky for the ones with less friends, much to Castiel's disgust. The Novak family had moved around a couple of times in their life, and at each school it was always Gabriel - the witty, charismatic brother - who was invited to the cool kid tables, leaving Castiel in the shadows. He doubted anyone even knew they were related.

Last year, when they joined the school, Anna had found a small but close circle of friends, and others in the school had no beef with her, as she was always kind and willing to help out. On the days he was feeling particularly low, Castiel had tagged along with her group at lunch, but he really didn't want to be the guy whose only friend was his sister. Besides, this year she was off to college to study geography, or something. She said too many things for Castiel to really remember. She wanted to become a teacher at some point.

Castiel yawned, deliberately not looking at his bed because he knew that if he did, he'd crawl right back in, and proceeded to walk down the stairs. Quickly, because as much as he detested school, he didn't want to be late. Especially not on the first day back.

After being tripped over by Gabriel, he left the house and made his way down the street. The Novak family lived in a large, fancy neighbourhood, made up of clean, new houses with tidy, floral gardens and expensive cars parked in the street. Everybody had a garage, they just wanted to show off their cars. Had he owned a car, Castiel would have worried about it being broken into or something. But he didn't have to worry about that, as the only car parked in front of their house belonged to his father.

The houses were built only two years ago, across the street from some... older houses. They'd been around since the 70's at least, and most of the residents seemed to have given up with basic maintenance. Castiel had never known anyone that lived there, but it seemed to house more teenaged people than his side of the neighborhood. On his side it was mainly elderly people that had plenty of cash to splash out, or new families with young children, probably no older than ten.

As Castiel dawdled down the main street, earbuds in while he gazed up at the pale morning sky, he noticed a figure to the right. His hood was pulled over his head, hiding his face, but he seemed to nod at Castiel. Probably just to be friendly, but for some reason Castiel didn't nod back. Unused to people paying attention to him in little ways like that, he just jerked his head away to face forwards and continued walking, suddenly very aware of his footsteps. He kept his eyes focused forwards and hoped he didn't run into him at school.

*

It was the start of the school year, and Castiel was now a senior. The only senior that still had not one single friend (Becky really didn't count).

In homeroom, after roll call was complete and everybody had a brand new timetable in their hands, the intercom buzzed. Nobody bothered to look up, but the teacher hushed them.

"Castiel Novak, report to the main office. Repeat: Castiel Novak to the main office please."

A few people turned to ogle him, but most of them didn't even know who that was. Castiel heard somebody discreetly ask what the hell kind of name Castiel was. Eyes wide at the fact he'd just been called out of class via intercom for the first time in his life, Castiel promptly cleared his throat before slinging his bag over his shoulder and making his way to the office.

When he approached, he saw that the double glass doors were already open, and one of the office assistants was talking to a man who had to be a foot taller than her. Her eyes drifted towards Castiel, and she clapped her hands together before guiding the man around with a hand on his shoulder.

And Castiel's breath caught in his throat. The man's face was set in a very stoic position, but he raised his fair eyebrows at Castiel when he saw him. His features were very defined, a chiseled jaw and bright green eyes that bore into Castiel intimidatingly. He held his shoulders back as he looked down at Castiel. He wore a scruffy leather jacket that looked as if it had spent hours baking in the sun, and the collar was flipped up at the back, completing his rugged, bad-boy look.

Castiel swallowed.

"Hi,"

"Hey,"

"Castiel! Hello, so this--" the office assistant, whose name tag read Mrs L Marshall, gestured to Dean with a sweep of her arm, "is Dean Winchester. It's his first day, and you were selected to show him the ropes, as they say," she chuckled to herself.

Castiel stuck his hand out without really thinking, and Dean looked at it for half a second before meeting his eye again, his left eyebrow still raised. But he took his hand and Castiel tried not to focus on how firm his grip was, as neither of them took their eyes away from the other. Dean was staring right into him, almost examining him. And Castiel, being stubborn as he was, stared right back, but all he could think about was how they'd been shaking hands for a while. As if reading his thoughts, Dean reeled his hand back and diverted his eyes, darting his tongue out over his lip quickly.

"So you're Castiel Novak," he said, voice gruff. Castiel felt like he was making his voice lower than it ordinarily was.

"Yes." he said. Then the air felt too empty, so he added, "Welcome to the school,"

"Yeah, thanks, it's a delight to be here," he said, and leaned back on the desk, looking out the window. Sarcasm. Okay.

"Well, Dean, I'm glad you're so optimistic," Mrs Marshall chirped, electing to ignore how weird that interaction between the two boys had been. Castiel cocked his head to look at her, slightly bewildered. "Castiel is in the majority of your classes, and has been here for a year now, so he's well suited to show you where everything is, and tell you anything else you may need to know. Dean nodded, his lips tightly pressed together as if he couldn't bear being in that room even a second longer. Conveniently, the office phone rang just then, and Mrs Marshall dismissed then quickly.

When they were out of the office with the door closed behind them, Castiel offered a small smile to Dean, to try and appear friendly. He didn't have a lot of experience with talking to people, but people liked people that smiled, right? Dean just stared at him a moment, before holding up his timetable.

"So where's English, with Mr Zeddmore," he said flatly, as if it was a statement rather than a question. Castiel inwardly frowned at how serious he seemed to be, and was abut to ask if he was okay, when he considered that he didn't look like the kind of guy to spill out all his worries and woes to a boy he just met. Instead, Castiel shook his head and peered at the timetable.

"He's two floors up. I'm in his class too, follow me," he said, and turned to walk away, taking long strides to catch Dean off guard. It worked, as he paused for a moment then swore before starting after him.

"So where were you before here?" Castiel asked, for once preferring to speak, rather than to be in silence.

"What?" Dean asked in return. Castiel immediately assumed that Dean wasn't used to people asking him personal questions. Either that or he just didn't want anyone to.

"What school did you attend before the summer," he reiterated.

"Uhh, Lawrence High School." Castiel waited for the teen to say more, but he didn't.

"I have some family in Kansas. Not in Lawrence though," he said.

"I probably didn't know them, then," Dean replied, and Castiel didn't have to turn around to know that Dean was smirking at what he'd said.

"Okay. Why did you move?"

"Personal reasons,"

Dean had followed him through a series of corridors to the right wing stairs, and they began to climb up, footsteps echoing the empty brick halls.

"I see," and he didn't say another word until a few moments later, when they were just outside Mr Zeddmore's brightly decorated classroom.

"Do you know anyone here?" he asked, imagining Dean Winchester to be more of a lone wolf, but everybody had to have somebody, right. Even if that somebody was a Becky. This was looking like an opportunity for Castiel to snatch a new friend, for the first time in six years.

"Yeah, actually. Jo Harvelle. Know her?" Dean said, looking impatient. Opportunity gone.

"I know who she is."

"Yeah, old family friend. Be nice to see her again. So we gonna go in or not?"

Castiel flinched at how annoyed he sounded. Good start at friendship, Castiel.

"In just a moment. I want to see where your next class is," he held out his hand, and Dean placed the sheet of paper in it. It had already been folded and creased, despite how he couldn't have had it more than half an hour. Castiel studied it for a moment.

"Okay, I'm in a different classroom, so here--" he stuffed the paper back in Dean's hand, whipped out a pen from his pocket, and grabbed Dean's hand, intending to draw a map, since it wasn't far from where they were now. But a look of disgust plastered over Dean's face - the first expression of the day that wasn't blank, and it wasn't a good one to start with.

"The hell you doing?" he grumbled, snatching his hand back and holding it in the other, now looking deeply offended. This is just getting worse and worse, Castiel thought.

"I... I was going to draw a map," he said, and when he said it out loud, he realised how childish the idea was. It sounded like he was a five year old playing pirates - routing out a path to treasure,

"Can't you just give me directions?"

"...Yes. Go that way--" he pointed behind Dean, "take a right, then another right, and it's the second door,"

"Right, thanks," he said, before pushing past Castiel to go into Mr Zeddmore's. Castiel followed, even all the way to the back corner where Dean plopped down beside the window. When he noticed Castiel close on his heel, he looked at him with stone cold eyes, and dumped his bag on the empty seat next to him. Castiel bit his tongue, insisted he'd just imagined the little bolt of pain in his chest, then trudged to the only other vacant seat.

Right at the opposite corner from Dean.

*

After a fifteen minute recess spent listening to Becky babble on and on about her trip to Greece (Castiel had ignored her attempts to contact him over summer but it didn't seem to bother her), the bell rang for third period. Algebra.

His new teacher turned out to be the meanest, most sarcastic teacher in the entire school. Mr Crowley was notorious in the school for choosing one student in each class to bully, for no reason whatsoever. Every year. Everyone looked nervous as they lined up outside his classroom - there was no way to tell who would be the victim this year. Castiel had been with him last year, and thankfully he wasn't the victim. It had been a chubby girl with braces, who took a while to catch on, so it was understandable why she'd be picked on, but he'd heard that one of the jocks who was actually of average intelligence had been the victim the year before. He was pretty normal, but Crowley still found a way to bully him.

He always did.

After seating them in alphabetical order, starting from the front, Crowley gave a long, boring speech about how he wanted them to try their best, blah blah blah. He earned a laugh from more than a few students when he said he would tolerate no form of bullying in his class. Castiel was sitting at the far right in the second last row, and he memorized Dean's seat, in the black left corner. If he shifted to an exact position, he could glance over to him every now and then without it being too obvious.

To begin the class, Crowley thought it would be a great idea to play a "challenging game" where each person in the class had three seconds to mentally answer a simple multiplication or division question. He was picking people at random, and so far, everybody had answered correctly. When Castiel's turn rolled around, his question was 32 divided by 4, which was easy peasy. Of course, he answered correctly, and he slackened his shoulders to lean back in his seat, relieved that he could now sit and listen to others answering their questions. That's what Castiel liked to do best in class. He was fine just sitting at the back, listening and quietly taking notes.

"And last but not least, Dean Winchester!" He banged his fist against Dean's desk, causing him to jolt out of his daydream. Dean swung forwards in his chair and folded his arms across the desk as he squinted up at the teacher with wide, bright eyes. This almost made Castiel melt. Seriously? It shouldn't be legal for one boy to be so pretty when he's just sitting there like that. Crowley leaned in close to him, and he either didn't notice or didn't care that Dean was shuffling back a little. Obviously uncomfortable with the close proximity.

"What is three hundred and twenty two," his voice boomed out loud, before he paused to waltz to the front of the classroom, "divided by fourteen?"

Dean's lips parted and and his brows furrowed, staring at her. The previous silence broke into a chorus of murmurs as people shifted in their chairs, muttering about how his question was way harder than the previous ones. Nobody really liked Dean, but they hated Crowley even more, and seized every opportunity to bitch about him. Crowley made a huge show of holding up his watch to time Dean's three seconds exactly.

"Time's up, Dean!" he announced, clapping his hands together. Dean stayed still in his chair, staring right up at Crowley with his eyebrows knitted together, a very confused look on his face.

"What the-"

"Aw, you didn't get it, how unfortunate," he tried to pout, but the corners of his lips seemed to be pulled upwards by invisible fish hooks.

"But you-"

"Ruby!" he snapped her fingers in front of a random girl's face, completely ignoring Dean as he held his lips together and continued to glare at him, looking very pissed off. Ruby shrank back in her chair as Crowley leaned all over her desk; once again, invading personal space.

"Can YOU tell me what one three hundred and twenty two divided by fourteen is?" he didn't time Ruby, who tried to hide her hands under the desk as she counted on her fingers. After thinking for a while, she finally spoke up.

"Twenty... three?" She asked hopefully. Crowley just stared at her blankly for a moment, his lips pressed tightly together, before quietly telling her that she was correct.

"Dean Winchester, you were the only person in the class today to answer a question wrong. How does that make you feel?"

"Mistreated!" He snapped. Crowley chuckled and turned to walk to his desk.

"Mistreated my ass! I know you're smart, Dean, I thought you'd get it right," he said. Dean sighed and leaned back in his seat, rubbing his face with his hand as he stared out of the window again. "You know, acting dumb isn't attractive, Dean. Your good looks alone won't get you far in life!" This earned a few laughs, but Dean was focused on staring out the window, still frowning.

"Anyway! Moving on!" And with that, he turned to the whiteboard to scribble down a method Dean could've used to answer correctly on time.

*

It was now his lunch period, and Castiel had managed to escape Becky once again . When they were pushing through the crowd to get to the lunch hall, he had "accidentally" tripped and fallen behind, losing her in the swarm of students. When he realised he couldn't risk going to the lunch hall, if it meant he might bump into Becky again, he headed towards the corridor at the bottom of the main building; this corridor was long and wide, with grey metal benches running down the middle and the left side, and navy blue lockers lined the right wall. Apart from a couple of seniors studying and eating homemade sandwiches, the corridor was empty.

After stuffing his bag into his locker, Castiel took a seat at the very end of one of the benches, glancing awkwardly at the girl two benches over, who looked away quickly. He recognised her as the dark haired girl from algebra earlier. What was her name? Rosie? Rhoda? Ruby? Something like that anyway. She was another weird kid. Usually by herself during school, but rumour had it that she was a crazy party animal at night. Again, just rumours. Seriously, this school was the worst for them. A thought at the back of his head popped up, wondering if there were any about him. If there were, they probably weren't good, so he didn't want to know.

With an entire forty minutes to waste, Castiel took out his iPod to listen to music (obviously) as he read over his notes from Chemistry. There wasn't much, seeing as it was only day 1, but it was good to get a head start. Castiel didn't listen to music that much, but when he did, it was always Led Zeppelin. His father had been a huge fan (seen them live three times) and had passed down most of his musical taste to his sons. He bit the urge to sing along to Stairway To Heaven, and focused his eyes on some diagram. Eventually, he found himself staring into space as he thought more of Dean Winchester.

He couldn't get the guy out of his head. It was really weird, he didn't usually become this fascinated with anyone. The fact that the person in question was a new boy - who very clearly didn't like him - just made it weirder. For reasons unknown to him, Castiel silently made the decision there and then to pursue some sort of relationship with Dean. There was just something about him. He reckoned it would be difficult, as he got some strong vibes that Dean was a rock hard dude that would instantly shut down anyone talking to him, if he really didn't want them to. But he had to try. Perhaps he could start with Jo. She seemed more welcoming, from the few times Castiel had been near her. But then what would they talk about?

Maybe ten minutes later, the corridor had filled up a little more, and a group of about five jocks were standing beside the lockers close to Castiel, shouting and laughing so loudly that he could hear them over his music, even with the volume turned up full. They were throwing a football around and slamming their fists against the lockers and each other, but Castiel just tried to ignore them.

However, when the roar of laughter died down, he grew suspicious and glanced up from his notes to see them standing close together, talking quietly as they glared at Dean, who stood a few lockers away from them, throwing books into his locker that was already decorated with stickers and photos.

Castiel muted the music to listen into the conversation, but without taking out the earbuds, because Castiel Novak was a true spy kid. When Dean slammed the locker door shut and hoisted his bag up over his shoulder, something small and brown fell from it, and one of the jocks swooped in like a hawk to grab it before Dean even realised it had fallen.

"You fucking girl, what do you have a damn necklace for?" Spat Dick, the sort of leader of the jocks. Dick was actually pretty short, and not very toned, but he was rich and good at football, and that's really all you needed to be popular and have power in that school. Castiel was ninety ten percent sure that Dean would destroy him in a fist fight. Wait, no, imagining Dean fighting - all hot and sweaty, maybe with a few cuts and bruises - was not a good idea; Castiel used his arms to cover as much of his lap as he could, glancing around to make sure nobody saw, as he strained his ears further to hear them above the noise that was slowly creeping louder in the corridor.

"Give it back, dick," Dean stepped forwards lazily to snatch the necklace. It was unclear to Castiel whether he was calling him by name, or trying to insult him. Nevertheless, Dick tossed it high in the air behind him, and another jock, who Castiel didn't know by name, caught it. He giggled - a strange, low pitched sound - and twirled it about in the air, dancing around to avoid Dean, who was basically just clawing the air, looking pissed off.

"Aw, look, somebody's on her period!" Dick teased, trying to push Dean back, but he didn't budge, so he just stood in front of him instead. "Want me to go get you some tampons? It's okay if you're embarrassed, I'd do it for you" he gazed at Dean affectionately, who rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers for a moment, standing with one arm on his hip. The other guys danced around him happily, throwing the necklace about as an amused crowd of maybe thirty people cheered them on. At this point, Castiel had stood to join them, although he wasn't cheering of course.

Suddenly, Dean lashed out. He pushed Dick out of his way and punched the bigger guy that currently had the necklace. Of course, the guy dropped the jewelry and staggered backwards, hiding his face and yelling every cuss word under the sun. Dean bent down to grab the necklace but Dick kicked him in the side, making him roll over. He was clutching his side just as Dick turned and threw the necklace away, right towards Castiel.

Now, the toy was probably aimed at somebody standing behind Castiel, but something deep in his mind told him that he should catch it instead, and that's exactly what he did. Now that an object that obviously meant a lot to Dean was in his very hands, what the hell was he supposed to do with it? Dean had jumped back up to his feet now, and was moving straight towards Castiel. Everyone there was looking at Castiel now, faces judging and cold. If Castiel knew anything, it was that he had to get far away from these people, so he turned heel and scrambled away, necklace in hand.

The crowd of students parted willingly, letting Castiel hurry around the corner to stand just outside the building. He leaned against the wall, panting slightly as he looked down at the necklace. It was an odd looking thing. Made from some sort of brass material - it was an ancient looking face with protruding facial features and horns. It looked as if it had something to do with folklore or mythology. What had he done? He'd practically stolen this from Dean. Which means that he would have to give it back. Which meant he now had a reason to talk to him. That's just what he wanted, but he hadn't imagined something like this.

With a shaky sigh, Castiel turned, pulled open the heavy doors and walked briskly inside, clutching the necklace in both hands as he looked down at it. He looked up to see Dean storming towards him.

"Dean!" Castiel held out the necklace at arms length, and Dean snatched it back. He barely looked at it before pulling it over his head harshly.

"Thanks," he grumbled, before rushing past.

"You're welcome," Castiel said, slowly. He wondered why he was still talking. Dean obviously had somewhere else to be.

"What?" Dean said. His voice was deep and gravelly, and he looked genuinely confused as he watched Castiel, eyes narrowed.

"I was just saying you're welcome. You know, you could appear a little more grateful," Castiel said, unintentionally sounding very snobby.

"Yeah, okay, you caught it, d'you want a prize?" Dean got ready to walk away again, but Castiel was hit by a random pang of annoyance. If somebody else had caught the damn necklace, they would've kept throwing it and Dean would've kept fighting and it wouldn't end well. But since Castiel caught it, he could give it back to Dean and end the stupidity. And that is exactly what he did! Even if it looked like he was stealing it at first.

"No, but I think I just saved you back there--" Dean scoffed, interrupting him. It felt as if Castiel's stomach was sinking deeper and deeper with each little action Dean did. The boy shook his head, smiling impatiently as he pushed the door open.

"I was just trying to help you!" Castiel blurted suddenly. When Dean slowed down, and turned to look at him, his facial expression lightened just a little, and he nodded, casting his eyes down.

"I already said thanks," and then he left. For good, this time. Castiel let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding and took some steps back to lean against the wall. To be honest, he'd been expecting for Dean to smile - a wide, genuinely happy smile - and seem as if he meant it when he said thanks.

But Dean did acknowledge him. Dean spoke to him. Dean thanked him.

And it was a bit better than that morning, at least.

*

The final three periods of school seemed to drag on and on and on. The first day of school was always the same. The teachers forced you to play "fun" get-to-know-each-other games. Maybe it was supposed to help you make new friends, but everybody had their own circle of friends at that point. And for Castiel, even though Becky got on his nerves, there wasn't anybody else in this school he wished to befriend. With the exception of Dean.

The bell ringing at the end of Art was the most beautiful sound Castiel had heard all day and he darted from the room before the teacher had a chance to dismiss them. Considering his seat was right beside the door, it was pretty easy. He'd worry about detention tomorrow.

On his way home, it was raining. Lightly at first, but it gradually became so heavy that Castiel was soaked through to his underwear. He hurried along, actually wanting to get home ASAP for a change. Hooded figure was there again, just a few feet ahead at the opposite side of the street. Except, his hood was gone. He was wearing an oversized leather jacket, which he was pulling over his head. Come to think of it, the jacket looked similar to Dean's one. Huh.

Castiel started running, but mainly because this was a perfect opportunity to see the face of the guy that'd been nodding at him every day for four months. Exciting times.

When he reached the point in the street where he turned right to get to his house, he hid behind the tree in his neighbours garden instead. He couldn't pinpoint a reason why he wanted to see his face so much. He was going pretty out of his way here. The torrents of rain and the fog limited his vision, but the man with the leather paused when he reached one of the turns, and he turned around quickly, as if he thought someone might have been following him. Castiel was well hidden, and the boy looked right through him before jogging away down the street.

But Castiel saw his face. It was Dean Winchester.

*

The minute Castiel opened the door, a wild Gabriel appeared. Castiel slammed the door and began to peel off his hoodie and shoes and socks, trying his best to ignore his brother. He wasn't saying anything. Just standing. Smiling. Castiel held his glare for a very long twenty seconds, before he backed down.

"What?" He sighed, sitting down on the stairs and staring up at his brother.

"I think you know," Gabriel's mischievous grin never faltered.

"I really do not. Please enlighten me" Castiel said slowly.

"Dean! You helped out that new kid at school today!" Gabriel hopped up and down, his words loud and excited. Castiel, however, was the complete opposite of Gabriel right now. He rolled his eyes and began his descent up the stairs. An awkward descent, as he was waddling slightly because the rain had plastered his jeans to him, making them a lot heavier.

"You like him, don't you?" Gabriel didn't give up, as he hopped up the stairs after him.

"No, that's ridiculous," Castiel sneered.

"You do. I know because you never talk to anybody at school, let alone help them. Cassie and De-ean, sittin' in a tree," Gabriel began singing, but his grumpy younger brother had already reached his bedroom and slammed the door in his face.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!" Gabriel yelled from the other side of the door. Castiel dragged a wooden chair from the corner over and propped it under the door handle, so Gabriel wouldn't be able to get through. "He's cute isn't he?" Gabriel called, knocking his fist on the door as he grinned to himself. Castiel rolled his eyes and moved to the other end of the room, towards the wardrobe. For about twenty seconds, Gabriel continued hammering the door and ordering Castiel to quit ignoring him, but he quickly grew bored and went of somewhere else.

At this point, Castiel was exhausted and fed up. He'd gotten a little thrill from conversing with Dean, but they way he'd reacted... He didnt seem happy to be talking with him, which left him feeling sort of deflated for the rest of the day. The rain didn't help much either. So, he changed into his pyjamas. More like an old Zeppelin shirt and plaid pj trousers, but hey, they were comfy.

"I need chocolate," he muttered to himself. If he remembered correctly, he'd hidden a box of chocolate and sweets somewhere in his room. But where?

"Okay, if I were going to hide some chocolate, right now, where would I hide it?" He thought aloud. He shared a room with his brother, so it had to be somewhere Gabriel didn't know about. Ah. The old cardboard box under Castiel's bed. The box where he shoved useless junk when he was tidying. You know, that drawer everybody had. The place they put all their random knick knacks that they don't want to throw away just yet. Everybody had one. In Castiel's case, it was a box.

Sure enough, right at the very bottom was an old blue biscuit tin with some equally old chocolates that looked okay to eat. He grabbed a handful and tossed them on his bed before putting everything else back in the box. Except for the laptop. Jeez, that hadn't been used in months. Since Christmas, Castiel had just used his iPod touch for most things.

Surprisingly, it still had a decent amount of charge, but it took a long time to open up. After many years, his user account opened up to... Facebook. It had been opened on Facebook all that time. No wonder it had taken ages to load. He was even signed in, and his newsfeed was all up to date.

Without even thinking, Castiel had clicked on the "find friends" bar, and typed in his name. The name that had been on his mind for the majority of the day.

He clicked on the first Dean Winchester that popped up. The profile picture was some sort of old fashioned black car. Thankfully, Dean was pretty careless, and hadn't set his account to private. Castiel was free to scroll down this timeline thing. Man, he felt like an old granny, it was all updated and different.

Well, it was definitely the Dean he was looking for. He hadn't posted a single thing himself, but a bunch of posts in which he was tagged were there. All of them were posted by Jo, some relative named Sam, a couple by another relative named John, a Benny, and a Bobby. They were all sweet, merry photos of the memories they'd had together. Dean was smiling in almost all of them, which brought a faint smile to Castiel's own face. He was honestly so pretty.

He scrolled through the photos and birthday messages (January 24th, he was an Aquarius) for ten minutes, until he was two years back, and found the most recent photo Dean had put up himself. It was a photograph of him wearing a suit, oh my God, and he was standing with his arm around a girl only a few inches shorter than him, with bright blue heels on. She was cute, Castiel could see, and she had tanned skin and dark, shiny hair that was tied up but had some curls let loose around her face. She was wearing a tropical blue dress swaying down to her feet. A prom dress.

Of course Castiel could tell that Dean had been with other girls - he wasn't naive enough to pretend that he had been alone all his life, just waiting for him. He was way too attractive to have went seventeen, eighteen years without dating. But still. Seeing him with someone like that snatched the smile from his face and he didn't feel warm in the good way anymore, now he just felt sweaty and uneasy.

He glanced at the clock on the bottom of the screen to see he had another hour before Anna would be back from her final class of the day with take out. Not really in the mood to stalk his crush anymore, he shut the laptop over, slid it under his bed, and occupied himself with the few notes he'd scribbled down in algebra that day.

When he caught himself staring in to space again with thoughts of Dean on his mind, he forced himself to shake his head roughly before slouching over his notes again.


	2. Forced Friendships

_August 20, Thursday, 3:00pm_

 

All day long, Dean had felt deep in his bones that he wanted nothing more than to head home, dive into the sofa, and watch TV, awaiting the phonecall from Bobby confirming that his beloved impala was ready for pick up. However, his feelings flipped when the last bell of the day finally did ring, and the class started to cheer and holler (not something that ever happened at any other school he'd been to). Dean curled a lip at their brash loudness, before reaching to the floor for his bag. But his hand froze just an inch above it, and images of all that had happened the last few days flashed before his eyes so clearly it was as if there was a miniature projector in his skull.

And school seemed a lot more appealing all of a sudden.

Yet he had nowhere else to go, and he was not going to be seen hanging out in the school library after hours. Not now, not ever. So he packed his stuff away and followed the swarm of students out the door, down the stairs, along the corridor, and out to the parking lot. There were plenty of parking spaces, and he crossed his fingers in the pockets of his jacket in hope that tomorrow, the impala would be in one of those spaces, waiting for him. It would definitely make Dean want to leave school, no doubt about it.

As he walked through the parking lot, hands still stuffed in his pockets, he noticed Castiel walking up ahead of him... with a girl on his arm. Honestly, he'd never even considered that a guy like him might be dating someone. He felt kind of bad actually for thinking like that. He didn't even know the dude, who was he to judge. They had their backs to him, but she was blonde, petite, and had a cute butt, so Dean had to give him credit. Go Castiel, he thought.

He didn't want to appear creepy by staring at a couple of strangers, so he looked away, but as he neared the gate, almost overtaking them, he saw the girl lean in for a hug. Dean almost laughed out loud at the look of horror plastered on Castiel's face as he leaned back, hands on her arms to stop her coming any closer. Damn, that was hilarious. But he bit his tongue and turned his head to begin walking home. There were hardly any people ahead of him (literally three, and the street was pretty long), which struck him as unusual. Sam had scoped the neighborhood on his bike Day 1, and said he spotted plenty of teens about.

Whilst he walked, he found himself wondering how Castiel had excused himself from the clingy blonde at school. Probably not boyfriend and girlfriend, Dean now realised. Or if they had been, she'd definitely dumped his ass after that reaction. He snorted a little. Shit, that had looked so ridiculous. Actually, now that he remembered it, it was also pretty funny when Castiel had started drawing a map on his hand as if it was something he did every other day. Like, who does that?

After all his past experiences, Dean desperately didn't want another friendship. No-sir-ree-bob. They always ended, and Dean was always the only one left feeling cheated and angry. Sam had encouraged him to put himself out there at this new school. A brand new start, he'd said, tons of people to choose from, he'd said. But maybe Dean wasn't like his little brother. Maybe Dean had some socialization issues that were absent in Sam. Maybe Dean was the older sibling that Dad fucked up, whereas Sam was the second chance to get things right.

Despite all of his own burdens, he was still loyal to the kid, and would go out of his way to make him happy. Always. Without question. And this time, what Sam wanted was for him to make a friend. Definitely the most selfless thing Sam had ever asked of him, yet the most impossible. A new friend, other than Jo (Sam had been very clear on that). It should be the simplest fucking thing in the world, right? Then why did he feel like throwing up even at the thought of it? He shouldn't have issues with this, he knew, and the fact that he did have issues made him so angry sometimes. He gritted his teeth as he kicked a rock along the pavement. It thumped into the front of a car before rolling off into the middle of the road.

He'd put some more consideration into Operation Find A Friend tomorrow. For a moment, he'd considered Castiel, but no. That wasn't fair to him. Dean regarded Castiel to be in the same position as himself: friendless. It was clear to him now that he couldn't have been that fond of the blond girl. He smiled again at the thought of his expression, white going all the way around those intense blue eyes. Dean was almost completely sure that any relationship he had here wouldn't last long - a year maximum - and he couldn't leave Castiel feeling alone and abandoned. No, it had happened to Dean too many times and he couldn't live with himself knowing he made someone else go through that.

He should really go after someone popular - someone with other friends so that when Dean eventually fell away from them, at least they'd have other people to turn to. That is, if they even ended up missing him.

Suddenly, Dean flinched. Stop it, he thought violently. Don't think so far ahead and upset yourself before anything's even happened. Moron. He always made things a bigger deal than they had to be.

And that's when it started raining. Great. Dean had shoved his hoodie into his bag that morning, as it had began to heat up and Ellen had insisted that "it doesn't rain here, so leave your umbrellas in Lawrence."

Thanks Ellen.

Moving quickly, he swung his bag off one shoulder and hoisted his leather jacket up over his head. He did not look good with flat hair. Fortunately, his house was just in sight.

"Sammy!" he yelled once through the threshold to his home. A warm, dry, almost welcoming place. Sam wasn't far; the front door of the house opened right into the main room that was both a kitchen and a living room. Sam muted the television and shifted round to look over the sofa.

"Ha, can't believe you got caught in the rain," he said, smiling as if he'd just witnessed Jesus's resurrection. Dean whipped the jacket over his head, sending it straight at Sam. It landed over his face, muffling the younger boy's laughs.

"This smells like wet dog, Dean," he said. Being the responsible 13 year old he was, he rose from his seat and hung it up on the rickety coat rack beside the front door. Dean pulled a face as he turned away from the fridge, beer in hand.

"No, I think it's more like wet cow,"

"God," Sam said, scrunching up his nose before reclaiming his seat. Dean laughed and fell down beside him, only a little damp. Truthfully, even if he'd been soaking he still wouldn't have bothered to get changed. Sam unmuted the TV. It was Game of Thrones. Dean knew Sam read the books (which was impressive as fuck, to Dean) but he'd never seen the TV show himself.

"What season is this?"

"Two,"

Dean looked back to the screen just in time to watch a scrawny naked man hold up a bloody, severed arm like a trophy as a crowd cheered him on.

"I think you're a bit young for this," Dean said, forcing his eyes away and taking a swig of beer. Dean felt he might be a bit young for it himself.

"Nah, it's okay. Bobby gave me the box sets last Christmas,"

"Oh?" Dean had not known this. He thought he just got a card.

"Yeah," Sam said, not taking his eyes off the screen. Shit was going down in the Game of Thrones universe, Dean could see, as medieval people were still slashing each other up and throwing punches.

"You wanna watch this? I c-"

"No, it's cool," Sam said, and actually switched the tv off. Dean didn't like the sudden silence.

"Alright, so how was your first day of school?" he asked. It sounded like such a cliche, non-personal thing to say, but he really wanted to make sure that Sammy was doing alright.

"It was great, actually," he said, and Dean could tell he was trying to hold back a big dorky smile. He smiled like that when he got really excited about something, and whenever their dad was about he was quick to swoop in and tell him to stop being so emotional.

But Dean wasn't going to think about his dad right now.

And without John there, Sam ended up chattering on for 10 straight minutes about the new middle school. And he spared no detail. The way the teachers spoke, the way the classrooms were accessorized, the way his classmates dressed, even the layout of the corridors. Dean could probably walk into that school the next day and find any one of Sam's classrooms. He clearly loved it more than past schools, which made Dean smile for so long his cheeks began to ache. He only interrupted when his baby brother mentioned a girl.

"Jessica? What's she like?" he asked. Sam grinned even wider, if that was possible.

"Really funny. And pretty. She's in all my classes except one, and that's just because the boys and girls are separated for PE. I even sit next to her in history, and she knows, like, everything. It's great," he stopped talking now, and looked down at his hands in his lap, scratching at a bit of loose thread on his jeans. Dean liked this silence. It was comfortable.

"You forgotten about Sarah then?" he asked. Sarah had been his sweetheart back in Lawrence, but had broken up with him a few weeks before the move.

"Actually, you just reminded me..." he said, his voice trailing off. Dean's eyes widened and he felt panic rise in his stomach.

"Sh- sorry Sam, I didn't--" but Sam was laughing. His panic turned into confusion.

"You're so easy!" Sam said loudly, falling back on the sofa and cycling his legs in defense when Dean started punching him. Weakly, of course. None of Sam's kicks landed, whether on purpose or not Dean couldn't tell.

"Bitch," Dean said. It was probably the only cuss word he let slip when in his brother's company.

"Jerk," he fired back, without missing a beat. Dean grinned again. "What about you, though," Sam said, suddenly serious again as he shifted in his seat.

"Huh?"

"How was school," he said slowly. Dean picked up his (now empty) beer bottle and rolled it between the palms of his hands.

"It was... bleh. Definitely a lot less candy and rainbows than your school," he said, trying not to sound too glum. It could've been worse. He could've been shoved into a locker or something. Ha ha.

"Did you talk to anyone?" Dean's mouth was moving to form the word "Jo", but Sam quickly said, "Someone that isn't Jo."

"Yes! Ha ha! I win, I spoke to a guy named Castiel," Dean said a little too happily. Sam raised an eyebrow.

"Castiel?" he repeated. Slowly. It took Dean a minute to read the subtext.

"Dude, if I was gonna use a fake name, it wouldn't be something as cuckoo as that. I'd say something normal, like... Ross, or something"

"Alright. I believe ya. What's Castiel like then, how did you meet him,"

"He had to show me around, and seriously, Sam, he was weird. It's like... the way he acts is just so... different. And he doesn't even care! He acts all cool and composed, and kept looking at me like I was the weird one," he said. It felt good to actually talk about him to another human being, and not just in his head. Even if what he just shared wasn't even half of it. Sam looked quite thoughtful.

"Well, that's a good thing,"

"Well, yeah it's cool that he's not some unstable wreck," something about that sentence felt wrong, making him cringe, "but still. He talked as if he was reading from the Bible,"

"Why? Is he religious?" Dean snorted at his complete misunderstanding.

"No. I just mean that he doesn't talk casually. Like you and I do, or any other teenager in the world,"

"Ah."

Shortly after finishing the Game of Thrones episode, Dean phoned in takeaway, then did his homework. And the rest of the night passed as usual.

*

The following morning was a Thursday, and Dean awoke earlier than usual from a dreamless sleep. When he grunted and stretched up to peer at the alarm clock beside his bed, he realised that he was already wide awake. At 5AM. He swung his legs over the side of his bed, stretched again, and picked up the clock to disable the alarm he had set for 6:30.

With lots of time and nothing to do, Dean had padded around the kitchen and living room for a bit, before settling down on the sofa. He switched on the TV to find it on the episode select menu from yesterday's show. It had actually been alright, although he kept telling Sam that it was not made for his eyes. He was already two seasons in though, so there was no point. Dean felt like he should really start from season one, but after investigating the shelves beneath the TV, he still couldn't find the right box, and didn't want to waken Sam in his room.

So he sat through an hour and a half of violence and nudity, and a lot more violence, before he heard Sam stirring. Thanks to his super sharp hearing, Dean managed to quit to the main menu and switch off the TV and get to the other side of the room all before Sam had even stepped out his door.

"Mornin' Sammy," he said. "How do fried eggs sound?".

"Stop calling me that," Sammy mumbled as he stretched out one arm, and smoothed his hair down with the other. "Can I have mine scrambled?" Dean groaned. That would take longer.

"Whoa, never mind then,"

But of course when he handed Sam his plate, they were scrambled. As they sat, Sam brought up Castiel.

"Not right now," Dean grumbled through a mouthful of egg. "Too early for big talk,"

"It's hardly big talk," he almost laughed, "and I know you've been up longer than me,". Dean looked over his glass of orange juice.

"Did I wake you?"

"No. I can just tell," Sam said, his eyes squinting mischievously. Dean put his now empty glass down and stared at his eggs. He'd already made the decision to approach Castiel and apologize, and he was about to mention that to his brother before he realised that he never did tell him that he had been acting like a dick.

"You should ask him out," Sam said, way too casually. This was definitely not morning talk. Dean stared at him, eyes wide. He was vaguely reminded of Castiel's horrified face, once again, but it wasn't funny this early. "I just... realised how that sounded. I mean ask him to hang out. Romantically or platonically, it's really up to you," Sam said, before taking another big forkful of egg. Dean shook his head.

"I don't know. I only met him yesterday, Sam."

"So? I'm bringing over someone from school later, and I only met him yesterday,"

"Really?" Dean asked, leaning back.

His little brother really did amaze him.

*

There was no phone call from Bobby last night, although he did send Dean a text that morning saying he'd park it outside the school before he got out. Which was good news. So far, it was an okay morning.

Dean didn't see Castiel on the way to school, so he swore that he'd just go up to him in homeroom. Get it out of the way. Not like it was something he was dreading to do, he just didn't want the weight of unsaid words hanging over him for the rest of the day. He'd repeated his apology over and over in his head, since it was really all he could think about at this point.

When he opened the door to homeroom, he spotted Castiel immediately, right in the middle of the front row. And alone, thankfully. Dean made a beeline for him when a teacher stepped in front of him. A middle-aged looking Asian lady. The name card she wore around her neck stated that she was Mrs L Tran.

"Morning, you must be Dean?" she asked. Then she walked back over to her desk, probably expecting Dean to follow. He cast an exasperated look at Castiel before trudging after Mrs Tran.

"Yeah, hi. Sorry I wasn't here yesterday," he said as he came to a halt at the opposite side of her desk.

"Oh, don't worry about it," she said, using a dismissing hand wave. "Nobody new goes to homeroom their first day,"

"Ah, okay," he said, glad that that was the case. He was thinking she was going to be annoyed or something, and start lecturing him about attendance.

"I'm afraid the only free seat is in the second back row there," she said, pointing. Dean turned around to find it wedged in at the window, right beside a group of five emos. Fantastic. One of them had leopard print extensions and black lipstick.

"But don't worry, I'm actually going to shuffle the seats around a bit tomorrow. Is there anyone you'd care to be sat beside? Newbies get the special privilege," she said, leaning forwards slightly, pen poised over a sheet of paper.

"Castiel," he said instantly. Man, he'd better hope that this apology smoothed things over.

"Okay, and which Castiel is that?" she asked earnestly. Dean stared past her, at the whiteboard. How many friggin' Castiel's were there in the world?

"Ha! I'm kidding," she said suddenly. Dean forced out a chuckle.

"Ah, you got me," he said. She was giving off some strong Mom vibes right then. She scribbled down on her paper and gave Dean the all-clear to leave. When he turned around to go to Castiel, he stopped in his tracks, boot squeaking against the floor. The blond girl was suddenly beside him, blabbing away by the looks of it. Castiel was nodding along with a dead look in his eyes, the poor soul. Dean didn't want to go about making public apologies on his very first day, so he decided to wait until he got him alone. Also, he was acutely aware that he was the only person standing in the entire class, and a bunch of girls were watching him.

He took his seat beside the emos.

*

It was simply a waiting game now, and a very long one at that. Periods one to four weren't classes that Dean and Castiel shared, unfortunately. It was as if the universe was teasing him as Dean spotted the boy between every class and at break, but not once without the blond girl, whose name, he learned, was Becky.

At last, his wait was over. Dean had been observing Castiel from a distance in the canteen, when Becky finally left his side. He watched her walk all the way to the door and out to the corridor and waited a moment just to be sure she wasn't coming back. Then he made his move.

Castiel was reading a book, and gave no sign he knew Dean was there. His eyebrows burrowed together, his eyes flicking around the page as if he kept backtracking. Probably was, Dean didn't know how the guy could concentrate even a little bit with all the background noise. Not being able to find his voice, now that the moment he'd been imagining all day was in motion, Dean slid into the chair opposite him. Each table in the canteen had sixteen chairs to it, but apart from himself and Castiel, this one was empty.

Then Castiel looked up slowly from his book, and registered Dean's presence. He didn't flinch or even move at all, unlike Dean had expected. No, Castiel was staring at him quite calmly, although his ocean blue eyes pierced into Dean, who suddenly felt like an intruder.

"Hey, Castiel," he said. Even saying his damn name made him uncomfortable. Castiel's eyes were still squinted, and his lips pressed tightly together. Dean honestly didn't know what to make of that.

"Hello, Dean," he eventually replied, and Dean felt his shoulders relax.

"Listen, uh. I just wanted to say sorry. For yesterday. I--" but Dean blinked, taken aback at how Castiel had just held up his hand to him. And not in the high-five way. "Sorry, did you just shush me?"

"I forgive you. I understand that it was unrealistic of me to expect you to be completely upbeat on your very first day." he said monotonously, scanning Dean with his eyes but otherwise staying completely still. Dean's face twitched again, and he made a quick mental note to try and keep back from frowning every time Castiel did something... unordinary.

"Cool. Uh, just know that it wasn't on you. I was just having a bad day," he said. Something resembling a smile appeared on Castiel's face, and he nodded knowingly.

"It's alright. I'm not annoyed."

"Okay, great,"

And now he didn't know what to do. He couldn't think of a polite way to excuse himself from the table, and from the looks of it, Castiel had no clue either. They just sat there. Still and looking everywhere but at each other. Just when Dean was about to simply say bye and walk off, Castiel spoke up.

"Why did you apologize?" he asked. Dean blinked. Who asked that? The way Dean seen it, when someone apologized, you either accepted it or denied it. There was no middle ground where you questioned their motives.

"I- I just wanted to. As I said, I felt bad. You were just being nice, I shouldn't have spoken to you that way" he sputtered out, not really thinking about his words.

"Okay, but you could've just left it at that. You didn't have to follow me around all day," Castiel said coolly. He wasn't moving at all. He was entirely, 100% focused on the boy sitting across from him. Dean was trying not to squirm under his gaze.

"I wasn't.... Dude, I did not follow you around, okay? And what, are you saying that you wanted me to just fuck off?" he asked, immediately regretting his choice of words. Something about the way he was talking sounded childish to him, in some way. He felt too needy and emotional right now. Two things that he wouldn't be feeling if he'd just kept to himself, as originally planned.

"Well, that's not how I would put it. It just seemed like you wanted nothing to do with me yesterday. You walked away from me twice. All I want to know is why you came back. I've not even tried to talk to you today, because I thought that's what you wanted," he said.

"Well, it's not. I don't want you to get to know me, because it would end badly. Doesn't mean I don't want you to talk to me," Dean replied moodily.

"Why would it end badly?" Castiel asked. Dean groaned and rubbed his head with his fingertips.

"It just would, okay. Can we please just forget about yesterday? Please?" he asked, almost pleading. Castiel seriously seemed to consider.

"Not yet." he ignored Dean's over-exaggerated sigh, "Why were you in such a bad mood,"

"Because I've just fucking moved half way across the country!" Dean snapped. "This time last week-" but then his voice caught in his throat. He wasn't doing this. He wasn't going into all that shit. And Castiel couldn't know. Damn him. Damn him for being so weird, and for asking too many questions, and for being too intimidating. "This is none of your business," he said, pushing up to his feet suddenly, not even wincing at the grating scrape of chair against floor.

"Okay, Dean, I'm sorry. I think I went too far--"

"You think?"

"Listen, I think you're fascinating. I only asked you those things because I'd like to know more about you." Dean snorted at him.

"You know, there's more subtle ways to do that, " he said. He suddenly felt a little more in control again. There he'd been, just about to spill out his sins and confessions when instead Castiel had confessed his own.

"Sorry." Castiel said, still seated, but now with a sorrowful glint in his eyes.

"Don't be sorry. But don't go interviewing me again, 'kay?"

"Okay," he agreed. Castiel's eyes switched just to the left of Dean, who followed his gaze to see Becky entering the room again.

"And that is my cue to leave," he said briskly, sticking his hands in his pockets and stalking away. He passed Becky to leave the canteen, and just as he turned the corner to go out the door, he risked a glance back towards Castiel, who was looking right back.

And this time, it didn't creep him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ay so i've already written the first four chapters (out of about 15, 16 i think) and i think updating once a week is too slow. sooo i'm gonna aim to update every sunday and wednesday!! with the exception of today which is thursday. anyway i hope y'all have enjoyed this chapter :~)


	3. Fear of Falling

_August 22, Saturday, 9:37pm_

 

Castiel skimmed through the list once more, just to double check he had everything Gabriel needed before he left the store. Yep, he got everything. And he even had ten dollars left over, so he bought himself a smoothie and some book about an old man climbing out a window. It looked mildly interesting. 

After paying for it all, Castiel had left the store and was toddling down the sidewalk, swinging the plastic grocery bags forwards and backwards as he gazed up at the sky, which was a hazy purple shade with a few stars dotted around. He was the only person in the street- wait, no, there was one other person. Castiel did a double take when he realised that this other person was Dean. Dean Winchester, of course. He was maybe thirty feet ahead, walking towards Castiel. He hadn't been spotted yet.

Castiel dropped his pace and slid aside, trying to blend in with the shadows that the streetlight didn't reach. As Dean approached, Castiel held his breath, then asked himself why he was hiding. After everything that had happened Wednesday and Thursday, Castiel had concluded that Dean was not, in fact, pissed at him. He couldn't quite pinpoint what his exact problem was, but Castiel was almost sure it wasn't to do with himself. 

And, even on the tiny chance that it  _was_  him that Dean had a problem with, it was definitely a lot weirder to find a hiding Castiel, than a Castiel simply walking home from the shops. Each footstep Dean took seemed to echo in Castiel's head, but when he was just an arms length away from him, Dean turned and walked down an alleyway Castiel had forgotten about. 

Castiel propelled himself away from the wall and stepped forwards, peering into the alleyway with some concern. It was dark and wet and dirty. Most alleyways were, in his experience. A large dumpster was pushed against the wall at the left, and there was a ladder on the right one. A ladder that had Dean Winchester climbing up it.  _What is he doing?_ he thought as he watched Dean disappear over the top of the building

Before he could think twice, Castiel had dropped the plastic bags beside the dumpster and began his climb to the roof. All that was really going through his mind at this point was that this was a chance to learn more about Dean. He'd realised before how extremely weirdly he was dealing with this whole Dean situation. When he wanted to be someones friend, he simply did nothing. But now he guessed he was just tired, at this point. Now, in that moment, the part of him that worried how he appeared to others was gone. He left it behind with the plastic bags. He just wanted to do something.

When Castiel had only one rusty rung left to climb, he was more hopeful than ever. He was four storeys high, and the wind whistled in his ears. After taking a shaky breath, he pulled himself up to the roof of the building and whatever he had been expecting, it certainly wasn't this.

The scene laid before Castiels eyes was shocking and dirty. This was the kind of thing his good Christian family had shielded him from his entire life. In fact, he didn't think people actually did this. He thought it was something that existed only on the television and in novels.

There were about twenty people scattered around, and the only source of light was a huge campfire burning in the middle of the ground, but the orange glow didn't stretch far, and he couldn't make out any faces. Their shadows were big though, bigger than Castiel, who was quite tall anyway. A knot of people were huddled beside the fire, laughing and smoking something that was not a cigarette, as more people sat around chatting and waving beer bottles. He spotted an empty syringe on the ground, inches away from him. 

Castiel realised that he was frozen. The excitement had suddenly drained away when he realised the danger these people were getting themselves into. And the danger he was in, clinging for dear life onto the ladder at the top of a four storey building. On his climb, he was too busy fantasizing about how adventurous and brave he was being to remember his fear of heights. All his remaining energy went into not looking down.

The buzz of people talking and laughing soon faded away to just the crackle of the fire. Every pair of eyes was fixed on him. Ice, hard eyes that flared slightly with anger. A few of the guys that had been smoking rose slowly to their feet as they glared silently at Castiel, who was still completely still, visible to them only from the shoulders up.

"Who the fuck-"

"Hold on," a familiar, gruff voice cut in, and a tall shadow with spiky hair and bowlegs slowly approached Castiel. "It's Castiel!" Dean bent down, spreading his hands on the ground in front of him to keep from tumbling over.

Castiel's brilliant blue eyes were wide and scared at they looked up at Dean's green ones. He certainly wasn't as moody as he had been Wednesday as he flashed an amazing smile at Castiel and held out a hand to pull him up. Castiel just stared at it for a moment, still trying to process what was going on, before he took it, and was yanked over the ladder roughly.

When Castiel was up on his feet, Dean laughed loudly and slapped his back, which almost made him fall over. He was trying to say something, he wanted to ask Dean what was going on, but his words wouldn't work. he could only gape at everybody who crowded around them curiously. He still couldn't make out their faces, and for that he was actually grateful.

"Guys, relax, it's cool. Cas is cool," Dean assured them, throwing his arm over Castiel's shoulder and gesturing for the crowd to move back. They seemed doubtful as they exchanged glances with each other, before they all took a collective step back. Dean squeezed Castiel's shoulder and guided him over to the fire, with the others still watching, and pointed at an old lounger that Castiel hadn't noticed.

"Want to sit?" He asked, taking a step away from Castiel and raising an eyebrow at him. Did Dean pluck his eyebrows? It looked like he did, they were very tidy. Castiel noticed that he was staring, so he shook his head almost erratically, and diverted his eyes. Dean shrugged and turned around to face all the people that hadn't moved an inch since Castiel was pulled over. 

"What?" Dean growled. "C'mon, fuck off," Castiel wondered if Dean was living some sort of double life, as the crowd did what he said. As if he was a leader, or some other sort of important figure. They all shuffled away to different corners, mumbling between themselves, still throwing dirty glares towards Castiel, who swiftly realised how out-of-place he looked. Not just because of his unorthodox entrance, he was thinking more dress-wise. They were all dressed like they'd just walked out of a rock concert, and a good deal of them were heavily inked and pierced. 

"Really, man, sit if you want. You look like you're about to shit yourself," Dean laughed, confirming Castiel's suspicions that he looked as uncomfortable as he felt. 

"I-It's fine, I'll stand," he replied, his tongue feeling too big for his mouth. As soon as the words were out, he regretted them. He did want to sit. He'd never wanted to sit so much in his life. His legs felt like jelly. 

By then, everyone apart from three people had meandered away to do their own thing. One was Jo, who was probably the most normal looking person there. Her silky blond hair was illuminated by the fire, making her look like she was glowing, and her warm brown eyes looked welcoming as she smiled a greeting at Castiel. It calmed his nerves just a little more, but he was still unsure of the other two. 

One of them was a girl who Castiel had an odd feeling he'd seen before. She was slim and tanned with black, poker-straight hair. Her outfit was just as dark. Tight black mini-dress, black stockings, and black Doc Martens. The only colour on her was the brown leather jacket.

Last but not least was probably the oddest person Castiel had seen so far. He looked to be the oldest out of everyone up on the roof, and wore a purple plaid shirt with the sleeves ripped off over a vintage-looking band shirt. And he had a mullet. Not a hairstyle Castiel expected to see on anyone in the 21st century, but who was he to judge.

"Ash, quit just standing there, get us some beers," Dean demanded, mumbling a little bit. It dawned on Castiel that Dean was probably drunk. That would explain why he'd been so excited to see him, but he'd only just arrived second before he did. Where had he been before?

"Shit, man, don't just boss me about," the man with the mullet replied, but he walked off towards the cooler shoved into the corner all the same. "Only been here a week and he's already dishing out orders," he complained to Jo, who just laughed at him.

Whilst he was gone, Dean introduced Castiel to the other girl as Lisa Braeden. Lisa grinned widely, showing off a set of really white, really straight teeth. She went to Dean's side and slid an arm around his waist, pulling him into a side hug. Castiel realised with a jolt who Lisa was. Lisa was the girl Dean went to homecoming with, how many years ago? Two? 

"Are you together?" Castiel asked, feeling like he already knew the answer. But they surprised him by making vague noises that could mean anything, Dean even scrunching up his face a little. Lisa's smile never faltered, though.

"It's complicated," she laughed breathily. Dean said "Mm hm," in agreement. Castiel nodded slowly, eyebrow raised, not really knowing how to continue. Thankfully, he didn't have to, since Ash had returned with five beer cans cradled in his arms. Lisa and Jo took theirs, then Ash tossed one over to Dean, who caught it in one hand and snapped the top open. Castiel watched him gulp it down as if Dean was on the moon and the beer was oxygen, as Ash held out one to him, unsure. 

"Drink?" he asked.

"Uhh," the only time Castiel Novak ever drank was one night when his father was at work and Gabriel hauled out a case of beer with a sparkle in his eye. Part of him wanted to see what it was like, but after one tentative sip he coughed and gagged at the foul taste and swore he'd never touch it again. But he had left his smoothie down at ground level, and he had to drink something. Something told him that beer would do nothing to quench his thirst, but it was all he had. And Dean was here. He didn't want to appear boring.

So he reached out his hand, hoping he was the only one that noticed it trembling, and almost gasped at how cold it was when Ash pushed it into his hand. Ash was raising a skeptical eyebrow at him.

"You ever drank before?" he asked, almost mockingly. Castiel scoffed.

"Of course I have," he said, cracking the tab open. He looked down at it, and swirled the liquid around a bit. Ash chuckled at him.

"You don't look like you have," he said. Castiel glared at him, very aware that Dean, Jo, and Lisa were watching him silently. He looked over to Dean, widening his eyes a little, trying to communicate and say that he didn't want to do this. He wanted Dean to step in and tell Ash that he didn't have to drink if he didn't want to, but all he did was nod reassuringly at Castiel before taking another swig from his can.

"Alright let's make this interesting," Ash said suddenly. "I'll bet you ten bucks that you can't down that entire can," he said confidently, straightening his posture and crossing his arms. Castiel shifted his weight from one foot to the other and looked at the ground. 

"What do you mean?" He asked. Okay, he didn't live under a rock. He'd heard the saying before, and he was pretty sure he knew what it mean, but he didn't want to do the completely wrong thing and therefore embarrass himself. Ash chuckled at him again.

"It  _means_  to drink it all in one go. No breaks." he said smugly. Castiel nodded.

"Ah. I, uh, thought that's what it meant," he said. Ash huffed disbelievingly at him, but he'd told the truth. He stole another glance at Dean, who was watching him with those calm, lake green eyes. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking, his face was so still. Ash began to say something else, but it was now or never, Castiel decided.

He tipped his head back and chugged the beer down, struggling to keep calm and breath through his nose as the icy cold liquid chilled his chest. Bitter and gross. That's what it tasted like, along with some sort of metallic taste. But he tried not to focus on that, instead continuing to pour the beer down and concentrate instead on how fun this was. It wasn't really, but he felt like it should be, so that's what Castiel told himself.

Everybody cheered for him, and Castiel tore the now empty can from his lips and sucked in a long breath of clean air. It tasted beautiful. Ash was clapping slowly, a tight smile on his face, before he grabbed the bottle from Castiel and tipped it upside down, just to double check, but only a few drops of beer fell out.

Castiel belched loudly, pressing a hand to his unsettled stomach - beer and Castiel did not go well together. Dean stepped forwards and punched Castiel's shoulder again, and his smile was so wide and genuine that his eyes squinted. Castiel was struck once again by how pretty the guy looked, and he smiled right along with him. Like it was contagious. Castiel cleared his throat.

"I believe you lost the bet," he said, extending a hand. Ash barked out a laugh and fumbled in his pockets as Castiel tried not to gloat too much at how awesome he felt right then. Ash handed over two five dollar notes, and Castiel took a few moments to gaze fondly at his newly acquired cash before shoving it into his own pocket.

"Well-" Ash was interrupted by Lisa. She had left Dean's side and waved vaguely at Castiel, staggering just a little bit. 

"Can you do it again?" She asked, pulling strange faces as she spoke, making sure every word was pronounced correctly.

Castiel raised an eyebrow at her, taken aback slightly by how obviously drunk she was. He turned to look at Dean, who was still standing close, so close that Castiel could feel his warmness - more than welcome in the chilly breeze up on the roof. His smell lingered, too. Beer, of course, but also a musky sort of cologne that Castiel had never smelled before, but it was now his favourite. Castiel's stomach was fluttering: from the beer, from the excitement of people cheering him on, and from Dean being so close. 

He was happy. From the day they'd met (four days ago) Castiel had fallen in like with him. He was new, interesting, and was just different from all the other people Castiel knew at school. He knew that he wanted to get closer to this Dean, to become friends. And ever since Christopher, Castiel had shied away from people. That was the last time he would make an effort with somebody, he decided. Castiel convinced himself that the next time he met someone he liked, he would wait for them to make the first move. That way he knew they actually liked him.

But he didn't want to take that chance with Dean. For the first time in years, Castiel was making the effort. He was actually doing something, and it was going well! 

"Maybe... I should probably be getting home now," Castiel said, after a short silence. He regretted the words as soon as they left his lips. He wanted to stay, why did he have to say that? That totally went against everything that he'd just been thinking.

"Noo!" Lisa protested playfully, pulling a ten dollar note out from her jacket. "Betcha can't down another!" She teased, smiling to show off her impeccable set of teeth as she waved the note underneath Castiel's nose.

Castiel grinned back, holding out his hand, in which a fresh can of beer was placed immediately.

*

For the next hour or so, Castiel stayed up on top of the roof with Dean and his friends. He'd managed to down 3/4 beers, leaving his pockets 25 dollars heavier than they'd been on ground level. Jo had briefly introduced him to everybody, explaining that these were her friends that had already left school. Dean was just as new as Castiel. The only other people that didn't scare Castiel, however, were a woman named Pamela who read his palm and claimed she could read his thoughts - but he'd have to pay for that - and a strange man named Garth who was a very giggly drunk.

Everybody else was stabbed with piercings and inked with colourful tattoos, and came off as so powerful and badass that Castiel couldn't even imagine talking to them. So he thought it was best to try to avoid them.

After Castiel's fourth beer, his head was aching and he felt dirty and tired. Fuelled by the laughter and encouragement from his new found friends, he reached for another one anyway, squinting his eyes to try and see properly. To stop the world spinning around him. When he finally managed to wrap his shaky fingers around a can, a warm, steady hand closed over it, and Castiel gasped and yanked it away, the alcohol causing him to completely overreact.

"Dude," Castiel, who was sitting on the ground with his legs crossed into a basket, rubbed his hand as if he'd been hurt and ogled up at Dean's concerned face. He'd somehow managed to get out of his affectionate drunk state, much to Castiel's disappointment, and now seemed confused at Castiel's presence. He noticed that Lisa was nowhere to be seen. 

"How many have you had, man?" Dean asked, crouching down to eye level.

Castiel frowned and held up five fingers. 

"Four," he said. Dean nodded, his eyes trailing away to the left.

"Right... you can't have any more, okay? Lets get you some water instead, you'll feel much better," Dean insisted, jumping back to his feet and leaving Castiel to climb unsteadily up after him. After nearly crumpling back to the ground again as a result of sleeping legs, he grabbed onto Dean's arm as they slowly made their way towards a big red cooler that was hidden in the corner, as far away from the fire as possible.

Castiel gulped the water down, suddenly thankful that Dean hadn't let him take the beer. Water was cool and sweet and so refreshing Castiel could have moaned. He felt as if the water had washed away all the alcohol, and he was clean again. Hallelujah. 

His head was still pounding though, and his stomach still felt heavy. He wasn't sure how it happened, but he ended up getting a lift home from the most gorgeous boy in school. Castiel knew next to nothing about cars, but he could tell that the black shiny car Dean drove was a classic. Or, okay he thought it was. He really didn't know shit about cars, he just knew that it wasn't a new model. He'd asked Dean about it, but he really couldn't focus properly. He kept calling it his "baby".

Dean made some attempts at conversation, but Castiel kept it simple by saying "yes", "no," or "D'nno". He just rested his forehead against the window, thankful for the coolness of it, and tugged his trench coat tighter around him. He also managed to direct Dean to his house, who expressed surprise at how he lived so close to him.

Once he pulled up outside Castiel's address, he slumped back in his chair and looked towards Castiel, who made no effort to move. He was half sleeping, his head still resting against the window and his coat tugged so tightly around him he almost couldn't breathe. He didn't hear Dean's sigh, but was awoken when he pulled the door open, grabbing Castiel's shoulder when he almost fell right to the ground. 

"Hey, we're here. C'mon," he said gruffly, pulling Castiel up. Realizing what a nuisance he was being, Castiel forced his eyes open, which made Dean laugh for some reason, and tried to walk to his front door. But the world just wouldn't stop spinning, and he was actually having a hard time placing one foot in front of the other. So Dean reluctantly linked his arm through his and walked him all the way up to the door, where he rang the bell.

They waited together, and Castiel wasn't tired anymore as a gust of icy wind flew through them, making his teeth chatter. Dean was shifting from foot too foot restlessly as he hit the doorbell again.

"Is the bell working?" he asked.

"Anna's out at college," Castiel slurred, as if that was an answer. Gabriel might be home, but he really didn't know, nor did he want to think about it. 

"What? Cas, is there anyone inside this house?" he asked. Castiel shook his head fiercely, desperately wishing to be somewhere warm. Dean cursed under his breath.

"You have keys?"

Again, Castiel shook his head fiercely. 

"Christ," Dean muttered. He pounded his fist against the door five times and stood forwards to press his ear against the door, listening for any signs of life. But after many more moments, he appeared to give up. He grabbed Castiel's arm once more, impatiently this time, and led him back down the gravel path towards his car. "Guess we're having a sleepover then," he grumbled to himself.

Castiel never really processed that, as the second he was sat down in Dean's car again, it was so warm that he finally fell asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really really sorry i didn't update in ages. stuff happened and i couldn't write. don't want to get into it, but i really do apologize! but i hope you enjoy this chapter! :-))


	4. Let's Go to the Mall

_August 23, Sunday, 11:38am_

 

For the first time in his life, Dean had a friend stay over. In fact, scrap that. Dean would say they were still just acquaintances. After last night, Dean decided he couldn't just ditch Castiel and find another friend, as originally planned. He guessed it wasn't so bad. For now.

"Should we wake him?" Sam asked, leaning a little towards Dean as the brothers stood side to side in their living room, watching the dude that was asleep on their couch. Dean was about to reply no, as after a night of drinking the last thing you want is to be woken by a stranger, when the guy in question rolled off the couch with a thud.

"Never mind. Heh," Dean chuckled. But of course Sam had left his side to assist Castiel, who was looking about the room rapidly with the same expression he'd had when refusing Becky's hug. This only made Dean laugh more, but he figured he should try and calm him down since he had no idea who Sam was and would maybe shit himself with the fear he'd been kidnapped. So Dean stepped in, where Sam was kneeling beside a fallen Castiel saying a jumble of different things.

"Cas, buddy, don't worry you're just in my house. You're safe here," he assured him. When Castiel met eyes with him, his tense shoulders and rigid posture relaxed, and Dean smiled at him without a second thought. It was nice knowing that the guy felt calmer in his presence. Although a second later his face contorted and he pressed a hand to his head.  _Oh right. Hangover._

"Hey, Cas, sit on the couch again I'll get you an aspirin and some water," he said quickly.

"No, it's fine. It's fine," Castiel said. Although he did clamber back up to the couch. Dean shrugged and figured that Cas must just be one of those people that are a bit weary taking medicine, but he still grabbed some water bottles from the fridge. He tossed one at Castiel, who caught it easily before placing it carefully on the coffee table in front of him, as if he was worried of it collapsing.

"Cas, I'm serious. I know you've never even touched alcohol before--" Castiel lifted his head, ready to protest, "--don't even lie. I can tell." Dean continued. "You're gonna be dehydrated, okay? Take the damn water,"

Dean watched Castiel as he thought for a moment, his deep blue eyes very contemplating, before he huffed like a child and uncapped the water. Dean smiled triumphantly when he took a swig.

"Isn't that better?" he beamed.

"Don't talk to me like a child," he retorted. Dean held his hands up in surrender, then he sat himself down beside Castiel. He noticed Sam standing by, looking quite on edge as if he was itching to be given something to do. When he caught Dean's eyes, he widened them and flicked them towards Castiel, then back at him.

"Oh. Cas, this is my brother Sammy," Dean said, waving a hand towards his geeky brother. Sam frowned. Dean frowned back. It wasn't often he misread Sammy's Secret Signals.

"No, it's Sam. Don't call me Sammy. Hi though," said Sam, waving at Castiel and offering a friendly smile. Dean shook his head amusedly. Dean had been calling him Sammy since the day he first saw him in that hospital, and he wasn't going to stop any time soon. If anything, he'd do it just to piss him off. Castiel returned the smile, even waving awkwardly. 

"Hello, Sam, I'm Castiel," he said gruffly.

"Yeah, he knows," Dean almost laughed as he leaned back on the couch and stretched his arm out over the back of it. "Dude, you don't need to talk like that to us. Just chill out. Chillax. Whatever,"

 Sam was beginning to pull out some plates and knives from the cupboards spread about the kitchen. Dean didn't feel like eating, but toast was his go-to hangover food, and he wasn't about to break that tradition. If Castiel thought anything of it, he wasn't showing it. 

"Okay. These are just very unusual circumstances. I am unsure how to react," he said, but he seemed to try out Dean's chillaxing idea, as he sighed comically and sank back into the sofa. His dark tousled hair brushed against Dean's wrist, and he yanked his arm back. It was just his reflex, but when Castiel fixed his attention on him and asked him if he was okay, he suddenly felt guilty.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, there was just a fly or something, I think," he lied fluently, making a show of looking about the room. For the fly.

A phone buzzed on the table. It was loud and jarring in the silent room, and all three boys turned to look at it. Castiel lunged forwards as if someone had pricked his ass with a pin, and grabbed the phone with a very clumsy movement. Dean raised an eyebrow as he read the screen, his mouth wide open.

"Everything okay?" Dean asked.

"My brother - he just texted me asking when I was coming home," he said, sounding very confused. "But I don't understand, it's half past 12 and he just sent me it. It wasn't delivered late or anything," he said, holding the phone very close to his face as if the answer was hidden within the pixels.

Sam and Dean exchanged a knowing look. Dean cleared his throat.

"Yeah, uh. Cas, don't be mad or anything--" Castiel's blue eyes suddenly looked very intimidating as they pierced through Dean's, "-- but I texted your brother last night, Gabriel? I just told him that you were bunking up with us for the night," he explained. Castiel's on-guard appearance didn't falter.

"How do you know his number?" he said seriously. Sam barked a laugh and Dean almost slapped his own face.

"No, I texted him using  _your phone_. He thought it was  _you_. But it was  _me_ ," he said, worrying that his extra emphasis would make Castiel worry he was patronising him again. He really wasn't trying to. But Castiel seemed to understand, as he looked back at his phone, fingers hovering above the keypad.

"Oh. Actually, that's good. That's really good. Thank you, Dean," he said, relaxing his shoulders again and smiling. Jesus, that was the first time Dean had seen the guy smile. It looked a little dry, like he wasn't used to it, but he looked good. Dean smiled back at him.

"Good to hear it! Shit, I was thinking I made some huge mistake there," he said, forcing a laugh. Castiel smiled even more.

"No, honestly. Thank you so much. He would've killed me if I - or you - didn't contact him at all last night," he said happily. 

"Yeah. He texted you a bit after we got here. You were pretty much K-O, so - actually, Cas, why don't you have a password on your phone?" he asked. Castiel's face fell back into it's usual still, bitch-face expression. Fuck, Dean thought. He ruined it. He was finally warming up to him, then he went and said that. Just as he was about to tell him to forget it, Castiel began typing on his phone and said,

"My father doesn't believe in them,"

"What, passwords? Why? I mean, any nutcase could just get into your phone, y'know...?" he said. Then he asked himself why the fuck he was still fucking talking. Probably just going to make this worse and drag this awkward situation on longer than it needed to.

"I suppose so. Gabriel actually mentioned that once, but he said he should just never let his phone out of his sight," Castiel said, tucking his phone away in his jeans front pocket.

"Good advice," Dean huffed.

"I know," Castiel laughed too, and Dean was instantly thankful. "My dad says that we shouldn't need passwords. If we don't have anything to hide," he sent an awkward side look at Dean, as if he thought Dean would think he was odd. He kind of did. How obsessive did a parent need to be to not allow passwords on his kid's phones? Control freak much? Though Dean could tell from the look on Castiel's face that that would not be what he wanted to hear. He suddenly felt like it was too hot. He literally had no idea what to day. Castiel was still looking at him. The clock was ticking.

"Well, what do you have to hide?" he eventually blurted. Castiel looked slightly taken aback.

"Nothing,"

"Yeah, exactly," he said. Just then, the toast popped up, triggering Castiel to flinch and look in the exact opposite direction from Dean. Dean got up and joined Sam in the kitchen, throwing open the fridge so he didn't have to look at those blue eyes again.

"So, Cas, what d'you want on your toast? We got jam, peanut butter, nu--"

"Actually, thank you, but I'm really not hungry," Castiel stammered. Sam looked back, concerned, but Dean didn't even turn around.

"Butter it is," he said, grabbing the box.

"Dean," Sam started.

"Well you've already made it," he said, gesturing towards the three plates that each held two slices of bread. "And breakfast is the most important meal of the day, if you didn't know," he raised his voice so Castiel could hear.

Castiel protested the entire time the Winchester's were buttering bread and watering glasses, but when they were all seated at the table and Castiel took his first grumpy bite, he ended up devouring the entire thing, including the last of Sam's.

*

Three hours had passed since Dean had dropped Castiel off at his own home where he was greeted by a red headed girl he assumed was Anna. Even though Castiel said he could walk to his home in two minutes, Dean said that he would have failed as a host if he didn't deliver his car-less guest back to his front door. Also, he wanted to see where he lived, but he didn't say that. 

Back in his own home, Dean was sprawled across his bed staring at the ceiling and making annoying noises. He'd been stumped for finding ways to pass the time right after Castiel left. First, he'd watched a couple Game Of Thrones with Sam, but then Sam said he had some homework to get to and it was less fun to watch them alone, so Dean had retreated to his own room. He'd watched a few live performances of his favourite songs via YouTube, but even that wasn't enough to stop his restlessness. 

He just wanted to go  _out_  and  _do something_. He had no idea what, but he was certain that even sitting staring at a tree in the park would be better than staring at the ceiling in his bedroom. But he didn't want to go sit in a park himself. He turned his head to look at his phone, inches away from his face on the nightstand. He found himself wishing he had Castiel's number, so he could make an effort at texting (it was something he desperately needed to practice). Castiel had his. Dean had put it in after texting Gabriel, and told him just before they got into the impala. He said he should call him whenever. 

Dean cursed and flinched when the phone started buzzing, and therefore sliding across the nightstand closer to him. Dean swung his legs round and planted them on the floor as he picked up the phone. The screen displayed a number, not a contact. Usually, Dean ignored unknown numbers, but today he was just _so bored_.

He slid the green button across the screen.

"Hello, Dean," said a gruff, serious voice. Dean beamed a smile. 

"What's up Cas? How's the hangover?" he asked chirply.

"Um. My head still hurts, but it's not that bad. Also, my sister's birthday is in three days, and I have to go to the mall," Castiel said. When he didn't say more, Dean laughed.

"Is that an invitation?"

"Yes," he said. Dean raised his eyebrows at his bluntness.

"Wow, Cas, you're not much of a phone guy are ya?"

"I find it easier to converse with people when I can see their face,"

"Alright, fair enough. I'll be at your place in a few minutes, okay?"

"Sounds good," and then the tone beeped, signalling that Castiel had hung up. Dean pulled the phone from his ear and stared at it. He was unused to people hanging up before saying bye. There was a lot he needed to teach Cas.

Sure enough, four minutes later, Dean was screeching to a halt outside Castiel's house. Once again, he found himself admiring the architecture. The council really fixed these places up. Two storey houses spaced wide apart from each other with grass and shrubbery so green it looked fake. The porches even had fucking marble pillars, as if plain old wooden beams weren't good enough. What kind of house needed a double door with stained glass anyway? Castiel was out the door the second Dean's hand hit the horn.

"What's that even meant to be?" Dean purposefully left out a greeting, seeing as how Cas neglected to say his farewells. 

"What do you mean," he said as he fumbled around for a seatbelt.

"If you're looking for a belt, you ain't gonna find any," Dean said casually, deciding the glass door could wait a moment. Just as he'd expected, Cas turned on that expression of horror again. Dean burst out laughing.

"Why is that funny? That's incredibly unsafe!" Castiel protested, raising his voice a little bit as Dean wiped a tear from his eye.

"Dude, relax. Seatbelts were optional back in the day--"

"Then why did you choose against them?"

"Ask the guy that made the car! Cas, it's fine. I've been driving this exact car since I was fourteen. I'm good at it. Don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty talented at not crashing a car," he said, still turned in his seat to face the door. The stained glass was broken up in too many bits, it just looked like dots and dashes from where he was sitting. He had to know. 

"How have you been driving since you were fourteen? I'm not a lawyer, but I'm sure that's illegal," Castiel said. Dean snorted at him.

"My uncle Bobby's a mechanic. His house is kind of out of the way, and he has this big lot. It was just a starting point, I've got an official drivers license so don't worry about that," he said. Castiel sunk back a little on the chair, but Dean noticed his hands still gripped the bottom of the bench with so much force that his knuckles were going white. He didn't mention it.

"Now, the door. What's the glass s'posed to be?" he asked, pointing. Castiel followed his point.

"Oh. Flowers."

"Flowers?" Dean asked. He couldn't be serious. It was just a bunch of colours.

"Flowers," Castiel confirmed.

"No, no I don't believe you," Dean said, leaning closer as if that would readjust the arrangement of the glass. "Looks nothing like any flower I ever saw,"

"I'll trust your driving skills if you trust me about the flowers," Castiel said with the slightest curl of his lip. Dean shook his head, a faint smile on his own face.  _Touche, Cas_.

"As if you even have the choice to trust me. You gonna walk to the mall?" Dean said, needing to have the last word. He knew it was a bit unfair to upstage Cas like that, since he was obviously so smug about it, but this was Dean's car. Nobody one-ups Dean in his impala.

"But yeah, now that you mention it, I do see a rose in there," Dean said, not liking Castiel's defeated expression. Just when Castiel turned round to look, Dean sped off. And he was sure he heard Castiel curse him.

*

Traipsing around the brightly lit aisles of the mall made Dean remember how much he hated them. Everything looked the same. It was all too clean and new and busy. Every time someone nudged his shoulder or some little kid crashed into his leg, it took all his self control not to shove them right back. He glanced over at Castiel, who seemed to be gliding along contentedly. This was probably where he did all his shopping, and Dean pitied him for it. He'd have to introduce Cas to his favourite thrift stores the next time they hung out.

"So, you got something in mind or are we just browsing?" Dean asked.

"Yes, I'm getting her a sweater. We seen it a few weeks ago in one of the shops down this way," Castiel said, taking a sudden right down a narrower but no less busy corridor. Dean scrambled to keep up with him, not wanting to lose him in the crowd.

"Good, so that wont take long right? 'Cause I spotted an arcade a while back that looks promising," Dean said. He only got a quick glance as they passed it, but it looked a lot bigger than the one closer to his place by the park. It even had a bowling alley, a game which Dean had somehow never played in his seventeen years of life.

"I don't think so. I hope they have her size, though, or I'll need to ask someone," Castiel said. Dean prayed that didn't happen because the sooner they got in and out of there, the better. Alas, his prayers were answered as Castiel found the perfect size and payed for it in no time, and ten minutes later they found themselves outside the arcade. 

"Sucks that you have to lug that bag around with you," Dean said, nodding towards the large plastic carrier that held Anna's sweater. Castiel frowned at it.

"Yes, maybe we should have came here first,"

"Ah well. The deed is done." Dean said as he walked ahead, feeling too lazy to go outside, dump the bag in the impala and return. The inside of the arcade was wide and open, with flashing coloured lights everywhere, bathing the place in greens and blues and yellows. All the games here were just coin pushers and claw machines that little kids were busy playing as their parents sat at the bar to the side. Castiel began levitating over to a free space at a coin pusher.

"Cas, no, these things just eat money--"

"That's the whole point of an arcade," Castiel countered, looking at Dean very seriously. "I want the bumblebee keyring," he said, shuffling closer to the machine to look at it. Dean peered over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. The bumblebee was way at the back.

"I could  _buy_  you a bee keyring for less than what you'll waste on this machine," Dean said, tugging Castiel away by the sleeve. He noticed that he was wearing a trench coat, which Dean had always figured were for middle-aged business men, but whatever.

Castiel complied, and Dean led him over to a wall at the far left with overly gory shooting games and driving simulators.

"Now  _this_  is the good stuff," he smiled, taking Castiel's bag and tossing it to their feet at a shooting game titled Zombie Massacre. Castiel picked up the red plastic shotgun as if it was something he'd never seen before in his life, but Dean was too busy pointing his blue shotgun at the screen to pick the settings.

"Alright, multiplayer, death mode..." Dean was mumbling to himself, his eyes locked on the screen like he was in a trance. He could sense Castiel shifting the gun about to his left.

"Death mode?" he asked.

"It's the hardest setting," Dean grinned evilly as Castiel groaned, but didn't protest.

"I've never played this before, Dean. Is this the kind of arcade where you get tickets?"

"I don't think so,"

"That's a shame. I could've bartered with them for the bumblebee keyring," he said. Dean chuckled at him, but they both shut up when the screen began counting down in big green numbers. Then the screen faded to black, and a few seconds later a zombie jumped at the screen screaming, pasty green flesh rotting off its face as its eyes bled. 

"Agh!" Castiel exclaimed, leaping back but managing to shoot the thing right between its horrible eyes. Dean was unsure if Cas had actually done that or if it was just scripted into the game, but he congratulated him all the same. Although Castiel's glory was shot-lived, as for the rest of the five minute game he was killed countless times, whereas Dean was shooting up zombie faces left right and centre.

When finally the last eerie groan faded away and the screen turned back into its flashing menu screen, Castiel threw his shotgun down into its holder.

"Can we play something easier now?" he asked as he scooped up his bag from the floor. Dean disarmed his own shotgun and turned to look around the arcade once again. There were endless games he wanted to play, but a good deal of them were occupied already. There was a free air hockey table though.

"Easy is for pussies," Dean joked as they headed towards the table. He'd always been good at arcade games, as the house he'd lived in from ages 10-13 was only two blocks away from one. He'd taken Sammy there every Saturday afternoon, followed by pie from the little cafe next to it. Man, that town had been a dump, but he would walk the 500 miles there just to taste some of that apple pie again. 

Air hockey, however, proved to be Castiel's forte. He was quick as a cat, his mallet blocking the puck every time it came near his goal, and sending it zooming back up to Dean's end into his goal. Dean cursed himself every time. With Sam, he'd always reigned the Arcade King, but it looked like he was about to be overthrown by Castiel here. 

Just after Cas squeezed in one final goal, the buzzer went and the puck disappeared from the puck return. Dean threw his mallet down as he glared at the screen above the table flashing the score  **13-4**  in big red numbers. That was just embarrassing, the fact that passerby's were looking didn't make it any better, but Dean was thankful when Castiel didn't say a word about it, and instead asked what he'd like to play next. Dean tried not to think about how childish he could be at times. 

For the next forty minutes, Dean and Castiel circled the arcade playing game after game after game. It turned out that Castiel was quite a challenging opponent, compared to Sammy who until that day was the only person Dean had ever played against. He was reminded of his earlier comment: "easy is for pussies". 

Halfway through a motorbike race, Dean's phone started buzzing in his jacket pocket, but it wasn't like he could pause the game or anything, so he ignored it. A few minutes later, after Castiel won the race (with Dean in a very close second), Dean pulled out his phone, and inhaled sharply.

 **Dad**  
**Missed Call (3)**

 _Shit._ Dean fumbled to unlock his phone and tap his Dad's name quickly, holding his breath as each tone made his heart thud. He could feel Castiel watching him, debating whether or not to say something, before he turned away and began messing about on his own phone. Dean hoped Cas realised how great he was.

 _"Dean?"_  said John's voice, dark and obviously pissed. Dean checked behind him to make sure Cas wasn't within earshot.

"Hey, Dad, I'm so sorry--"

 _"I don't want to hear it, son. Don't bother apologizing, you just make sure that the next time I call you, you answer it. I don't care what you're doing, you just drop it and answer me, you hear?"_  John said. Dean swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Yes, sir," was all he could say. He knew well enough by now that when John Winchester called, it wasn't just for a chat. 

 _"Now, listen. Two guys might be coming by the house later. You don't need to know who they are or what they want but make sure you're home. Don't let Sammy see them. He'll start asking things he don't need to know, you understand?"_  he said hurriedly. There was obviously more, he just needed to know Dean was paying attention.

"Yes, sir," he said.

 _"Good. I can't tell exactly what they're gonna say, but I think they know better than to really hurt a couple of kids, so when they ask where I am you tell 'em that I'm up at the north of the city, out the back of Hutchison's Den. That's all you need to do. Got it?"_  he asked. Dean held his tongue. He knew better than to ask his father questions about his business. He had no clue if John actually planned to be there or not, but if so it was the first night he'd been in town since they'd moved here two weeks ago.

"Got it. Hey, Dad?" he said, suddenly hesitant.

 _"What is it,"_  he said impatiently.

"Do you think... I mean. Can I see you?" he said, biting the nail of his thumb as he awaited an answer. There was a sigh from the other end of the phone.

 _"Dean, you know I can't,"_  he said. But Dean didn't know. John had never actually explained anything to him. He didn't explain why his sketchy job required him to be away for weeks on end. He didn't explain why he did what he did. He didn't even explain why one night, they had to pack up their things and drive half way across the country to find a new home.

"Alright... When--"

 _"Look, I'm sorry to ask this. I really am. But these guys..._ Fuck. _You need to... pretend like you're not gonna tell them at first. Act like you're trying to, to protect me or something. Give in eventually, but... you need to make it look real. Like you're not sending them straight into a trap,"_  he said. He hadn't explained it well, but eventually his words sunk in. 

"So, what, I gotta get beat up by these bozos?" he asked sharply, trying to sound anything but afraid. John groaned.

 _"That's one way to put it. I'm really sorry to make you do this son, but I have no one else,"_  he said. Dean wanted to hang up the phone on him, but that would only make things between them worse, so he gripped onto it with his jaw clenched.  _"...Dean?"_

"Yeah. It's okay. Of course I'll do it," he said. 

 _"That's my boy. I need to go now, but you text me when they leave, okay? Don't call. Text."_  he said.

"Don't call. Text," Dean repeated. 

 _"Goodbye, Dean,"_ he said. Before Dean could open his mouth, the tone kicked in. He stared at the phone, defeated. 

"Are you okay?" Castiel asked upon Dean's return. He had his head tilted to the side and his eyes were soft, almost understanding. But there was no way Castiel could even begin to understand what Dean was feeling right then.

"Peachy." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you sm for reading angels!! I would be so happy if you commented what u think :*


	5. Now That's What I Call High School Drama

_August 30, Sunday, 5:56pm_

"Hey, wanna go to the park?"

Castiel blinked, his fingers gripping so tightly onto the door handle that his knuckles were turning white.

"Uh, hi?" He frowned at Dean, who had unexpectedly turned up to his house. His frown deepened when he saw the scab on Dean's bottom lip, and the subtle but definitely there bruise on his eye. He reached halfway out to his face, but stopped himself.

"What happened to you?" he asked. Dean's face straightened and he became completely unreadable. He leaned back a little, as if Castiel's hand was still there. He swallowed and closed his eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it," he said bluntly. Then he opened his eyes again, daring Castiel to say another word about it. He knew he shouldn't, but he wanted to. The thought of someone hurting Dean like that made his stomach turn. Not being able to think of anything but the one thing Dean didn't want to discuss, he remained silent. Helplessly silent.

"Really, Cas. You should see the other guy," Dean chuckled, although it didn't sound too convincing. Castiel forced a smile and nodded, which made Dean relax his shoulders a little. He should try to forget about it.

It was exactly a week since Castiel had worked up the courage to invite Dean to the mall with him. He'd been staring at the phone in his trembling hands for a full five minutes before finally thinking  _Fuck It_ , and phoning him up. Everything had ended up going ten times better than he could've imagined, but after Dean dropped him back home they hadn't spoke a word outside of school. Even then, their conversations felt slow and awkward, and he couldn't understand why. Castiel felt like the two of them wanted to talk, they just didn't know how.

"Uh. I'm here because I was just thinking maybe we could go out and grab a burger or something," Dean said casually, leaning against the door frame. Castiel envied his confidence. And this is certainly not what he expected late into a Sunday afternoon. This was usually about the time he plugged in his PlayStation and played that for four, maybe five hours. Dean had disrupted his entire routine, but he realised that he was okay with that.

"Cas?" Dean had stepped away from the door and snapped his fingers in Castiel's face, a mask of confusion on his own.

"Yeah! Yeah, uh. Yeah, let me just get some money. Come in, I guess," Castiel stood back and gestured into the oversized marble hallway with his right hand, using his left hand to rub his nose.

"What a warm, welcoming invitation," Dean drawled, sarcasm dripping from the words.

"Haha," Castiel said nervously. That was the worst fake laugh he'd ever attempted in his life, and he couldn't even ignore it because Dean was staring at him, although his lips were still smiling. The whole thing felt very weird to Castiel.

"Sorry, um. My room is upstairs, I'll be right back?" he began to turn away, but his guest was still standing outside in the heat. "Please, come in. It's cool," he added.

Dean scanned the floor for a moment. It dawned on Castiel that it was actually probably quite weird for Dean to see the inside of his house - he was sure that Dean was comparing it to his own one two streets away. The floor was a creamy marble tile with an elaborate pattern in a darker shade right in the centre of the floor. There weren't any doorways, just glossy wooden archways leading into even more large, pristine rooms that looked as if they belonged in some fancy shmancy catalog, not a home that people actually lived in.

He scrubbed his feet against the door mat before venturing in, careful of getting a smudge of dirt or something on the immaculate floor.

"Uh, you can sit in the living room. I'll be right back," Castiel said. It felt kind of weird leaving his crush alone in his living room, but hey, what else could he do? There was no freaking way Dean was going with Castiel to his bedroom. Gabriel was up there. Probably laying sprawled out on his unmade bed listening to weird indie music as he chatted to people on Facebook. He had a habit of leaving candy wrappers or soda cans laying about. Something that always embarrassed Castiel, but he always thought  _hey, at least no one comes up here._

He ran up the stairs two at a time to grab his wallet from the shelf. He burst into the room and, just as he had predicted, his brother was laying in a nest of candy and popsicle wrappers as he clicked away on his laptop. He barely glanced at Castiel.

"I'm going out with a friend, see ya later," he said quickly, knowing he needed to notify his brother of his absence, but not wanting to have a discussion about it.

"Huh,"

When he returned back downstairs, his eyes landed on Dean and his stomach lurched. He was squinting at a photograph on the mantelpiece of the entire Novak family. They were standing outside the old house, the house they'd lived in for eight years, and they looked genuinely happy.

Castiel's father looked much like Gabriel did today. The long face, bold forehead, and pale hazel eyes said that yes, they were definitely father and son. The only difference was that their fathers hair was a much darker shade, even darker than Castiel's, and he was balding. 

He had his left arm around Castiel's mother and his right hand on a little Gabriel's shoulder. Castiel thought about his mother often, but not for long as it hurt too much. She was the best mom anyone could ask for - and he was well aware that a lot of people said that about their moms, but he really meant it. There wasn't a single thing he would change about her.

Well, maybe one thing. But he dismissed that thought quickly and went to join Dean's side. When Dean realised he wasn't alone, he jolted around and _blushed._

"Hey, uh, sorry. Don't mean to pry, I just kind of seen it and thought, 'Wow, that Castiel was one cute kid!'" Dean laughed uncertainly, stepping away from the photo. "So, those your parents?" he asked swiftly, recovering from the brief awkward moment. Castiel scratched the back of his neck and nodded.

"Yeah." he said simply. He was itching to hurry up and get out of the house, all of a sudden, but Dean wasn't budging. He continued watching Castiel, as if expecting him to say more.

"My mom actually left when I was younger. She lives in Costa Rica now, and my dad's always at work. It's really just me and Gabriel here during the day, and my sister Anna comes home from college at around six-ish," he said quickly. That just about summed it all up. Dean now looked embarrassed for asking.

"Oh, shit, sorry--"

"No don't worry about it--"

"No, like. I shouldn't have asked," Dean said as he started shuffling towards the door. "My parents aren't exactly the epitome of the perfect apple pie life. My dad's work takes up a lot of his time, too,"

That lifted some weight from Castiel's shoulders. He'd always felt ashamed and even abnormal because of the way his parents had behaved his whole life. Ever since Mom left when he and Gabe were 8, his dad left them too. He was still there physically, sometimes at least, but emotionally he was just... gone.

Castiel was terrified of people judging him for this, even though he knew there was nothing he could have done to prevent it. But knowing that his new friend who he was also crushing for pretty bad had grown up with a similar experience comforted him somewhat. Of course it was shitty that that had happened to him, but Castiel could relate.

"You ever been to the skate park in Ash Park?" Dean asked, startling Castiel from his cloudy daydream. Castiel shook his head.

"No," he said slowly. He had been to Ash Park, of course, it was the largest park in their town, and in the early days of their friendship he'd let Becky drag him there more times than he cared to admit. But the park was huge, and he hadn't explored all of it. He didn't even know there was a skate park. A park within a park.

"Well, there's this bit beside it with benches to sit on, and theres a van there that sells the most  _amazing_  bacon cheeseburgers I've ever had. Great fries, too." Dean said as they left the house and began walking towards the sidewalk.

Castiel smiled at him, thinking how oddly cute it was that Dean actually had an idea of what to do, and Dean smiled right back.

*

After ordering two bacon cheeseburger meals, the pair sat down on the red metal bench closest to the skate park. There were about ten people skating up ramps and scraping along railings in front of them, but the rest of the benches were unoccupied. Occasionally, they would call out words of encouragement to each other, or they would get excited about how sick one of Ellie's flips were.

"Do you skate?" Castiel asked, assuming that was how Dean discovered the van. Instead Dean barked a laugh through a mouthful of burger and shook his head.

"Nah. Never had time to learn." he said

"It's still not too late," Castiel replied, watching with awe as a boy with grassy green hair flew up a ramp and did some fancy flip with his board before sliding back down.

"Well, do you want to skate?" Dean asked

"Yes, it would be cool, I guess,"

"Well then why don't you? 'It's still not too late', as a friend of mine once said," Dean grinned, before taking a gulp of his milkshake. Castiel laughed and tried not to focus too much on how nice it felt to hear Dean refer to him as his friend.

Dean downed the last of his milkshake before tossing it into the trashcan ten feet away.

"Forget skating, you should take up basketball," Castiel joked.

"You know, Cas, I feel like I don't know you, so we should play Truth Or Dare or something. Get to know each other," Dean said cooly. It took Castiel by surprise though. He hadn't even played that game since he was twelve.

"I hate that game. It might as well be called Who's Your Crush Or Embarrass Yourself Publicly," Castiel thought aloud, to which Dean laughed.

"I guess. 20 Questions then?" Dean said.

"Sure, as long as you don't ask who I have a crush on,"

"Who  _do_  you have a crush on,"

"No one!" Castiel replied far too quickly, but Dean didn't press on.

"Okay then, I'll start. Um. What's your favourite colour?" Dean asked.

"Green. What's yours?" Castiel replied.

"Hey, no repeating questions!"

"Okay, okay!" Castiel said, rolling his eyes playfully. "Hm. Favourite TV show?"

"Dr. Sexy M.D," He replied, without skipping a beat.

"Seriously? My sister watches that, it's terrible! The characters are so stereotypical and they make everything seem twenty times more dramatic than it really is,"

"Doctor Sexy though," Dean said.

"He's not that s-"

"Favourite food!" Dean interrupted

"Anything from White Castle,"

"Okay, but you gotta admit that these burgers are better," Dean said, lifting up his burger to take a bite.

"I disagree," Castiel said.

"Well I agree," Dean said in return.

"You can't agree with yourself,"

"Yeah I can, I just did!"

"Okay, this is question four? Oh. Let me think for a minute. Oh, okay, if you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you buy?" Castiel asked.

"Well I won twenty dollars before on a lottery scratch-card and bought a second-hand video game with it. Resident Evil 5, you played that? It's awesome,"

"No, i mean if you won a million dollars or something huge like that,"

"Oh. Well, in that case, a better house. Maybe one on your side of the street because I don't wanna move school, but your house was like a fucking palace,"

Castiel opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a voice that wasn't Dean's.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Bert and Ernie!" the boy's voice was cutting and gravelly. Simultaneously, Dean and Castiel twisted around to look over their shoulders. Castiel recognized him instantly as Gavin. Gavin Crowley. As in algebra teacher Mr Crowley's son. Castiel hated running into people from school, but if he had to he would prefer literally anyone over Gavin and his girlfriend Abi Abaddon, who stood beside him, arms around each other.

Even Castiel could see that Abi was beautiful - but he had a deeply rooted hatred for the girl as she had a talent for tormenting people. He had the misfortune of being sat in front of her in American History, and although they'd only been at school a week, she'd already bullied and pranked him more than enough.

"I don't understand that reference," Castiel said quietly, frowning at the ground as he thought. The pairing sounded familiar... Gavin and Abi raised their eyebrows, as if mirroring each other. Castiel had never spoken to Gavin before, but he knew he was just as awful as his girlfriend.

"Fuck off, Gavin," Dean growled, glaring at him with pure hatred.

Gavin blinked and reeled back, waving his hands in front of him in a mock surrender.

"Such foul language, Dean Winchester! Disgraceful. Do you kiss your boyfriend with that mouth?" He said tauntingly. Abi sniggered and tilted her head.

"You have a boyfriend?" Castiel asked, astonished.

"What- no- I- he's talking about you, Cas," Dean stuttered.

"I'm not your boyfriend," he said, confused.

"Exactly!" Dean said loudly, swinging around on the bench to face Gavin.

"He looks like your boyfriend," Abi  said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Castiel asked.

"Cas, it's nothing! Leave it! They're just fucking with us. Now get lost Gavin,"

"Why should I? It's a fine evening," Gavin gestured to the setting sun that filtered light through the trees, an expression of wonder on his face. "I just want to enjoy the sights with my girlfriend, maybe experience the fine cuisine. Have you met Abi?" he said, eyes fixed on Dean as he pulled Abi tighter to him. She still managed to appear chilled and casual, as she stood with a hand on her hip snapping gum.

"No, to hell with you and your girlfriend," Dean said, refusing to meet eye with either of them.

"Well now, Dean, that's no way to treat a lady," Abi tutted.

Dean turned his head to face away from them.

"Wow, reaaal mature, Dean," she said, before tugging at Gavin's arm, leading him to the burger van. Castiel and Dean sat in silence for a few moments, Castiel at a loss for words. He was used to Abi, but Dean seemed to have a similar situation going on with Gavin, and his face was turning red.

"Who are Bert and Ernie?" Castiel finally said, voice lowered. Dean threw a look of disbelief at him.

"Wow, Cas, really? Sesame Street ring any bells?"

"That's a childrens show,"

"A childrens show that you apparently never watched. Bert and Ernie... Uh, they're a couple of characters in it, and everybody thinks they're a gay couple."

"So, Gavin thought I was your boyfriend?" Castiel said slowly. As much as he despised rumours, this one wasn't that bad. Until, with a sinking feeling, he remembered Lisa.

"No, he's just messing with us," Dean said, confirming what he was thinking.  _At least he doesn't appear offended by it,_ Castiel thought,glad that his crush wasn't homophobic. He'd been through that once before, he didn't want it again. Not with Dean.

Gavin and Abi reappeared, and sat together on the bench right next to Dean and Castiel.

"Are you friggin' serious?" Dean complained.

"What?" Gavin asked with a sly grin, as he unwrapped his burger.

"I told you to fuck off!" Dean said.

"Hey, we have as much right to be here as you do," Abi replied, voice silky and calm.

"C'mon, Cas," Dean pushed himself up from the bench and stormed away, Castiel following as Gavin and Abi watched with triumph.

"But we didn't finish 20 Questions," Castiel said.

*

The next Monday, Castiel didn't get to see Dean until lunch, as the only class they shared that day was algebra, and that wasn't until fifth period. He wondered if Gavin had told his father about their encounter at the park the day before.

At lunch, after quickly wolfing down his meal alone, he headed to the locker corridor in search of Dean. And he found him at his usual bench with Jo... and Lisa. He'd never seen the two of them together during school before, although a few times he seen them walking home together. When Dean spotted him, he rose to his feet to meet him

"Dean, today six people have asked me how my boyfriend is. Now, since nobody ever took any notice of me at all, and now they are suddenly asking about my dating life, I am very confused. What adds to the confusion is that I do not have a boyfriend." Castiel said, focusing entirely on Dean and not on Lisa, who'd gone dead silent.

Dean sighed and half turned to glance at Lisa.

"People have been asking me about my boyfriend too." he said, seeming quite irritated. This time, Castiel couldn't ignore Lisa's disgusted glare.

"But you don't have a boyfriend either," Castiel said, forcing himself to ignore her.

"Exactly,"

"Sounds like somebody's been spreading rumours. About time too, we haven't had anything good in a while. The last big thing was that you and I had sex," Jo said to Dean. Lisa groaned loudly, as if to further remind everyone of her presence.

"You're not helping, Jo" Dean sighed, staring at her impassively.

"Just stating the facts," Jo said. "And sorry, Lis. Seriously, though, who do you think started this?"

"Gavin," Dean said at the same time Castiel said "Abi,"

"Oh. Shit, he's Crowley's son isn't he?" Jo asked.

"Yeah," Dean nodded. "Pissing me of is like, a hobby of his,"

"Abi gives me shit all the time too," Castiel added.

"They probably conspired together together, like an evil super team," Jo said, trying to keep up an air of humour.

"Hey lover boys!" somebody called from somewhere, their voice louder than everybody elses. Of course, it was Gavin. Castiel could tell from his cutting, gravelly voice.

"Aw, fuck," Dean said.

And sure enough, Gavin and Abi pushed their way through a crowd of people, side by side, huge grins on their faces. It was quite intimidating, Castiel had to admit. Eyes wide, he turned to Dean, as if he held the solution for what to do, but he just stared at the couple, his face stoic.

"Look, if you could just leave us alone, that would be awesome," he said, just as the couple came to a stop in front of them. They stood side by side, as did Dean and Castiel, as Jo and Lisa stood to the side nearest Dean. Jo looked anxious, as if she should do something but she didn't know what. Lisa was just staring coldly, gaze switching from Castiel to Dean to Castiel again.

"I don't think so. You see, the pair of you have been pissing us off ever since school started." Gavin said. Abi locked eyes with Castiel and winked, although her eyes were empty, which caused Castiel to shudder.

"How?" Castiel asked, gathering up all his courage. He hadn't said a word to either of them in his life. Even when Abi sprinkled pencil sharpenings on his head, he brushed them off with his hand and kept his lips zipped, too terrified to say a word in case of initiating an argument.

"Because I've heard that you're a queer," Gavin said, folding his arms and leaning in to Dean a little, who flinched at the word. Castiel realized how stuffy it was in the corridor, and he wished he wasn't wearing a hoodie. But he noticed that people were watching him now, and he felt too scrutinized to remove it.

"That's fucking stupid. Who told you that? I have a girlfriend," Dean said, gesturing towards Lisa, who switched her death glare towards Gavin.

"Lisa, is that true?" Abi drawled, stalking towards her intimidatingly. "Are you dating a queer?"

Castiel bit his lip roughly - he literally couldn't stand that word - and watched Dean as he fixed his stare at the ground beneath him. Then he watched Lisa's tough exterior crumble away as, all at once, she understood something that Castiel still didn't.

Lisa looked back at Abi, who was literally towering over her. She stared at her, mouth gaping, for a second before backing away and disappearing down the corridor. Jo whispered an apology - to who Castiel didn't know, before she hurried after her.

"Well, that answers  _that_  question," Abi chuckled, but Castiel didn't understand.  _Did Lisa just break up with him? What was that?_  Dean was completely still, head raised but eyes cast down. More people were crowding around to watch now, and Castiel felt a hot bolt of fear through his chest when he spotted a girl pointing her phone at them.  _Is she expecting a fight?_

"Why do you care if...?" Castiel had tried to take control, to be the one to speak up as Dean clearly didn't know how to cope with this. But neither did he, apparently, as his words died when Gavin looked at him with anger flaring in his eyes.

"If what? If you're both gay for each other? Because it's fucked up and gross, that's why, okay?" he said brutally. Abi raised an eyebrow and nodded in agreement as Castiel bit his lip so hard he tasted blood. Dean's head had shot up now, and he looked ready to do something, but Gavin kept talking.

"I don't want to have to fucking watch you two homos shove your tongues down each other's throats--"

"Well, I don't want to watch you shove  _your_  tongue down  _her_  throat," Dean interrupted, waving a hand at Abi with a feigned look of disgust on his face, "but you know what I do? I look away,"

The girl that was recording with her phone hollered "OHHHH," and Gavin's face grew red. Abi straightened her posture - making her even taller if that was possible - and stepped towards Dean.

"Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?"

And that's when Gavin punched Dean in the face.

Dean seemed to have been expecting it, as he had begun to raise his arms, but he just wasn't quick enough as Gavin still caught him in the jaw. He staggered backwards, but fought to keep his footing.

"Dean!" Castiel called, and leaped to his side, but Abi intercepted and punched him hard in the stomach. He spluttered and double over, fighting for breath as Abi pushed his side. He would have tumbled over if Dean hadn't been standing there. He ushered Castiel to the side so he could lean against a pillar, then shoved Abi in the opposite direction.

"Don't fucking touch her!" Gavin yelled as he stepped towards Dean again, although it was hard to hear with the chanting of the crowd around them. Castiel, with all of his energy, pushed himself away from the pillar and into Gavin, raising a fist as he did so.

He'd never actually punched anyone in his life, and he expected to make a fool of himself and miss. But fist connected to chin, and Gavin's head snapped to the side. Castiel gasped as he held his fist - punching hurt, apparently. Nevertheless, he smiled triumphantly. But he'd forgotten about Abi, who appeared in front of him and punched him again, winding him once more.

"Fuck!" Castiel coughed and staggered backwards, where he was kicked in the back of the knee by Gavin, who also appeared from nowhere. His kicked leg buckled, but he fought to stay up, and was left kneeling awkwardly as he struggled to take deep breaths. When both of them stepped forwards at once, Castiel knew he had no chance, sitting on the floor and winded against two seemingly experienced fighters.

They both swung at him at once, but only Abi's hand connected with Castiel's face, as Dean had stepped in, grabbed Gavin's arm, pinned it behind his back and shoved him down to the ground all in a matter of seconds.

Castiel could feel the blood trickling out of his nose, and forced himself to his feet, ignoring how his right knee protested in agony. Abi shot a concerned look at her boyfriend who was struggling to get back up as Dean continued pushing him back down, but she turned on Castiel for a fourth time.

He really didn't want to fight a girl, but he also knew he had to fight back, so he shot his foot out and kicked her in the ankle. She was wearing heels, and it seemed like her entire leg collapsed as she went down.

Castiel was suddenly aware that the constant cheer of "fight! fight! fight!" had come to an end. Teachers had swarmed in from seemingly nowhere. Three were helping up Gavin and supporting him, and two attended to Abi. One was removing her shoes while the other was holding her arm, ready to hoist her up. Two had assisted Dean down the corridor to the office, and one was leading Castiel in the opposite direction.

"Wait, is Dean okay?"

"You'll find out later, first we need to make sure your nose isn't broken," Ms Bradbury, one of the school counselor's said as she hurried him along to the nurse's office.

Once the nurse cleaned up Castiel's nose and confirmed that it wasn't broken, although it would probably bruise, Ms Bradbury took Castiel to wait just outside the office that she shared with Mr Gadreel, another counselor.

Castiel sat there resting his chin in his hands as he thought about Dean. Dean once told him who his counselor was, but he couldn't remember for the life of him who it was. He just wished he could talk to him, or at the very least just be with him, as he felt that Dean wouldn't be up for talking. He pulled out his phone and opened up his messages with Dean. He stared at it, thumbs hovering over the keyboard. What could he say?

He was interrupted by the door beside him swinging open to reveal Mr Gadreel and...Dean! Castiel's eyes met with his, but no words were exchanged as Dean was helplessly ushered past by his counselor. Ms Bradbury walked out

"Alrightie, come on in, Castiel" she said cheerily. Castiel was glad she was his counselor, she was the youngest and least serious of all of them. He'd also heard that she was gay, which always added some bonus likeability points.

When Castiel sat in the wooden chair in front of Ms Bradbury's desk, she turned to her computer, fingers held in typing position.

"Okay, Castiel, I want you to relax, you are not in any huge trouble, but you will be given detention." she typed something in and then made a few clicks, and although the screen was blocked from Castiel's view, he was sure some sort of record about him was there.

"You've never been in any fights before - in fact, you are one of our best students. Homework always handed in on time...very high marks on tests,  _perfect_  attendance. Which is why I'm confused. Something pretty drastic must have happened to cause you to lash out," she said sympathetically, clasping her hands together as she leaned forwards, awaiting his response.

Castiel closed his eyes so she didn't see him rolling them and counted to ten. She didn't say anything - simply waited for him. He opened his eyes and took a breath.

"In my defence, they started it," Castiel said, wincing at how childish she sounded.

"Who?"

"Gavin Crowley and Abi Abaddon," he said, hoping that word didn't get out that he was a snitch.

"Oh,  _them_. This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Okay, tell me all about it,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for late update! i only had to edit this yesterday before posting but i had some major writers block. im all good today though and i feel like im gonna have a writing day! i also had an idea for a new story today, which is cool. anyway, hope u enjoyed this chapter ^_^


	6. All the Small Things

_August 31, Monday, 2:57pm_

Dean Winchester had been given detention. He was made to attend his last two classes of the day, which was almost unbearable as Castiel was in one, Lisa in the other.

In Algebra, he felt Castiel's eyes on him more than once, but he never looked up. He kept his eyes fixed either on the board or his textbook, and thanked God that Mr Crowley didn't say a word to him the entire period (or rather, thanked Mr Gadreel, as he'd sent him an email explaining the situation and told him not to give Dean a rough time).

Next period, in Chemistry, he usually had to sit next to Lisa, which just would have been too much for him. He was really considering just excusing himself to the toilet and never coming back, but when he reached his classroom he seen that Lisa was sitting in an empty seat at the front, next to Jo. Jo offered a sincere, small smile at Dean when he walked in, but he only lifted his hand in a wave, too tired to really do anything else.

Chemistry passed slowly and uneventfully, until he was packing up before the bell and Lisa approached.

"Dean," she said, voice lowered as her eyes flicked to the side to ensure no one was eavesdropping, "we need to talk. Can we go to my place?"

Dean gulped and diverted his eyes. "Can't. I have detention," he said. Lisa stared through him for a moment as she thought.

"After detention then. This can't wait Dean," she said seriously. He knew it couldn't wait. He knew what it was. She was going to break up with him, and he didn't even care. He'd break up with her right there and then, just to get it over with, but he wasn't a dick. Now his entire hour in detention would be spend dreading what was coming after. Fantastic.

When he reached the detention classroom, Castiel was already there. So was another girl, Meg, and the teacher. Mr Spangler, one of the English teachers, looked at Dean, who wasn't moving. He felt as if his feet were weighed down with lead bricks as he locked eyes with Castiel, who was sitting in the back by the window.

He didn't know where to sit. He would feel weird sitting next to Castiel, but then he would also feel weird sitting as far away as he could from him. Thankfully, Mr Spangler solved his dilemma, as he ordered him to sit in the same row as Castiel, but all the way at the other end.

When he sat down and threw his stuff onto the floor next to him, Dean sighed and sprawled out across his desk. Meg, he noticed, was in the front of the middle row, the three of them forming a triangle.

"If you have any homework or studying to do, then do it," Mr Spangler said distantly as he browsed the web on his computer, "but no games, or phones, or reading books,"

Dean glanced to Meg, who was dozing behind an empty desk, and then at Castiel. He had been looking at Dean already, and whipped his head round to look out the window when Dean turned. But his desk was empty, also.

After ten minutes of sitting and staring at all the different wall posters, Dean was just about to give in and pull out his chemistry notes when Mr Spangler rose from his chair, announced he had some photocopies to make, and left.

The second the door clicked shut, Castiel had shot out of his chair and slipped into the one next to Dean, who turned his head to look at him, embarrassed. He wasn't going to be able to ignore him anymore, he realized, but he really wished that he didn't have to see him right now. He just wanted to get things all cleared up with Lisa, then lie down for a few hours. Or days.

"What happened with Mr Gadreel?" Castiel asked, sitting upright in the blue plastic chair. Dean looked down as his desk and drummed his fingers on it.

"Not much. Just wanted me to tell him what happened..." he said. He wanted to say as little as possible, so maybe Castiel would run out of things to say in response and they wouldn't have to talk. Castiel licked his lip and stole a glance at Meg, who appeared to remain asleep. He was shifting a lot in his seat, which is what Dean wanted to do too, but he felt like the lead bricks were back, and he was too uncomfortable to move.

"Why...why did Gavin say that?" Castiel asked, sounding really unsure. Dean jolted, then recomposed himself and sat still again.

"How am I meant to know, Cas? I don't know why pieces of shit like him start things like that. It was stupid, let's just forget about it, 'kay?" he said, well aware of how moody he sounded. But Castiel, the stubborn bitch, was unsatisfied with that response.

"How can I forget it, Dean? He called us..." Dean shot a glare at him, warning him to shut up. Castiel understood, and pursed his lips shut, the unspoken slur floating between them.

"Dean, we need to talk about it. That was an act of violence we--" he was interrupted by Dean scoffing.

"No, Cas, it wasn't an act of violence because it isn't true!" he insisted. He met Castiel's stare again, and this time Castiel was the one to look away.

" _That_  wasn't anything, okay? It was just a fight. The king and queen of Hell got bored and we just happened to be the victims. If we hadn't run into them yesterday it would be us walking home right now talking about the fight between them and some other bozos," he said, trying to force himself to believe it. Castiel remained silent in thought, and so did Dean. The only sound was the gentle ticking of Castiel's watch and the raspy snoring of Meg.

Dean didn't know why this was happening. Was this some sort of fucked up joke the universe was playing with him? It wasn't even the fight that was bothering him that much, it was what the fight was about. He wanted to know just as much as Cas why Gavin and Abi said those things. It could've been anything. It could've been the couple starting a fight just for the hell of it, like he'd said, but he didn't believe that. They had a purpose.

Dean had been in a lot of fights for a lot of reasons, but it was always stupid little things. Like the time he fought that guy who bought him cigarettes because Dean had no money to pay him back. Or the time in junior year that guy wouldn't leave Lisa alone so Dean busted his face. This felt real, to him. This was another level. It wasn't just a disagreement, it was pure hate. An act of violence, as Castiel had put it.

It just wasn't fair to him that Castiel had been dragged into it. Then he remembered how, just a week and a half ago, Dean had been sitting telling himself to leave the boy with the blue eyes alone, because something bad was bound to happen sooner or later. And it happened sooner. Castiel wouldn't be sitting here with a bruised nose and a mark on his perfect record if he hadn't been talking with Dean. He wouldn't have been called a queer or been beaten up or been so drunk he couldn't walk if it wasn't for Dean.

"Cas, I'm sorry," he said suddenly, crossing his arms tighter as he deliberately avoided looking at him once again.

"For what, Dean?" he asked. Dean almost laughed. That was one thing that hadn't seemed to change. He was so oblivious. Or maybe he wasn't, and just wanted Dean to 'fess up.

"For... this. It's my fault you're sitting here,"

"What?! No it isn't Dean, don't think like that,"

"It is true! Shit, Cas, you were like, a giant nerd before we became friends," he said, and this time he was the oblivious one because he didn't notice Castiel's hurt expression at that. "You didn't do anything, and then you got drunk, got beat up, and why? Because you were with me. It's my fault and honestly...ugh. I shouldn't have even started talking to you in the first place,"

Castiel gaped at him for a what felt like a long time, having no clue how to respond. Dean didn't even stop to think how inconsiderate he was being. He was too busy wallowing in his self-pity.

"Fuck you, Dean," he said quietly. Okay, he hadn't been expecting that.

"What?"

"You think all of my actions are constructed around you? How selfish do you have to be to really believe that? I was not a  _nobody_  before you decided to be my friend. What I do, I do it for me. I fought back, I chose to get drunk that night. You were just there," he spat the last part, and Dean almost shriveled in on himself.

"Whatever, Castiel. It doesn't even matter. If you want to go get beat up and drink yourself into a coma that's fucking fine. Do what you want!" he said, throwing his arms in the air as he forced a laugh. He was getting hotter by the second, and he honestly felt like he was suffocating. He didn't want to be in that room anymore. He didn't even want to be in that school. He wanted to run out to his impala, his baby, and drive and drive until he ran out of gas.

"Dean, that isn't what I want! What is wrong with you? God, does what just happened to us have no affect on you at all? Even if you're not gay you have to admit that was still pretty damn scary," Castiel said, his voice growing louder and louder. Dean was surprised Meg was still sound asleep. There was silence. Dean didn't want to talk anymore.

 _What is wrong with you?_  
 _What is wrong with you?_  
 _What_ is  _wrong with me?_

He'd asked himself that question countless times, but had never been asked it by someone else. All the fight had went out of him at that. He didn't want to push anymore.

"Dean, why are you acting like this?"

"Like what," he almost growled, wishing Castiel would just leave him alone forever, because he was worried that's what he was going to have to do to him soon.

"Like you don't care. I don't get it. I know that it's just the way you are, I suppose. But how can you not care  _at all?_ " he asked. Dean groaned and pressed his hands into his face.

"I do care. I don't want you to get hurt _because_  I care," he admitted, literally foaming with self-loathing. He hated appearing so emotional to people, and the fact that it was Castiel... He felt far too exposed. Castiel frowned at him, not knowing what to make of that.

"Dean--"

But Castiel never had the chance to finish what he was going to say, as the fire alarm cut him off, shrill and piercing. Meg awoke from her slumber and almost fell out the chair, cursing as she hurried past the boys to the fire escape. Dean turned back to Castiel, all of a sudden desperate to hear what he was going to say, and that was when Mr Spangler finally reappeared, and urged them out of the room.

***

Since it was after three, of course there hadn't been a lot of people in school. Despite that fact, everyone was still expected to meet up at the evacuation points on the football field. Dean felt that he couldn't deal with that right then, so he managed to sneak away to his beloved impala. As he considered where to go, he realized with a groan that Lisa was expecting him at her place. He didn't have much of a choice.

And that is how he ended up sitting on his ex-girlfriend's bed at half three in the afternoon, feeling like he was about to drop dead at any moment. Lisa came through the door and smiled thinly at him as she held out a glass of water.

"You got any beer?" was his only reaction. Lisa frowned, little creases forming on her forehead.

"You know I don't," she snapped before setting the water down on the nightstand with some force. Dead did know that she didn't. He knew well enough that Mrs Braeden was a recovering alcoholic, so not a drop of liquor would be found anywhere in this household. He just had to ask.

She carefully sat down in the blue glittery beanbag opposite her bed, and Dean felt like they should switch seats. Sitting on her bed didn't feel right anymore.

"So. Um. What happened after I left?" she asked, looking down at her fingers as she twisted them around each other. Dean stared. Was she just electing to ignore the bruises on his face?

"We kissed and made up," he said monotonously. Lisa flinched and glared up at him.

" _Christ_ , Dean, that's it! That's it! You fucking  _know_ how much it pisses me off when you talk like that!" she burst out. Dean sucked in his cheeks and continued staring at her. This felt like a stand off between two cowboys in a spaghetti western film.

"Well it was a dumb-ass question, Lisa! What do you think happened? They hit me, I hit them--"

"You hit a girl?" she asked, her voice going all high and disbelieving as she scrunched her face up.

"Jesus. No, but I pushed her out of the way because she was trying to hit me and Cas," he said, to which Lisa rolled her eyes. "What?" he said. "What is it?"

"It's you," she said bluntly.

"Me?" he asked, pointing to his chest. Well, this day was turning out to be just fan-dabby-dozy. First fucking  _Castiel_ , of all people, asks him what's wrong with him, now fucking Lisa was telling him plainly that he's a problem in her life.

"Ever since you moved here you've been different," she stated.

"Well what do you expect, Lisa? I was fucking fifteen the last time we spoke"

"I know, Dean! But I didn't think you'd be  _this_  different!" she argued.

"What's 'this different'? What's so different about me?" He asked, knowing fine well that that was a question he did not want to know the answer (or answers) to. He was just digging his own grave deeper and deeper.

"Oh, okay. You're distant, you barely look at me, you act all weird and uncomfortable whenever I touch you, you spend more time with that weirdo Castiel--"

"Alright, I get it," he said, practically burning holes into the carpet he was staring so angrily. Lisa was on her feet now, and this time it was her looking down at him.

"Really, Dean. Is it something I did? Is it my fault?" she asked, and he bit his tongue to keep from sighing, but she still noticed him rolling his eyes. "It is, isn't it? Fuck,"

"It's not," he said, tired of playing the blame game. He really didn't give a shit about reassuring her, he just wanted her to hurry up and end things already so he could leave and properly mourn all his failed relationships at home, in his room, by himself.

"Then what is it? We worked the last time. You didn't want to break up when I moved away," she said softly, reliving the past as she sat gently beside Dean. "And I  _know_  we're older now. But I feel like that shouldn't have changed us. It's as if... there's someone... else," she said, trailing off as she watched Dean for any sign that he cared.

A small part of him was catching on, and knew what she was talking about, but he didn't want to think about it here. He definitely did not want to discuss it. Not with anyone, but least of all with his ex-girlfriend.

"I don't know, Lisa," he said tiredly.

"I think I know," she said softly, carefully. Dean shifted away from her, not wanting her to say more, but not being able to find the willpower to tell her to be quiet.

"It's Castiel," she said. Dean was expecting that, but he flinched at the words all the same. Lisa's eyes widened, that reaction obviously confirming all she needed to know.

"It  _is_!  _Oh my God_! You  _are_  queer!" she practically shrieked, jumping up off the bed and pointing an accusing finger at her ex-boyfriend. Dean flinched again and rose to his feet. 

"Don't fucking say that!" he growled "You don't know anything, Lisa, alright?"

"It is. Shit, Gavin and Abi were telling the truth..."

"No they weren't! You need to shut the fuck up,"

" _Don't talk to me like that!_ " she screeched. "You're fucking gay, why didn't you just tell me!"

"Stop it!" Dean yelled, falling back down to the bed again as he held his hands over his ears. This was too much, just way too overwhelming, and he felt a sharp lump in his throat that he didn't want to be there.

"This is too much. I need to go" he said, finding his feet again and making his way for the door.

"We're over, Dean." Lisa said coldly, not trying to stop him. Dean paused and looked over his shoulder at her, hand on the doorknob.

"We were never even a real couple," he said.

And then he left, for good.

***

Dean ran all the way to his car, and he didn't sit around - just sped off straight to his house. It was a fifteen minute drive, and the entire time he sat in silence, gritting his teeth together as he sped down the roads, skipping every red light and ignoring every stop sign. The roads were quiet around here, but even if they were busy he wouldn't have behaved any differently. He'd lost the will to care.

And at that particular moment, the will to live.

The only point in his journey that he slowed down was when he swerved left into the main street between his and Castiel's houses. He slowed to a complete stop as he contemplated which house to go to. He had to be with Castiel. He felt it in his gut, he had to see him right now. But he was blinking back stinging tears as he thought this, and was sure that he'd just make this day even worse if he saw Castiel's face right then.

But he needed to. He really needed to see him. He couldn't explain it exactly, he just needed to see him, to apologize. And just be in his presence. Because Castiel was an angel, the complete opposite from Dean, and he was sure he could comfort him.

But he couldn't.

But he wanted to!

He was torn, and then his phone buzzed. He desperately fumbled around in his pockets, turning them inside out and patting himself all over. He couldn't find it. His eyes were stinging again, and he let out a sob when a single tear rolled down his cheek. It buzzed again, and this time he seen the screen light up. It was on the floor of his car, just next to the accelerator. He scooped it up and read the screen with wide eyes.

But it wasn't the boy with the blue eyes. It was the girl with the blonde hair. He steered his baby to the side of the road and unlocked his phone.

**Jo: hey so how was detention?**   
**Jo: lol**

**Dean: the fire alarm went off like half an hr in**

**Jo: did it rly ? ;)**

**Dean: are u trying to flirt with me**

**Jo: ofc not! gross ur like my cousin**   
**Jo: ew rly dean**

**Dean: then whats w the ;)**   
**Dean: ur being weird nd im not in the mood!!!!**

**Jo: fuck**   
**Jo: sorry**   
**Jo: i pulled the fire alarm to get u out**

**Dean: wat? dude wtf**

**Jo: well...........arent u going to thank me? :D**

**Dean: thanks then but it took u ages jo damn**

**Jo: dont rush a perfectionist, bicth**   
**Jo: *bitch oops**

**Dean: y? why were u even still at school**

**Jo: ugh dont make me remind u**

**Dean:???????**

**Jo: fucking piano practice!!!! my moms making me do it remember?**

**Dean: haha yeah. gd times**

**Jo: theres nothing fucking "gd" abt it mr winchester**   
**Jo: so wuu2?**

**Dean: wuu2??? is this 2010???**

**Jo: abbreviations, bitch**

**Dean: im u2 nothing**

**Jo: hahahahaha so smart. want to do somehign?**   
**Jo: ugh typos**   
**Jo: ash is here**   
**Jo: dean??? dont tell me youve been texting adn driving again**   
**Jo: DEAN! if u dont want to talk just say dude i get it im not a child**

**Dean: im here**

**Jo: dont sscare me like that omfg**

**Dean: sorry. got distracted. i dont feel like it 2nite sorry**

**Jo: its cool. another time my dude**

**Dean: yeah another time**

**Jo: l8ers**

And then Dean locked his phone. Jo was half right. He had been driving, but he now knew better than to text as he did so. He switched the car engine off and looked out the window, up at his house. It was still bright out but the living room light was on anyway.

Still not wanting to leave the comfort of his darling impala, Dean let out a sigh and sank back into the seat. A glance at the clock told him that it was 4:16. Castiel would be home by now. Dean felt a sinking feeling within his chest again, but then his phone buzzed, once again. It couldn't be Jo, she knew when to leave him alone.

The sinking feeling only deepened when he read the name.

**Cas: Where are you?**

Dean opened the message immediately and began frantically typing an answer.

**Dean: my house. i left after the alarm and came here. im really sorry for everything i said 2 u**   
**Dean: things arent good right now and i just took it out on you**   
**Dean: i didnt mean it idk why i said it**

**Cas: It's fine. Please don't be worried about it because I'm not upset with you. I didn't mean what I said either. It's just what happened with Gavin and Abi. I've never been in a fight before but you probably knew that already. You know, since I was a nerd and all.**

**Dean: Cas im so sorry!! really!! i didnt mean it and i didnt know what i was saying i was jst mad 2**

**Cas: I'm kidding. I know I was a nerd. Although I don't like that word. There's people worse than me Dean. You won't BELIEVE the nerds I've encountered. Gross pimply ones that have bad hygiene and play league of legends. Terrible**

**Dean: lmao. yeah ok u were a good nerd. so we good? sorry again :(**

**Cas: We're good! And I'm sorry again, too. I know you didn't mean what you said, and I hope you know I didn't mean what I said. It's fine. We're good.**

**Dean: phew. lol. ok so now that were good guess whAt**

**Cas: whAt?**

**Dean: the fire alarm was pulled by some1, and the culrpit just confessed to me**

**Cas: Who was it?**

**Dean: guess**

**Cas: No just tell me**

**Dean: guess!!!**

**Cas: Please don't be one of those people.**

**Dean: :3**

**Cas: What is that face...**

**Dean: its a joke i was using it ironically**   
**Dean: im not like that i swear**   
**Dean: dont tell anyone i used that face**

**Cas: Your secret's safe with me lol. Was it mr Spangler**

**Dean: wtf no**

**Cas: Idk he left to "do some photocopies". Could've been an alibi.**

**Dean: but it wasnt. it was jo she just told me via text**

**Cas: Why?**

**Dean: she was in the school bc she had piano lessons can u believe tht**

**Cas: No i cannot. She doesn't seem like the piano type**

**Dean: yea ik its great. tell everyone**   
**Dean: r u in yr house?**

**Cas: Nope. We got held behind for more detention to make up for the time we missed when we were outside.**

**Dean: wtf!!! that totally defeats the purpose of jo pulling the alarm**

**Cas: Yes thats what I told him but he didn't listen**

**Dean: haha ur a tru comedian cas. u still at school then?**

**Cas: Yes just at the gate.**

**Dean: want me to pick u up then we can go to mmine?**

**Cas: Yes sounds fun :)**

**Dean: gr8 u can select a movie from my amazing collection. i have cheetos cola and redvines**

**Cas: Awesome, can't wait :3**

**Dean: hOH MY god**

**Cas: :3 :3 :3**

**Dean: im taking u 2 court. be there in a min**

Dean locked the phone with a smile on his lips, then drove off (at a more appropriate speed this time) to collect Castiel from school.

When he pulled up at the school five minutes later, Castiel looked up from his phone and beamed a smile at his friend, to which Dean grinned back at. But seeing Castiel hadn't cheered him up, as he thought it would have. It just made those feelings of unease resurface.

Without thinking, Dean lurched across the impala's front seat to click open the passenger door. Then he remembered how he used to do that for Lisa. But Castiel slid into the seat, and then Dean was accelerating back to his place.

"What kind of movies do you have?" Castiel asked after a quick greeting. Dean drummed his fingers on the wheel at ten and two, his mind bustling with many different thoughts.

"You'll see," he eventually said, not finding the energy in him to elaborate. All of a sudden, he regretted his choice to invite Castiel to his place. He was a lot more tired than he was ten minutes ago, if that was possible.

"Come on," Castiel said, "what kind of movies do you like?"

"Good ones" Dean said. Castiel snorted, probably assuming Dean was just trying to be funny.

Neither of them said any more, and the remaining few minutes passed in uncomfortable silence; Castiel glancing over at Dean every few seconds, who kept his eyes fixed on the road.

And still, neither of them said anything until Dean was in the process of unlocking the front door.

"It'll be nice to see inside your house while I'm not hungover," Castiel said awkwardly. Dean huffed out some air in a laugh before pushing the door open.

"Sammy?" was always the first word out of his mouth upon entering the house. Footsteps, then the door in the hallway behind the TV opened to reveal Sam.

"Hey," he smiled, looking right at Castiel, who returned the greeting.

"Dean you didn't say anyone was coming over," Sam said, throwing him a subtle little bitch face that would go unnoticed by their guest. When Dean said nothing, Sam started shuffling around to gather up mess.

"No, you don't have to. I don't mind," Castiel insisted. He'd removed that funny trench coat of his, but his feet were rooted in place and he clutched said coat in his hands. Sam paused.

"I... It just doesn't... It sets a bad impression," he said, confused that anybody could forgive such awful hosting manners.

"It doesn't," Castiel said warmly, "my house is messy a lot too,"

But Dean disagreed with that. Last time  _he_  checked, the Novak place looked liked it was awaiting a photographer to snap some shots for an Ikea catalogue.

"Sam, chill. Cas, sit," Dean said as he dumped his coat and made for the fridge. All he wanted was to get this movie on so there was no need for nervous small talk. He just wanted to stare at a screen and think.

In the background, he could hear Sam making chit-chat with Castiel, and then the scraping of the DVD box as he pulled it out from beside the television. When Dean reached into his fridge, his hand hovered over a beer can in the door shelf. But then he stopped, and remembered that Castiel was here, and he was already making things awkward with the way he was acting - he didn't need any beer to contribute to that. He also didn't need another drunk Cas, for that matter.

When he joined his brother and - friend at the coffee table, he dumped the cola can and cheetos on the couch before crouching down to see the DVDs. One caught his eye immediately. Sam groaned as Dean snatched it up.

"Again, Dean? God, what's the point in even owning other movies if that's all you watch?" he protested.

"What is it?" Castiel asked as he rose from the floor to sit on the couch instead. He chose the side nearest the TV, which is where Dean always sat: But he could let it slide this time.

"The Untouchables" Dean replied as he popped the disc into the TV.

"I'm out," Sam said, and retreated to his room again.

"Bye Sam, nice seeing you again," Castiel said. Dean knew he was just trying to be nice, but the words just sounded sarcastic, and it was the first thing to make him laugh all night.

"Are you okay?" Castiel asked, as the laugh sounded more like a weird little choke.

"Yeah, Cas," he replied, before jumping up to flop down in the couch. Castiel was looking at him as he opened a packet of cheetos. 

"Sorry about the lack of red vines, Sammy must'a ate them," Dean apologised as he clicked play on the remote.

"S'fine. Don't like them much anyway,"

"Cool," was all Dean could think to say.

As the movie played, Dean leaned back, almost burrowing into the sofa to find comfort. He felt too cold and uneasy, but was trying to focus completely on the movie and ignore how close he was to Castiel.

He couldn't stop thinking about what happened at Lisa's. He wasn't sad about it, not even close, it just took a lot out of him. If it had happened any other day he would have driven off into the sunset and never looked back. One thing she said, in particular, was playing on a loop in his head.

_It's as if there's someone else.  
Someone else._

He glanced over at Castiel, but his thoughts took a completely different turn when he seen that the boy's eyes were shut. He huffed a laugh at him. Dean knew that not everyone was a fan of gangster films, but they weren't even half an hour in! Weak.

Dean shook his head and grinned, focusing on the movie again. This was a crucial scene. When he woke up he would have no idea what was going on---

Castiel's head touched Dean's shoulder.

Dean froze. 

Castiel let out the slightest sigh.

Dean's eyes wandered down to the floor with a shy, but definitely pleased smile on his lips.

And now, Dean wasn't having such a bad day anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yooo i decided to update today bc i wrote two chapters yesterday and im excited to publish more! there'll still be an update tomorrow too. id appreciate if u told me what u think, bc idk if this was Too Dramatic or something??
> 
> thank u for reading angels!


	7. Daddy's Back, Bitches

_September 1, Tuesday, 12:54pm_

The previous night, after waking up, Dean's face had been so red it was as if he'd been sitting in a sauna for five hours. Castiel was mortified to have subconsciously used Dean as a pillow whilst he slept, but seeing how flustered he was by it was rather amusing. Dean had jumped up and seemed to be struggling to find words, so Castiel walked home. 

And so far today, he hadn't seen Dean at all. He hadn't been able to text him either. They weren't going through, so Castiel assumed his phone had been switched off for some reason. A small part of him thought that maybe Dean was avoiding him, but he brushed that thought away as he dumped some books into his locker.

Since he couldn't find Dean (or Jo, who he was beginning to be quite comfortable around), Castiel had eaten lunch with Becky. She'd stepped in front of him in the line, appearing from thin air, and began chatting away. She went on and on about how she'd barely seen him lately, and all Castiel could do was nod as she jumped from topic to topic, not letting Castiel get more than a few words in. Honestly, he would rather have eaten alone. At least that way he could have read  some of his book.

As he locked his locker, Castiel looked down the corridor to the bench where Dean and Jo usually sat, and was glad to see Jo just sitting down as she texted on her phone. He started towards her, but then for the second time that day a girl stepped in front of him from thin air.

It was Lisa Braeden. 

He debated in his head who was worse: Lisa or Becky, but he was struggling to make a decision. Becky was annoying, but Lisa seemed to hate his guts. Most people who hated his guts never spoke to him.

"Heyyy, Cas!" she said, twirling a lock of her dark hair around her finger as she smiled at him. Today, she seemed a little dressed down. She wore a grey tank top with her brown leather jacket and a pair of skinny jeans. Her hair was pulled back in a pony and her face looked bare, although Castiel wasn't a makeup enthusiast so he couldn't tell for sure.

"Hello...sorry, do you need to get into your locker? " he asked, jumping away from the lockers. He still didn't know who used the half-locker beneath his, and couldn't think of any other reason this girl would want to talk to him. 

"No," she laughed, beaming an incredibly white smile at him. The first thing that came to his mind was that she'd dumped Dean yesterday. Dean never said a word of it to Castiel, of course, but Jo had texted him just before he went to Dean's. Apparently, she had been considering it for about a week - then last night Jo recieved a call from an unusually downbeat Lisa who told Jo the full story.

"You're Lisa, right?" he asked, knowing fine well that she was Lisa. But she wasn't saying anything else, and Castiel felt like he had to break the silence.

"Yes," she said through gritted teeth, but then her face relaxed. "Man, I thought you were gonna just keep staring at me till your face got stuck!"

Castiel laughed uncertainly. He was really struggling for words here. He glanced over to where Jo was, and seen that she was still bent over her phone with Dean nowhere in sight. Castiel really didn't want Dean to see him with his ex. He already felt like he was betraying him just by talking to her.

"So, um. You know Dean?" he asked, regretting the words the moment they were out of his mouth.  _Why the fuck did I think that was a good thing to say?_

Lisa finally looked away.

"Yes. We were together. But not now," she said, her eyes focused on her feet, which had black converse on them. Castiel nodded solemnly, then noticed that Dean was now with Jo. He shuffled to the side, hoping that he wouldn't be spotted standing behind her even though he was more than a foot taller.

But then Lisa flipped her hair and met his eyes again, bright smile returned.

"You were at the roof, right? You should totally come this week. We go every Friday,"

"Does Dean go?" he asked.

"Sometimes. But I want to see you there, Cas," she said, looking him up and down with a glimmer in her dark eyes. Castiel felt fidgety under her scrutiny and wanted nothing more than for her to just disappear. "Maybe see if you have any other party tricks?" she continued.

Castiel felt his face flush red as he realized what was happening. 

"Oh. Um, maybe! Maybe, but I have to go now. I need to pee," he said and tried to stride past, but she halted him by placing a hand on his chest. Now so uncomfortable he was on the edge of screaming, he reeled back. Her hand fell. Yet she kept watching him with a hungry look in her eyes.

"Alright, but here," she handed him a torn piece of paper with some black on it. "Call me, okay? You're fascinating, Castiel Novak," she said, tilting her head back ever so slightly as she ran her tongue across her upper teeth. Castiel forced a smile and a nod before finally making his escape. His footsteps felt heavy and slowed down, and then he seen Dean looking at him from his bench with Jo.

_Fuck._

"Hey, Cas," he said, frowning.

"Hello Dean and Jo," Castiel said as he sat down with a thud. His face was burning and he still clutched his best friend's ex girlfriend's phone number in his hand. Jo snatched it from him.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Why were you talking to Lisa?" Dean asked.

"She just appeared. I don't know what happened but she kept talking and smiling and she gave me her number," he said, wide eyes and sitting rigidly straight. Dean raised his eyebrows at him, looking all the more confused, as Jo just stared at the paper with her mouth open.

"I'm sorry, Dean,"

"What? Why?" he asked, smiling tiredly. Castiel shook his head.

"I know you broke up. I don't--"

"Cas, don't worry about it," he said reassuringly, holding up a hand. "I don't blame you. Lisa's just, like, crazy jealous right now."

"Jealous? Why?" Castiel asked. Dean coughed and shook his head.

"Because she thinks I like you more than her," he said. Jo cleared her throat and handed the number back to him. Castiel stared at it.

"I don't want that," he said. Jo dropped it to the floor. "What does she mean?" he continued, turning to Dean.

"Uh. What?" Dean asked, his face beginning to flush a little red. Something Castiel was noticing in him a lot lately, and he couldn't get why.

"Why does she think you like me more than her?" he asked. Dean coughed again and leaned forwards. Elbows on knees, hands dangling down.

"I don't know. I talked to you more, I guess," he said simply. A few more moments passed where no one spoke. Castiel was suddenly conscious of how uncomfortable he appeared. Well, he felt incredibly uncomfortable anyway, but he didn't want other people to see that. Obviously, something wasn't right with Dean and Lisa. He couldn't fathom why anyone would rather talk to a friend than their significant other. 

But then again, the only two times he'd seen the pair together, they were barely talking. They were drunk and making weird noises, or throwing each other mysterious looks in the corridor like they were in a badly scripted soap opera.

"How did you and Lisa even start dating? You were not good for each other," Castiel said. That seemed to ease the tension, as Dean huffed out a laugh while Jo sniggered.

"Thanks for your words of wisdom, Cas," he said fondly. "Well, uh. When I was fifteen I lived in Kansas - not Lawrence, somewhere else - and we went to the same high school. Freshmen year. Back then we weren't as fucked up as we seem to be these days, so it worked. Until she moved away,"

"Huh," Castiel said. He didn't know how to respond when people were talking about their relationships. The fact that it was his  _crush_  talking about his relationships didn't make it any easier. 

"Yep. She moved here. We stopped talking. Years later I show up out of the blue... To be honest, I'd totally forgotten about her. When Dad said we were staying here it didn't ring any bells or anything. She just ran up to me when I was at the corner store. Fuckin' weird," he said. 

"Why did you start dating again then?" Castiel asked.

"We--"

Castiel's phone dinged loudly. Dean raised an eyebrow.

"Phones should be switched off or on silent during school hours, Mr Novak," he said, imitating the speech teachers here (and probably everywhere) had dished out countless times.

"I'm so sorry," he said sarcastically. He was smiling as he swiped his phone open, but the smile shriveled up and died when he saw the text.

**Gabe**   
**SOS!**

All of Castiel's thoughts seemed to rush in at once. This would almost definitely have something to do with their father. He must be home, or at least almost home.  _How long was this cruise supposed to last? I can't even remember where he was going. Shitshitshit. I don't want this right now. Please let this be a stupid joke. I will cry and hug Gabriel from relief if this is just a prank, or a mistake._

"Cas? You okay?" Dean asked, leaning in towards him just a little bit, eyes shifting between boy and phone. 

"I-uh. I--"

" _Can Gabriel and Castiel Novak make their way to the main office please. Repeat: Gabriel and Castiel Novak to the main office_." said a voice on the intercom. Castiel's heart froze, but his hands were trembling. He rose to his feet, not realizing that Dean and Jo were already up.

"Castiel? What's wrong?" Jo spoke, her voice gentle and sweet. She had her hand just touching Castiel's arm, but he couldn't look at her. He could feel people's eyes on him. He could feel Dean beside him, watching, judging. He could only guess what kind of thoughts were rushing through his mind at that moment.

"Castiel?" Dean said. Loudly. It woke Castiel up. 

"I need to go," he said. He gripped his phone in his hands and sped off, trench coat flailing behind him. He knew Dean and Jo were following, and he knew he'd left his bag behind on the bench. But he could see Gabriel now and that was all he was focused on.

"Gabriel, what is it?" he asked, voice lowered. Gabriel turned to him with sorrowful eyes. Castiel came to a stop, Dean and Jo at his sides. Dean was clutching Castiel's bag in his left hand as he watched him carefully. Jo was shifting from foot to food as she looked everywhere. One of the office ladies approached.

"Why the long faces? It's only a dentist appointment, boys!" she laughed rosily. Gabriel was holding his hands behind his back and chewing his lip. Dad was definitely home. This was a routine of his. 

"Okay, uh. Let's go," Gabriel said reluctantly, taking small steps towards the door, not wanting to leave. Castiel felt a nudge in his side. He turned, and Dean was holding his bag out towards him.

"Thank you," he said quietly. His voice was almost hoarse. Why was it like this? Why did his father have to turn up without notice all the time? Why did it always drag him right down, lower than rock bottom? 

He could tell that Dean and Jo sensed that something bigger than the dentists was at stake here. For that, he was grateful since they wouldn't think he was overreacting. But for that, he was also anxious, as now they would know something was going on. And Castiel didn't want to tell them a thing.

But the secretary hurried the Novak twins out of the office as she had "other matters to attend to". As they walked out of the building and towards the parking lot, Castiel risked a glance back at his friends, and their confused, pitying expressions made him feel like he was being stolen from them.

"What is it?" Castiel asked quietly when they were a bit down the road. He heard the school bell ring distantly behind him. Dean would be off to American History now. Jo would be in Woodwork. 

Gabriel gave him a quick side glance. He continued to chew on his lip - a habit which Castiel had always found off-putting, although he was guilty of it himself under certain circumstances. 

"Dad's home," he said. Castiel laughed inside.

"I know, but this is different," Castiel said.

"What are you talking about,"

"It feels different. I don't know. Maybe I'm imagining it, but I just feel like something's going to happen." he said, eyes down as he kicked a small brown pebble along. It rolled off the curb and onto the road. "Is Anna coming too?"

"I don't know," he said. Castiel considered for a moment, then stopped and grabbed his brother's arm.

"Gabriel. There's something you're not telling me," he said. Something felt off, and Castiel thought he  _might_  know why, but there's no way it could be what he was thinking. No way. He was simply being paranoid.

Gabriel only continued to chew his lip as he watched his brother, trying to read him. The silence was suffocating now. There were no birds, no cars, no people. Only two brothers and the weight of unspoken truths between them.

"I think Dad knows you're gay," Gabriel blurted. Castiel's breath froze in his throat and he stumbled backwards, bumping into the steel fence of someones garden.

"What?" he said, his voice jarringly loud. But he didn't hear it. He wasn't focusing, everything was swirling around in his head like fog.

"I'm so sorry, Cas. I don't know how it happened but he phoned me and was just being really weird. He kept talking about... I'm sorry," he said. Castiel believed him, and not an ounce of him blamed Gabriel for this. He was simply the messenger, though that was still a tough job.

"Tell me," he said stubbornly. "I need to know how this...can be,"

"He was talking about how much he missed me and Anna..." he drifted away, gulping noticeably and diverting his eyes. "...but he didn't mention you. When I talked about you he just... ignored..."

"Okay," Castiel said. Gabriel took this as a cue to stop talking, and Castiel just stared at the road.

He wasn't surprised. Of course it was a shock when Gabriel said that because he didn't think his father would ever find out on his own. It was his reaction that he expected. Their father was always distant, but news like this would just put Castiel and Jimmy Novak on polar opposites.  _Well, he's never home anyway. It won't change much, will it?_

Castiel continued walking.

*

Dinner that night was, to say the least, quite tense.

When the boys arrived home, their father welcomed Gabriel with a happy smile and open arms. Gabriel didn't even look at Castiel as he let himself be hugged, and awkwardly patted his dad's back before they pulled apart. Jimmy proceeded to lead Gabriel away into the living room, hand on shoulder, as they discussed everything from the weather to a pregnant lady who almost gave birth on his ship.

When Gabriel said ignore, he really meant it. 100%. Castiel had expected at least a look from his dad, even if it was a disappointed one. But he might as well have not been in the room at all. He stood in the hall, left alone, and sighed deeply before trudging up to his room.

Hours passed, then Anna arrived home. Castiel listened to the laughs and the welcomes, then it went quiet and his sister appeared at his door.

"Hey Castiel," she said, smiling sweetly - although all Castiel saw was pity. She lingered, drumming her fingers against the door frame. "I brought in Chinese. We're eating downstairs," 

"We? Does that include me?" Castiel asked, walking past her anyway. 

He walked into the kitchen, as these days the three of them usually ate at the counter so they could watch the miniature TV beside the fridge. Then he remembered that when his father was home, he made them eat in the dining room. In silence. 

He trudged in and slumped over in the empty chair across from Gabriel, diagonal to Jimmy. Anna sat delicately down beside him and handed him a box of egg-fried noodles with a variety of toppings. 

"So, Anna darling, how's college? I never got a chance to ask you," Jimmy asked, before taking a forkful of chicken curry. Anna sipped at her cola, stretching out the empty quietness, before answering.

"It's good! All my friends stay on campus, though. I usually stay over with them on Fridays," 

"I didn't know that was allowed?" Jimmy asked. Castiel looked up at him, and felt disgusted. He was frowning slightly at Anna, and he had a blob of yellow sauce on the corner of his lip. Anger was beginning to rise inside of him, and he forced himself to focus on his noodles again before he burst a blood vessel or something. He was still agonizingly aware of his presence though.

"I...never thought of that. I mean, we're adults. So it's probably okay," she said. 

They continued eating. Castiel watched four minutes tick by on the clock above the archway to the kitchen.

"What about you son," Jimmy said unexpectedly. Castiel's heart leaped out of his chest, but then he realized that it was Gabriel being addressed. The other son. "Everything going well at school?"

"Swell," Gabriel replied, and Castiel was relieved to see a hint of his wit showing on his face.

"Got any girlfriend's on the go?" he asked, innocently cutting a piece of chicken as Castiel stared daggers at him, focusing on taking deep breaths. Gabriel coughed on a noodle and Anna shifted her seat, sending a scraping noise right through the room.

"No," Gabriel said. Castiel had no clue if that statement was true or not. It was likely that the straight brother did have girls on the go, but not committed  _girlfriends_. 

"Hm," was Jimmy's response. Another two minutes passed before Castiel gave up on trying to sit there civilly. If he had to spend another minute with his dad he would end up hitting him, so he rose from his chair.

"I've had enough to eat," he said, but before he could leave, the impossible happened. For the first time in the five hours he'd been home, Jimmy Novak looked at Castiel.

"Sit down," he said it in the same tone he'd spoken to Gabriel and Anna in, but to Castiel it sounded like a terrifying command, and he thumped back down into his seat. All three siblings were still, eyes stuck on their father who continued to chew his meal as he watched Castiel. 

Castiel wasn't breathing.

"I met an old friend today," Jimmy said calmly. He popped another piece of chicken into his mouth, but his menacing eyes were still locked with Castiel's frightened ones.

"Reverend Sorenson, his name was. Remember him, kids?" he asked. When no one answered, he turned to them both. They stuttered that yes, they did remember him. Castiel remembered too, but remained silent. It had been two years since they'd left his church, but the man did pop up in Castiel's memory from time to time.

"Well, it turns out he moved to a new church a couple of weeks ago. Not far from here." he continued slowly, dangerously. He wasn't looking at Castiel anymore. "It was a nice surprise, seeing him again. We had a good catch up, and eventually I asked him how Christopher was," 

Castiel's breath hitched in his throat again, and his eyes widened as he felt sweat begin to form on his temples. Christopher occupied his thoughts more often than Reverend Sorenson. 

"He said Christopher was fine, and that he has a girlfriend now. Reverend Sorenson followed that by apologizing to me for  _my_  son," he said as calmly as if he was discussing the weather.

His plate was empty now save for some curry sauce, and he crossed his cutlery on the plate before folding his hands in his lap and looking to Castiel again. His face was blank, but his eyes looked lost. 

"I asked him what he meant, and he looked quite shocked, Castiel," 

Hearing his father speak his name with such coldness made him flinch.

"He then recounted a story that I had never heard before. A story regarding you and his son Christopher." he said. And that was just too much for Castiel. Castiel pushed himself to his feet and stormed off, meaning to go to his room, but once again his father stopped him.

"Come back here right now or you will be very sorry, Castiel" Jimmy said, causing his son to halt. What made it extra chilling was that he never raised his voice. Not once. He always spoke so calm and collected, but Castiel always treaded lightly because when Jimmy was like this, no one knew what would pull the pin on the grenade.

He retreated to the dining room, but didn't sit down. His siblings were watching him, their eyebrows almost knitted together in sorrow and pity. Castiel took a deep breath.

"Anna, Gabriel, please excuse us. Castiel and I have something to discuss,"

"Dad--"

"NOW, ANNA!" he yelled. All three of them leaped, and Anna knocked her knee off the table as he scrambled to get up and out of the room, Gabriel following

Castiel was alone with his father now. 

"Take a seat, Castiel," Jimmy said, his face pale and still. His son sat. "Care to tell me what happened?"

"What do you mean,"

"You're a homosexual, aren't you," he said flatly. Castiel huffed at his inability to just say gay. He had to be technical about it. 

"Yes, I'm gay," he said. He sat hunched over, staring into his box of noodles.

"Tell me how that happened," Jimmy said. Castiel gritted his teeth. So much of his energy was going into not looking at him, because this was already overwhelming enough. He couldn't bear to look at him right then.

"It didn't  _happen_ ," he almost hissed. "It just  _is_ ,"

"Why did the reverend of our old church know before I did?"

"Because I didn't want to tell anyone! I didn't even tell him he just--"

"He just what," Jimmy said quietly, leaning forwards. "Did he catch you doing something?" Castiel's face turned even redder - he felt so humiliated.

"No! I don't want to talk about this,"

"That's too bad. I didn't want to hear that my son was gay, but it happened. And I want answers,"

"There's no answers, Dad!" Castiel said, tears beginning to prick his eyes. He mashed his fists into his face to hide from his dad. "It's just how I am. I didn't _ask to be like this_!"

"Why did Reverend Sor-"

"Because I liked Christopher! Okay? I liked Christopher and obviously it was fucking stupid--"

"Watch your language!"

"--of me to like him because he was the Goddamn  _minister's son_. Of  _course_  he was going to be fucking horrified when I told him! I should have just left him alone," he said, the anger beginning to deflate as he remembered everything that happened that day. He was only fifteen. 

The silence stretched out between them, the only sound being Castiel's ragged breaths, and then a creak of the ceiling above them. Castiel was certain that his siblings were upstairs listening.

"Do you have a boyfriend," Jimmy said, his voice still so emotionless and threatening. Castiel rolled his eyes and turned away.

"Why are you interviewing me like this! No, no I don't have a boyfriend. I'm all alone," he said impatiently. He turned back to face his father, who was studying him closely. Castiel squinted back at him. Finally he relaxed and leaned back in his chair.

"Go--"

But Castiel was already halfway up the stairs before he could say "to your room."


	8. Texts and No Phonecalls

Dean was playing Mario Kart Wii with Sam when Castiel finally replied to his text. Okay, texts. He may have gotten a bit carried away. When his phone dinged he dived across the sofa for it, letting Bowser drift to the side of the road and fall into the ocean. Dean ignored Sam's protest when he saw Castiel's name, and he went and locked himself in his room alone. He unlocked the phone. 

**Dean: hey cas what was all that about?**  
**Dean: sorry if that sounded rude but like. are u ok?**  
**Dean: ok its been hours dentists appointments dont take that long whats happening**  
**Dean: if u dont text me tomorrow im going to fight u**  
**Dean: ok cas honestly u werent at school today? please answer so i know ur not dead**  
**Dean: cas**

**Cas: Hello Dean.**

"Dean! What are you doing!" Sam called, thumping his fist on his brother's bedroom door. Dean threw a pillow at it.

"Not now! I'm busy," he grumbled. He could feel Sam's bitch face radiating through the door.

"Alright, weirdo. That means I won, though," he said.

"Whatever," Dean mumbled as he began typing.

**Dean: hi cas. want to tell me where you disappeared to for 24 hrs?**

**Cas: Yes. Im really sorry for ignoring you. My dad came home yesterday and I had to deal with that. It's stressful.**

**Dean: oh. dude im sorry u dont need to explain i have some experience in the stressful dad department lmao**  
**Dean: are you okay tho?**

**Cas: I suppose so. Just tried**  
**Cas: *tired**  
**Cas: Can I talk to you?**

Dean blinked at the message. Now he was lying back on his bed as he texted, and it took a moment to realize that his friend was asking for permission to vent.

**Dean: dude of course u can**  
**Dean: do u want me to phone you?**

**Cas: No. My dads here and i dont want him snooping**

**Dean: ok. we could go out**

**Cas: Thank you Dean but I'm tired. I'll just stay here**

**Dean: okie dokie :) so what hapeped?**  
**Dean: happened lmao**

**Cas: My father is an engineer on a cruise ship, which is why he's not home most of the time. He came home yesterday and I completely forgot when he was supposed to come home. He always pulls us out of school to see him.**

**Dean: how was he when u got home**

**Cas: He was completely ignoring me but not Gabriel or Anna**  
**Cas: They're my siblings**

**Dean: i remember them**  
**Dean: why**

**Cas: What?**

**Dean: why was he ignoring you?**

After waiting moments for a response, Dean tossed the phone aside and sat up. There. He'd went and said something too intrusive and creeped Castiel out. He should've just left Castiel to talk and not ask questions, dammit.

Not wanting to leave his room with the small hope that Castiel could still reply, Dean pulled a box of candy out from under his bed. He stashed a box like this under every new bed he moved into. It was a habit he'd developed as a kid, since John would often leave the boys by themselves for days. Sam had taken to camping out in the same room as Dean, and Dean had taken to setting up a snack box to make things a little more fun. He didn't see Sammy moving into his bedroom any time soon, but old habits died hard.

As Dean was opening a packet of Cheetos, the phone dinged again. He spilled the Cheetos as he picked it up.

**Cas: Dean how would you react if one of your friends came out to you?**

Woah. That was a sudden change in topic. Dean flushed red and shook his thumb over the screen. It wasn't the question he was thinking about, it was the motive behind the question. Did Castiel suspect something?  _What did Lisa say to him?_

**Dean: it wouldnt bother me. id still be friends with them.**

He was considering asking why - unsure if Castiel wanted to be questioned - when Castiel responded.

**Cas: I'm gay.**

Dean's heart stopped.  _What the fuck. Is this actually happening._  He smiled down at his phone, really thankful Castiel wasn't there to see how flustered he was.

So Castiel was gay. He'd suspected it - but he honestly couldn't tell if he was actually getting vibes from him or if it was just because he wanted him to be. But he was! He'd heard it from a reliable source: Cas is gay.

Dean kept on smiling, butterflies fluttering in his stomach as he thought about what this meant. What were the chances that the first boy he ever had a crush on also liked boys? He'd told himself so many times that Castiel would have been straight. Because -

**Cas: Dean? Are you there?**

_Oh Fuck, he's probably stressing out right now._

**Dean: hey man im here. sorry sammy was talking to me about something. dude its cool that youre gay. it doesnt matter who you like right? that doesnt change how i feel about you**

He typed it out and sent it quickly, wanting to sound sincere but not wanting to slip up and say something he wasn't ready for. Now wasn't the time. Now was Castiel's time, and Dean didn't want him to worry.

Although all this gay stuff was quite new to him, so there was still the chance that he could handle it wrongly.

**Cas: How do you feel about me?**

And he may as well have put a winky face after it, as it sent Dean into panic mode. He shouldn't have said that part. Of course Cas would ask him about it, and of course Dean wouldn't want to explain it.

**Dean: i like u ur my friend. im not  gonna get up and leave just because youre gay**

_Nice save. Hopefully that convinces him._  What he said was the truth, but it wasn't the whole truth and he hoped Castiel didn't realise that.

**Cas: Oh ok.**  
**Cas: I would have told you in person I just decided I should tell yoh now lol**  
**Cas: *you**

**Dean: Cas dude u dont need to correct ur typos i can still understand u**  
**Dean: and im glad u told me. dont feel bad that it wasnt in person**

**Cas: Thank u Dean**

**Dean: dos anyone else know??**

**Cas: Anna and Gabriel do. And my father found out today**

Dean's chest ached when he put 2+2 together.

**Dean: is that why him coming home was stressful?**

**Cas: Yes. I wasn't planning on telling him because he took his religion so seriously, but he found out and didn't take the news well.**

**Dean: cas im so sorry :(**  
**Dean: how did he find out?**

**Cas: Um. Well this will just leave you with more questions but the minister of my old church found out and today he told my dad. He found out about two years ago though so I don't think he was planning on telling him. But my dad met him today and was confused when he apologised for my apparent lifestyle choice.**

**Dean: what the fuck thts horrible?? what a bitch good thing you left that church**

**Cas: I didn't leave they kicked me out**

_Fuuuuck._

**Dean: fuck**

**Cas: Fuck indeed, Dean. But here's something funny**  
**Cas: I had a crush on his son**

**Dean: oh shit. thats ironic. shouldve banged him. woulda taught the asshat a lesson**

**Cas: When I told Christopher (the minister's son) about my feelings he turned against me and told lots of people, including his father**

_Well I'm just saying all the wrong things here._

**Dean: im sorry again. this all sounds so dramatic tho are you sure ur life isnt a plotline for a soap opera**

**Cas: I'm not sure. Maybe you could pitch this idea to the writers of Dr Sexy**

**Dean: *Dr Sexy M.D. cas**  
**Dean: but yeah i totally should**

**Cas: I get 80% of the money made from it though**

**Dean: fair enough haha**

A few moments passed where Dean didn't know what to say. Castiel had an idea, as given away when the little typing bubble popped up, but then it disappeared and the pressure was on Dean.

**Dean: how are anna and gabriel tho. how did they find out**

**Castiel: Christopher told everyone but my family, they must have heard it sooner or later. They asked me if it was true and when I said yes they were very supportive**

**Dean: thats really great that you have them. at least then its like three against one yknow? it would suck to have to deal w ur dad alone**

**Cas: Yes I agree**  
**Cas: I guess the one good thing about my dad being away a lot is that by the time his cruise ended the whole thing had died down**

**Dean: yeah i guess thats one good thing. how did no one atchurch tell him tho??**

**Castiel: He wasnt as religious as he used to be. Didn't go to church and when Anna asked if we could stop going, he didn't really care and let us**

**Dean: insane**

**Cas: I know lol**  
**Cas: I should get going now. I have homework to do.**

**Dean: alright. see you later Cas**

**Cas: Goodbye Dean**

Dean watched the screen for a few moments, wishing that conversation hadn't come to an end so soon. But when he looked at the time he realized they'd been chatting for almost an hour, which was surprising. After not seeing him all day, Dean noticed how much he really enjoyed being around him. Even if he wasn't the most talkative of his friends, it was still weird him not being there. 

And now that he'd learned a little about what he'd been through, he wanted to be near him even more. He just wanted him to be okay. And then Dean remembered Lisa. She'd been flirting blatantly with him (now Dean understood why that made Cas so uncomfortable) and Dean had no doubt that Castiel would just put up with it instead of telling her to get lost. Dean still seen him with Becky from time to time, and although Castiel had never admitted so, it was obvious he didn't like her.

Lisa's number was now deleted from his phone (hallelujah) so he went onto his Facebook app. The only reason he had this was to send his friends pictures, as it was too expensive to do so by just texting. 

**Dean Winchester: lisa**

**Lisa Braeden: what do you want**

**Dean Winchester: to know why you were talking to Cas yesterday**

**Lisa Braeden: jealous dean? ;)**

**Dean Winchester: lmao no im pissed**

**Lisa Braeden: thats what jealous is, moron**  
**Lisa Braeden: im allowed to talk to people**

**Dean Winchester: thats tru, but you cant talk to cas**

**Lisa Braeden: ????????**  
**Lisa Braeden: you cant tell me what to do. we're not together anymore and i dont like you anymore dean**

**Dean Winchester: good for you. cas is too polite to say so but he doesnt want anything to do with you ok? so back off**

**Lisa Braeden: do you even realize how fucking dumb youre sounding right now**  
**Lisa Braeden: really dean. this is pathetic. cas is a big boy he can tell me himself if he dont like me**

**Dean Winchester: lisa seriously you dont know shit about him. he doesnt need you messing with his head right now and i KNOW the only reason ur interested in him is because you think its a way to get back at me**

**Lisa Braeden: ffs**  
**Lisa Braeden: im not trying to get back at you dean. why dont** **u get that? i dont care about you anymore and im trying to move on. i think castiels cute. which is why i gave him my number**

**Dean Winchester: tht number is lying crumpled up in the garbage. he doesnt want it**

**Lisa Braeden: dean? fuck off. im too busy for this shit**

And then Lisa signed out. Dean sighed and ran his hand down his face. She always had to be so difficult. From what Dean could tell, Castiel needed space right now. If Lisa wasn't going to listen to Dean, then someone else had to do this. 

" _Hey Dean! T'sup_ ," Jo answered on the fourth tone.

"Cas got back to me,"

" _Is he okay?_ " she said, growing serious.

"Eh. Like, half and half from the sounds of it. I think Lisa will make it worse though,"

" _What do you mean?_ " 

"When she was flirting with him it stressed him out," he said as he paced circles around his room. "Just because, you know, she's my ex."

" _Uh huh_ ,"

"I want to help him out so I told Lisa to back off, but she wont listen to me," he said.

" _Hmm. Might be because she hates your guts,_ " Jo said.

"Might be."

" _Want me to talk to her?_ " she suggested. Dean grinned in triumph. Didn't even need to ask.

"Yeah, that would be great. If she doesn't listen to you then Cas will have to tell her, but I don't think she has it in him,"

" _Yeah. I'll phone her later, 'cause it'd look weird if I talked to her about it right after you,_ " Jo said.

"Great. Hadn't even thought of that. And Jo?"

" _Yeah_ ,"

"Do you think it's okay to do this? I feel kind of like I'm...like..."

" _Meddling?_ "

"Yeah," Dean laughed. He was beginning to wonder what would happen if Castiel found out and it wasn't what he wanted. Jo hummed.

" _I think it's fine. Saves him having to deal with it_ ," she said. Dean nodded, thankful for that annswer.

"Okay Jo, thanks,"

" _No problem_ ," she said, then hung up.

Dean fell back on his bed and sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys sorry i didn't update in so long - some family stuff has happened and i couldn't write. i've not proofread this and i'm not sure when my next update will be. i hope this chapters okay :-)


	9. The Old and the New

_2 years ago, mid December_

_"Hurry up Casteel!" Benjamin yelled through the locker room door. Castiel was hunched over a bench lacing up his soccer boots. He threw a dirty glare at Benjamin._

_"Stop calling me that,_ Benjy _," he said, scowling. Benjamin laughed at him and began drumming a tune against the door impatiently. He was holding  it wide open, and Castiel caught glimpses of passerby's looking down at Benjamin. Figuratively and literally._

_Finally, Castiel's boots were laced and tied and he was ready to go. He followed Benjamin out to the pitches in a jog, where his team mates were all waiting. The only ones he really spoke to where Benjamin, Hannah, and Christopher. He knew them from church, and it was Hannah's mother that had suggested she ask some fellow church goers to join when three members, all siblings, left. Castiel was unsure why she'd asked him - they never spoke._

_He would have declined too, if she hadn't mentioned that Christopher was going._

_It had been four months, but this was their first real game. Hours every week had been spent practicing in sun and rain alike, but this time was different. Hannah's mother, coach Julia, had told them not to worry, that this game was the same as any other they'd played. But it wasn't. This game was 7-a-side as opposed to their usual 5-a-side. This game was against people they'd never met before. This game was in front of a crowd of friends and parents with high expectations._

_The only person here for Castiel was Anna. And she couldn't even stay for the full game because she had a job interview in an hour. He couldn't even see her on the bleachers - there were too many people._

_The game was at Hannah and Benjamin's high school, as it was one of the only two in the county with a soccer field. Castiel wondered what school Christopher went to, but he was afraid to ask._

_Throughout the game, Castiel still had next to no clue what the hell he was doing. He really really hated this sport - but it was literally the only thing he had going on besides school and church, and it was a chance to feel normal. To feel like a normal teenager with normal hobbies and normal friends._

_When he was at church or school, he couldn't feel like this._

_So he figured he'd stay. No matter how bad he thought he was at the sport, he'd stay until he was kicked out._

_They ended up winning the game, thanks to Christopher who scored 4 out of 6 goals. Hannah scored one, and some boy he never spoke to scored one. After some cheering and hollering and being issued soccer medals, coach Julia took them all out for pizza at some new, independent restaurant._

_Everyone was talking and joking and eating so much they didn't want to move. At one point, Castiel felt so stuffed that he had to go outside for a breath of fresh air._

_"Hey, I'll join you," Christopher, who had been sitting opposite him, said. Castiel smiled and thanked God that his face was already red from the heat, so his crush wouldn't see him blush._

_All throughout dinner, Castiel had caught Christopher looking at him more than once. Ever since they'd joined the team, Castiel felt like there was something there. Some sort of connection between the two. He didn't consider for a second that he could be just imagining it. Christopher was always talking to Castiel and laughing at his jokes - even at the really lame ones that Gabriel had taught him._

_The two of them sat together on a brick wall out the back of the restaurant, overlooking the parking lot. A stranger was outside smoking, but he retreated indoors when they sat._

_There was slush on the ground, and the cold suddenly pricked Castiel's skin where his soccer strip didn't cover him. He noticed Christopher rubbing his arms._

_"I forgot that it's December," Castiel said. Christopher laughed at him, triggering butterflies deep in Castiel's stomach. He took a deep breath. He'd been thinking about this for weeks. The thought terrified him every time, but excited him as well. There would never be a better opportunity than this._

_"Chris,"_

_"Mm-hmm," he asked, turning to face him. He had to do it now. No going back._

_"Do you maybe want to go out sometime?" Castiel said. Once he'd said it, he realized how out of the blue it was. He wasn't cold anymore, and when Christopher's face contorted he wished that he was buried in a snow drift._

_"Are you asking me on a date?" he asked, completely horrified. Castiel shook his head and scooted back_ _along the wall, wanting to be away but too afraid to leave._

_"I-I-uh-I m-"_

_"You freak! What the fuck?" he said, standing up and backing away. Castiel felt daggers pierce his heart, very cold in contrast to the rest of his body which was heating up with fear. He'd messed up. He'd messed up real bad._

_"Chr-"_

_"No, don't talk to me. Don't talk to me ever again. I don't even want to be near you! Eugh!" Christopher said. With that, he turned and began marching away towards the restaurant door, his arms crossed tightly._

_Castiel was suddenly cold again, and was shaking half because of the temperature, and half because of the panic bubbling up inside of him. A lump was crawling up his throat, and he yelped when he heard the door slam shut._

_And then he was completely, utterly, alone._

****

_September 4, Friday, 10:16pm_

Castiel jolted awake when Gabriel slammed the door. He hadn't been sleeping exactly, but he'd been remembering a very detailed memory as he sat at their desk, gazing out the window. He was watching the trees rustling in the sweet fall breeze when his mind wandered to memories of Christopher.

He'd just been reliving his last one. 

"Cas, I didn't know you were here," Gabriel said. 

"Where else would I be," Castiel replied, not turning round. 

He'd went to school today. Yesterday he woke up with his bones aching and his head throbbing, so he didn't go to school. He didn't have to tell Jimmy, didn't have to hide. He simply laid there and let his siblings go about their morning routine and then leave. 

But today he didn't want to stay in the house with his father. Plus, talking to Dean last night made him anxious to see him again. It was fun. Dean had playfully punched his arm and made some comment about "playing hooky", then the rest of the day passed as normal, albeit Dean acting a little more smiley. They didn't talk about Castiel's gayness at all.

Since arriving home, he hadn't done much. He ate three mini pizzas, drank a party sized bottle of cola, and watched a lot of cartoons. That was about it.

Gabriel sat down on his bed and twirled his thumbs. 

"How you feelin'?" he asked after a few moments. Castiel took a deep breath in.

"Not great, Gabriel." he said. 

"I'm sorry. I have no idea... I wish I could give you some advice or something," he said. Castiel let go of his breath.

"It's okay. I don't really need advice,"

"Really?"

"Yeah. This isn't something that advice will fix. The only thing that will fix this is dad magically becoming non-homophobic. But I don't see that happening," he said distantly, still watching the leaves outside. A round little bumblebee buzzed past the window, surprising him. He didn't think there'd be any about, this late in the year. Gabriel made a frustrated noise and fell back on his bed.

"Could I talk to him?" he offered. Castiel shook his head slowly, unsure if he was even being watched or not.

"You could, but it would just anger him,"

"I know," he said after a moment. 

They didn't say anything else for a while, just stayed still and listened to each other's breathing. Then Gabriel leaped up and clapped his hands. 

"I know what'll cheer you up," Gabriel said.

"What's that," Castiel asked, amused. He turned in his chair, but Gabriel pulled it all the way to the centre of the room. Then he leaned across the desk and unlatched the window.

"Gabriel I'm getting some dark vibes from this," Castiel said. Gabriel pushed the window further opened and turned to look back, still perched on the desk.

"What? No, we're climbing out. I'm smart enough to know we can't jump out a second storey window, Cassie. Don't underestimate me."

"Don't call me Cassie," he said. Then Gabriel began to disappear out the window.  _Wait, he's serious?_

Castiel rushed over to the window sill.

"What are you doing?" he frowned. Gabriel jumped the last little bit down to the ground, then looked up to his twin brother.

"Brushing my hair," he said. Castiel rolled his eyes and took a step back. "Well come on then!" he called up. Castiel licked his lip as he considered. 

Then next thing he knew he was swinging a leg out of the window. Then the other leg. Then he was perched uncomfortably on the window sill, legs dangling as he laughed down at Gabriel. He never imagined he'd be doing this today.

"How do I do this?" he asked, being careful not to raise his voice _too_  much. His father was in the house somewhere. 

"See the creeper plant?" Gabriel asked, waving towards said plant just in case he couldn't see it. Castiel nodded. The creeper plant had been there since before they moved in, and no one know what it was. At first, they'd believed it to be ivy, but apparently ivy didn't have thick, rope like stalks.

"Use it as a foothold," Gabriel continued.

"Ugh, seriously?"

"Yes, seriously! How else you gonna get down? I'm not catching you, brother."

"I can't- I'm. How do I do that?" Castiel asked, twisting around a little and prodding the plant with his foot. 

"I dunno, you just do it. It's fine, it's not gonna break."

"You're a lot smaller than me, Gabriel," Castiel called back, but he thought he could do it. 

"Well fuck you too, fatty," he responded, holding up both middle fingers before turning to walk away.

"Wait! Fuck,"

"Hurry up, oh my God,"

"Give me a second! I need shoes" Castiel said, realizing for the first time that all he had on his feet were some woolly gray socks. Gabriel groaned and sat himself down on a garden bench.

Castiel was twisted around now, his shoe-less feet perched in the gaps of the plant stalk. He assumed it would be relatively easy to just pull himself back through the window - but when he attempted it he learned that that movement required upper body strength that he didn't have.

His arms were beginning to shake from holding up all of his weight, and it dawned on Castiel that there was no going back. Gabriel yawned from down on Earth.

"Alright!" Castiel snapped.

With a sigh, Castiel put all his faith in his shoe-less feet and quickly maneuvered his way down the plant, all the while humming the spider-man theme song in his head. Gabriel clapped him on the back once he hit the ground. 

Just then the light of the kitchen, which happened to be right beside them, switched on. The brothers ducked immediately and hurried across the lawn, through the gate, and out to the road. From there, the house appeared dark and empty. Anna was out and Jimmy was presumably in the kitchen, so they were safe. 

"So what now?" Castiel asked as he heard a car door click open behind them. He turned around to see Gabriel jumping into the driver's side of their father's Nissan Altima.  _How did he get the keys? It's not as if Dad leaves them lying about for all to see_. Phones  weren't the only things he didn't trust his children with. 

"Now we are free, Castiel," Gabriel said as he slipped into the passengers side. 

"The fuck are you doing?" Castiel asked, although he could make a good guess at what he was doing.

"I can't remember what you call it," he replied as the car grumbled to life.

"Hot-wiring."

"Hot-wiring! That's it! Thank you, that woulda bugged me all night," Gabriel grinned. Castiel slid into the passenger seat, clicked the door shut, and was ready to ask when he became knowledgeable on how to steal cars, but Gabriel was speeding away down the road, making his passenger thankful that  _this_  car was designed with seat belts. 

"Can you please tell me where we are going?" Castiel asked after a series of twists and turns. 

"A bar,"

"We're not old enough to drink," he said.

"Speak for yourself," Gabriel said as he whipped a small card out of his pocket and tossed it at Castiel.

"A fake ID? Where did you get this?" he laughed.

"A secret place," was all he said.

About ten minutes later, Gabriel was pulling up outside a dusty old roadhouse. Literally, the sign said Harvelle's Roadhouse in big flashing letters.  _Wait, Harvelle? As in Jo Harvelle?_

"How do you know this place?" Castiel asked. 

"I dunno. I just come here sometimes with my crew," he said as he killed the engine next to a red truck that looked like it hadn't been moved in five years. No, ten years. Castiel squinted at his brother.

"I think I know the girl who works here," Castiel said as they made their way to the door. An old wrinkly mad who'd probably been sitting in the sun for as long as the truck was rocking in a chair outside, smoking a pipe. The brothers coughed as the smoke floated their way and filled their lungs with a putrid odour a lot worse than plain old cigarette smoke. 

"You know Ellen?"

"What? No, Jo. She probably doesn't work here-"

"Oh, she does. How'd you know her? I thought you were a loner," Gabriel said. Castiel didn't answer, instead drunk in the scene of the bar. He'd never been in a bar before - not even on a Sunday night family dinner or something. The actual bar took up most of the right side of the room, and there was an elevated section to the left with a pool table. It was surprisingly busy - which Castiel wouldn't have thought from the outside appearance. 

As they sat at the bar, Castiel saw Jo bustle by, balancing a bunch of plates across her arms. Castiel smiled as she quickly vanished through a side door, actually kind of glad to be seeing her. 

"That was Jo," Gabriel said.

"I know."

"How do you know her again?" he asked, bouncing his leg impatiently as he waited for someone to take his order. 

"From school. I'm kind of her friend."

"Castiel!" Jo walked up to the other side of the counter, beaming a smile. Castiel grinned back.

"Hey, I never knew you had a job?" he asked. She was dressed in the same kind of clothes she wore to school, all pretty neutral colours, plus a small stained apron that looked as if it used to be white.

"I've always had a job, dude. It's probably child labour, actually," she said, smiling. She tilted her head at Gabriel. "How d'ya know this guy?"

"Oh, he's my brother. My twin, believe it or not," Castiel replied, leaning forwards on the bar counter. Despite how crowded it was in here, he felt comfortable. Jo's mouth made a little 'o' shape.

"No way!"

"Yeah, I'm older though," Gabriel said as if he was boasting.

"Dude, nobody cares," Castiel said. Jo laughed at them and wrung a dishtowel through her hands.

"You're starting to sound like Dean," she said. Then her eyes flicked to something behind them, and she dumped the towel and straightened her posture. "So what you boys want to drink?"

"Hard at work, Joanna?" a woman said from behind Castiel. He turned around to see a woman of his height with bushy brown hair and an apron to match "Joanna".

"Yes, Mom, they're just ordering," she said. Castiel laughed at her, but she couldn't scold him in front of her mother.

"Jo, what would you recommend?" Gabriel asked, leaning in on his elbows. Jo raised an eyebrow at him as she stood resting on the opposite side of the bar.

"I don't know. There's lots of drinks here. A beer? That's what you usually go for," she said in a no-nonsense kind of tome. Gabriel flushed red and drew back a little.

"Yeah. Beer's good," he said. Jo nodded and switched her attention to Castiel.

"And you?" she asked.

"Same, please," he asked, not actually wanting one but feeling somehow like he needed one. 

"You got it," she said, then turned to pull some off a shelf below the bar to the left. When she cracked them opened and plopped them down on the bar top, they thanked her politely just before someone else called on her.

"So Jo's cute isn't she?" Castiel asked, timing it perfectly so Gabriel spluttered on his sip of beer.

"No, what? Haha no," he said all in a rush as he made a face. Castiel beamed at him.

"I could talk to her for you--"

"Hey, no. No. The only way I'd ever let you pick up girls for me is if I ever for some reason physically cannot talk," Gabriel said certainly.

And that closed that discussion. 

But after each drink, the brother's talked more and more, and by Beer #5, they were both giggling away on the floor by the pool table. At some point, they'd attempted to play a game, but were found to be so terrible that some angry hunter guys told them to fuck off. Their bar seats were then taken, so the floor was really their only option.

For a while, Gabriel had been talking in a voice like his tongue was too big for his mouth. Girls was his subject, much to Castiel's disappointment. He'd went through most of his life managing to avoid being pulled into the pining of the straight man, but hey, it was his brother. He had to listen.

However, all the words sounded jumbled to Castiel and they really went in one ear and out the other - if you had taken Castiel aside at any point and asked him what his brother was talking about, he wouldn't have an answer. But he humoured him by nodding alone as he sipped his beer through a plastic straw that he didn't remember getting. 

The older twin went on and on about how badly he wanted a real girlfriend. Castiel tried his very best not to pull faces when Gabriel told him all about one girl in particular he had been "messing around" with for some time. At some point, he realized that he wanted to be with her like a real couple, but the day he was planning to ask her out he learned that she had a new boyfriend. 

"She never even told me!" Gabriel whined, as if he had a right to know. "Nvrr evn told m."

Apparently Jo reminded him of her with her quote "sunny hair and pretty eyes".

Eventually Gabriel did shut up about himself though.

"So wh'bout you?" Gabriel said, voice slurred. His beer was empty so he set it aside. 

"Mhm?"

"You into anyone?" he asked before belching really loudly, attracting a few dirty looks.

"Uhhh," Castiel meant to place his beer down beside him, but his hand jerked and he slammed it down instead, some of the liquid splashing over. After a short and drunken laughing fit, Gabriel poked his brother in the ribs and asked again.

"Dean!" Castiel replied chirply, his eyes squinting as he began laughing again. 

"Dude...you're so gaaay," Gabriel sang. Castiel laughed as he nodded in agreement. 

"I know! He's so...beautiful...though," he said. It was then that he realized how uncomfortably warm it was in the roadhouse, and he climbed heavily to his feet. Gabriel grabbed his arm and pulled himself up, almost causing Castiel to lose his balance. 

"We should be together," Castiel said when they were outside. "I would be such a good boyfriend."

"Then boyfriend him," Gabriel said.

"What?"

"Be his boyfriend,"

Castiel laughed as if someone had just fallen over.

"I can't do that!" he said as he leaned against their father's car for balance.

"Why not," Gabriel said, voice sounding slurred again as he fought to open the car door.

"Because he's like. Hetero"

"How d'you know that?" his brother asked him before jumping into the car. And then the clouds cleared and Castiel saw the light.

"I guess I don't" he said, but Gabriel wasn't there. He flung the door open and leaned inside to face his brother, feeling like he was a living genius. "I don't know!" he repeated.

"Well you know what you gotta do?" Gabriel asked after starting the car again.

"Wha'?"

"You gotta find out."

Castiel dived into the passengers side and slammed the door.

"How do I do that?"

****

The drive from the roadhouse to Dean's house was erratic and thrilling. Gabriel wasn't that experienced at driving to begin with, and his drunkenness didn't do any favours, but each swerve of the car was like a dip in the roller coaster. Castiel felt giddy, and the entire drive passed with the wind whistling through their ears and ruffling their hair, as all the windows were down. 

Despite being piss-ass drunk, Castiel was still perfectly able to direct his brother right to Dean's door. The car screeched to a halt in a blaze of rubber against tarmac, and Gabriel killed the engine. Castiel gave Gabriel a goofy smile, and Gabriel replied with an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Then he was out of the car. It was dark now, and the street lights were unusually dim, but all the lights were on in the Winchester house. With the world spinning, Castiel began his journey from sidewalk to front door, watching his feet as he carefully placed each step. He felt like the only things in the world were him, and that door.

As Castiel trundled up the path, Gabriel followed not far behind. He was sure he was being stealthy, but in reality he was stumbling blindly and making more noise than his twin.

Finally, Castiel was at the door. For a petrifying moment he thought he was going to puke, and he turned to the side as he pressed a hand to his stomach. But then it passed and he stepped back towards the door. There was a bell, but Castiel knocked his fist against the door instead. 

One, two, three, four times.

Voices from inside. And then the door swung open and there was Dean, looking confused but still beautiful.

"Cas what are y-"

But Dean was cut off by Castiel grabbing a fistful of his t-shirt and pulling him in close. Without even thinking about it, Castiel pressed his lips into Deans. Very clumsily, and he ignored how their nosed bumped together. 

For the mere second the kiss lasted, a shiver shot down Castiel's spine and he felt warm all over. He'd never felt this strongly in his life, but then Dean pulled away, his hand still grabbing the sleeve of Castiel's trench coat. Castiel let go of Dean's shirt.

What seemed like an infinity passed as the pair stood staring at each other, shoulders rising and falling significantly as they breathed.

"Cas?" Dean said, his voice low and gravelly.

"Yeah?"

"Where are your shoes?"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's me :-)
> 
> Sorry again for taking 5ever to update, things are still kind of weird in my life. But I'm gonna try and get back into my routine again! I've not got many chapters left, but I feel like I've still got so much to write! 
> 
> Hope this chapter's okay :*


	10. Dinner Date

_September 4, Friday, 11:56pm_

  "Where are your shoes?" he asked. Funny how those were the first words out of his mouth after  _that_. The inside of his mind was fireworks and muddled thoughts, but those words just came out involuntarily. 

But he'd just kissed Castiel. Or, rather, Castiel had just kissed him. This couldn't be real. He hadn't done anything! Not a single living soul knew about his true feelings towards Castiel. Sure, Lisa had her suspicions but she didn't  _know_ , and Dean was 99% confident that she hadn't shared those suspicions with anybody. 

It didn't make sense for Castiel to do this. Had Dean been obvious? Was he no longer as good at hiding his emotions as he used to be? Butterflies were in his stomach and he felt as if his face was on fire. His cheeks were beginning to hurt from smiling so he bit down on his tongue as he watched Castiel look down at his feet. 

"I can't remember," Castiel muttered with a smile on his lips as he wiggled his toes. Dean thought he could just stare at him for ages, but then in the still night he heard a car engine purring. He couldn't tell how far away, and he couldn't tell who it was, but he panicked anyway.

"Son of a bitch. Inside," he said as he pulled Castiel roughly inside. Just as he went to close the door, he noticed that goddamn Gabriel was out there too. Halfway down the front lawn.

"Gabriel!" Dean hissed, leaning over but not stepping out. If Castiel wanted to strut about onn the grass in his socks, that was fine, but Dean was above that. "Gabriel get in here!"

And Gabriel did get in there, even going to the liberty to shut the door behind them, just as the car appeared at the bottom of the street.

"Dean, what--?!"

"Doesn't matter," Dean said, silencing his little brother who'd appeared behind the TV. Dean felt his face heat up again and he hoped to God that Sam hadn't seen anything. Sam watched helplessly as Dean guided the drunken siblings past him, down the hallway to Dean's room. 

"Dean--"

"Shut your cake hole, Sammy! You shouldn't even be up, go to bed,"

"But--"

Then the front door opened and John Winchester walked in. For a moment Dean froze, but then he pulled himself together and practically dived into the room after Castiel and Gabriel. Castiel was sitting on the floor, back against Dean's bed as his eyes began to droop. Gabriel was standing close to Dean doing absolutely nothing. 

Dean stared at them, completely bewildered. He was still trying to wrap his head around what just happened, when John began hammering on his door.

"You alright, son?" he called, voice muffled through the door. Dean pivoted round and opened the door a crack.

"Don't feel too good," he said with a frown as he began to push himself through the crack. John watched him liked he was crazy and backed up, making room for Dean. Once he was all the way out he kicked the door shut behind him and went to the bathroom door opposite.

"Just gonna wash my face," he said, laughing nervously to try and assure his father was everything was A-okay coolio beans. 

"Good idea, you're looking kind of flushed there," John said amusedly. Dean held his stare for a moment, wishing for him to just walk away from his bedroom door. But John didn't budge, so Dean plastered on a smile again and closed the bathroom door. 

After splashing his face with some cool water, he went back out into the hallway and looked both ways. The coast was clear. After jumping across the narrow hallway and into his room once again, he found the brothers in the exact same spots he'd left them. He vaguely felt like he was babysitting a pair of toddlers.

"Okay, guys, it was nice seeing you but now it's time to hit the road," Dean said, clapping his hands together. He waited for a response, but there was nothing. Gabriel was on his feet, so he had to be awake. Right?

"Hey, Gabriel," Dean put his hand on the boys shoulder, and he snorted before jumping away "Whoa, take it easy. Um. You guys can't stay here, okay?" 

Gabriel sat down beside Castiel, who was snoring quietly. 

"For the love of...Cas! Wake up!"

He did eventually wake up after being shook vigorously by the shoulders for ten seconds. 

"Alright guys, you need to leave. Now. It was fine to have a slumber party when it was just me 'nd Sammy. But my dad's here now, and he'll kill all of us if he even smells you, we clear?" he said. 

"Crystal," Castiel said, nodding affirmatively as he climbed to his feet.

"Okay, uh. I think I can--"

"Dean!" Sam called through the door.

"Are you friggin' kidding me!" Dean snapped.  _Can I just catch a break here, please?_

He pushed the door open an inch to glare at his brother with one eye. Sam looked just as worried as Dean felt, and he swore those were beads of sweat on the boy's forehead. Sam wet his lips with his tongue and glanced back to their father on the sofa. 

"Uh, Dad wants to talk to you," he said.

 _Son. Of. A. Bitch._  Dean sighed as he pressed his forehead against the wall.

"Stay right there until I think of something," Dean ordered the Novak brothers, before he went to see what his father needed at literally the worst possible moment.

When he stumbled into the living room, mind racing at a thousand thoughts per second, Dean laid eyes on his father again. This time, he really got a good look at him. So much had been happening lately that he'd lost track of how long it had been since he seen John. All he knew was that about the time he left was about the same time his social life had unexpectedly fired up. 

"Dean, I wanna thank you again for taking care of business the other night. You did exactly as I said and I'm impressed," John said, smiling with a proud sparkle in his eyes. Dean scuffed his foot on the carpet and looked down.

"Thanks, dad," he mumbled, not really taking it all in. He had no idea he was coming home tonight. He'd barely had time to process this, and all he could think about were the two drunk boys hidden in his room. One of which had kissed Dean. On the lips. He felt butterflies rising again and shook his head, looking back up to his father's face. John nodded, the proud expression not faltering. He seemed lost for words. 

"Again, I'm sorry I had to spring that on you without much notice. What were you up to anyway?" he asked. He was leaned back on the sofa, arm outstretched along the back of it, beer bottle in hand, with his legs crossed in a 4-figure. 

"Nowhere important," he said somewhat spitefully. The sigh of the beer in his hand pissed him off. He wanted to grab it and throw it into the trashcan. John's brow twitched.

"Really? Because it was urgent enough to keep you from answering my phone calls. And you know that when I call, it's important. It means I need you. It's your job,  _as my son_ , to do what I need, when I need it," he paused here, letting the words sink in. Dean blinked, really struggling to find the words. His lips moved, but no sounds came out. "Really, I don't ask for much Dean,"

"Why didn't you ask Sam then? He's your son too," Dean finally came up with. Anger flashed through John's eyes. Only for a second, but when it vanished, so did the proud sparkle. Now they looked dull. John leaned forwards in the seat, clasping the beer bottle between his legs with both hands. Dean took half a step back.

"Sam is too young for this kind of shit," he said. Dean tightened his jaw, remembering everything he had to put up with when he was 13. 

"You're capable," John said.

"Alright, but--"

"No, Dean, we're done here," John said, looking to the side as he licked his lips. "I tried to tell you... I just wanted to congratulate you on a job well done, and you don't even care. What's the point,"

Silence stretched out between them, and Dean knew he wasn't supposed to answer, but wasn't sure if he should leave or what. 

But he did leave, letting his father sit on the sofa with his beer, silently brewing up whatever evil scheme he was meaning to carry out next. 

And when he entered his room for the last time that night, Castiel and Gabriel were out cold. Castiel was on the floor, back pressed against the boxes under Dean's bed. Gabriel had pulled a blue nylon sleeping back from the wardrobe - which made Dean laugh dryly - and had curled up in it, shoes still on.

As he debated whether or not it was worth it to try and make his guests leave once more, he spotted a crumpled up note beside the alarm clock on his bedside table. It was a wrinkled receipt that had been flattened out again, and on the blank side Castiel had scrawled "Thank you."

Dean grinned at it, feeling his eyes begin to droop. It was messy and shaky, but in cursive so he had no doubt it was from Cas. The tail of the "u" was dragged down too far, and Dean's pen that he always kept next to his bed was still clasped lightly in Castiel's hand, he noticed. He didn't have the heart to make them leave after seeing that.

He pulled off his jeans and replaced them with old plaid PJ bottoms (he usually slept in only his boxers but was scared to with Castiel there) before burrowing into bed and falling asleep in pleasant comfort.

  **** 

The next morning, Dean had been awaken by a very groggy Castiel shaking him awake. Dean had to stifle a yell when he opened his eyes, as his friend (??) had hair sticking up at all angles, and beneath his eyes were smudged with blue. And not a good blue - a murky blue.

Castiel had apologized and taken Gabriel away so quickly that Dean was still practically asleep by the time they shut the front door (quietly and carefully). They didn't speak for the rest of the day, and it wasn't until late on Sunday morning when Dean's phone buzzed with a text from Castiel.

**Cas: Hello Dean**

**Dean: hey man. tsup**

**Cas: Well tonight my father has to attend a work party, and my siblings and I are obliged to go along too. Would you like to join us?**

Dean held back. Out of all the scenarios his mind had cooked up, being invited to a fancy dinner with his family wasn't one of them. Dean tried to recall all the information he had on Castiel's father. Other than that photo of them all when Cas was little, and the fact that he was a homophobic piece of trash that bullied Castiel, his mind was blank. 

Dean: where is it? whats the dress code?

**Cas: It's at the marina on a cruise ship that's supposed to be going to Jamaica tomorrow morning. It's quite a formal dress code. Suit and tie required.**

Dean thought for a moment. He only had one "monkey suit" as he liked to call them. He couldn't ever remember wearing one in his life - other than to his mother's funeral when he was four. He didn't know why John insisted on "treating" him and Sammy to one every Christmas. There were better things Dean thought he could spend his illegal money on. 

**Dean: im not sure man**   
**Dean: u know id usually not pass on hanging out with you but boats arent my scene tbh**

**Cas: There'll be free food. There's lots of choices.**

**Dean: yeah but its marina food. it literally all tastes of fish?**

**Cas: What? Not on the boats. Have you been eating from the food trucks?**

**Dean: yeah sorry for being such a simpleton**

**Cas: I didn't say you were I was just asking**

**Dean: i was kidding. dw abt it**   
**Dean: is it really good?**

**Cas: Really really good**

**Dean: woah okay calm down thats a bit too exaggerated**   
**Dean: okay im in. but im rating the pie and if it isn't a perfect ten im gonna be SEVERELY dissapointed**

**Cas: Haha okay Dean.  Come to mine at 6pm**

**Dean: see you then**

Dean watched the screen, wondering if Castiel would say anything else. But then  _online_ changed to  _last seen today at 11:46._

Dean locked his phone and went to find his suit.

✮✮✮✮

"And who is this?" 

Mr Jimmy Novak looked like an aged version of Gabriel, except with wrinkles and dusty hair. He looked a lot more serious, and vaguely intimidating in the flesh. That old picture on the mantelpiece in Castiel's home didn't do any justice to what he really looked like. Although Dean failed to remember that that photo was almost ten years old.

"Uh, I'm Dean," said Dean, his throat catching when he said his name. He coughed dryly, as Castiel eyed him worriedly. Anna and Gabriel were also there, looking serious.

"Dean what?" Jimmy asked, straightening his posture. Dean, in return, straightened his own posture and blinked at the man.

"Dean Winchester, sir."

"Are you making fun of me?" he asked harshly. Dean coughed again and slackened his shoulders, dying for some water.

"No! No, s-no. My dad just raised me to talk like that."

"Ah. Okay. I can respect that. At least you have some manners. Ha! I wasn't expecting that, from the look of you," Jimmy said with a bemused twinkle in his eye, before he whisked around and hurried away swiftly to join another group of people. Dean let out his breath. Castiel touched his arm lightly, making him flinch.

"Sorry. Um, so want to go find our seats?" he asked. Dean felt a little pang of sadness when he looked into Castiel's eyes, for they were distant and made it clear he was tired. Tiredly sad. Dean didn't need to ask to know that Castiel couldn't be bothered with tonight. He suspected that's why he asked Dean along, for support. Or something.

"Yeah," Dean said. Then, trying to push through the awkward barrier, "Wait, you mean we have assigned seats?"

"Yeah," Castiel smiled, but his eyes remained still and distant. Dean hated it. Anna spoke up.

"We're at table thirteen, which is basically just where they dump all the kids," she said. She was wearing an elegant green dress made of velvet, with a low plunge neckline and a skirt that hid her shoes, but didn't trail on the ground. 

So they left the marina, which was swarmed with the poshest looking snobs Dean had ever laid eyes on, and trailed up an alarmingly unsteady looking ramp onto the cruise ship. Dean had never been on a boat that wasn't a canoe, and was uncomfortable at how lush and elegant it was. He was reminded of the first time he seen the inside of Castiel's home, but this was worse. They followed a couple along an outer deck that had shiny mahogany railings, into the "main dining room".

The room was huge, and had dark a strip of mahogany going around it, though most of the floor was a royal blue carpet with lighter blue flowers forming an elaborate design. There were what looked like marble pillars at the side of the rooms, and the walls were panelled with mahogany and soft, detailed paintings that looked like they were from the 19th century. Even the ceiling was painted with blue clouds and golden swirls. The tables were coated in white blankets and baby blue napkins folded into little fans. 

Most of the large, circular tables were filled, apart from the one next to the doors marked "ladies" and "gentlemen", as far away from the stage as it could be. On the stage, a jazz band constructed of what Dean would describe as "classical instruments" played a gentle song that faded into the background. There was a microphone with nobody behind it, and Dean prayed there wasn't going to be singing. 

Anna led the three boys to the table by the toilets, and for ten excruciating minutes they all sat in silence. Gabriel was bent over his phone playing candy crush, and Anna was picking at the bread from the center basket as she looked about, watching people. 

Castiel and Dean kept glancing everywhere but at each other, nervously waiting for the other to start talking about something. Dean finally picked up the menu, happy to see that it was at least 10 pages long. However, his face fell when he saw that it was all in French. The only sign of English on the entire book was the prices, which sported dollar signs rather than euros. He leaned towards Castiel, acutely conscious of seeming dumb in front of Anna, who he viewed as being really sophisticated.

"Dude. Why's it all in French?" he whispered, scanning the page for any words that he may recognize. Castiel grinned at him as he reached for his own menu.

"I told you it was fancy."

"What? Why the fuck is French fancy. Can everyone here read French?"

"Most people. I'll help you order."

"No, don't worry about it. I got it," Dean assured him, secretly embarrassed to have someone else order for him. He didn't need help reading a damn menu. Language was irrelevant. Castiel leaned back a little, giving him space. 

Other than that, the pair didn't have that much to talk about, and eventually the entire hall was filled. A rather short man wearing a captain's uniform took his place behind the microphone. For some reason, Dean thought he was about to belt into song, but he only welcomed everyone and went through the safety precautions. 

Then the waitress appeared.

"Can I take your orders?" she asked with a beaming smile. 

"Uh yes. I'll have the cocktail de crevettes please," Castiel said, causing Dean to snigger. He'd never heard Cas speak French before - didn't even know he could do it - but it was really cute. Wait, no. He cleared his throat and pushed that thought away. He couldn't think about Castiel like that here. Tonight was about being there for Castiel, even though he wasn't really talkative. It wasn't appropriate to think about deeper stuff right then.

He definitely wasn't going to think about the kiss they shared.

And he definitely wasn't going to think about why Castiel was acting as if everything was normal between them.

"Awesome." the waitress said, scribbling the order down on her notepad. "And you, sir?" she asked, focusing her attention on Dean.

"Escargots, s'il vous plaît" he said decisively, pronouncing it  _ess-car-gots_. 

"Dean, no--"

"Yep. Thank you miss," he said. The waitress smiled again before leaving. Dean looked back to Castiel, who was wearing an expression of both amusement and disbelief. Dean took that as a bad sign.

"Okay fine, what are ess-car-gots?" he asked. He'd studied the foreign words for a long time before deciding that the escargots had a nice sound to them. No accents above the letters, very simple looking. So he went with that. But Castiel's reaction was giving him doubts.

"Wait and you'll see," was all he said, grinning widely. Usually Dean would be annoyed, being teased for not knowing something. But he didn't care about that, it was just nice to see him smile.

"Is it frogs legs?" Dean asked.

"Maybe," Castiel laughed.

"Shit, it's frogs legs. Isn't it?"

"I'm not saying anything!" 

He kept true to his word, and Dean didn't say anything either. He was pissed at himself for being so silent. It wasn't like him. He could usually come up with something to talk about, but not tonight. Why? Castiel had probably invited him along to have someone to talk to and joke with, someone to distract him from sulking about his dad all night long. All Dean had managed to do so far was create awkward silences. He glances towards Castiel's siblings. The both of them were on their phones now. Everyone else at their table was chatting to each other, and it make Dean feel weird that he was just sitting there.

Thankfully, though, the first course didn't take long in the kitchen. Once the waitress placed a plate of  six snails on his plate, Dean suddenly had a hundred things to say. 

"Oh my god, this is what I ordered?" he asked, his lip curled in disgust as the Novak siblings did nothing but laugh. Dean didn't blame him. If he hadn't just wasted a meal, he would be laughing too. "Cas why didn't you say anything?" 

"I tried to! You wouldn't listen to me!" Castiel argued. That was true, Dean realized. 

"Fuck. What the fuck."

"Here, you can have some of mine if you want," Castiel said calmly, pushing his shrimp cocktail closer to Dean. It looked delicious, but he was reluctant to take someone elses food. Gabriel could still be heard laughing in the background. 

"No, man. It's cool. How do you eat snails anyway?" he asked, hoping that Castiel wouldn't insist. Castiel's eyes widened.

"What, are you gonna eat one?"

"No! Gross!" Dean exclaimed. Castiel laughed at him.

"I'm actually not sure, I've never seen it. I assume you eat them similar to the way you eat oysters, though," he said. Dean pulled a face, disgusted. He was just so hungry.

He nudged the plate away then sat back, arms crossed. He was not happy.

After everyone else had finished their starters the waitress came to take the empty dishes away. Before she could leave, Castiel stopped her and asked to change Dean's remaining two courses. Dean was glad, except he did so in French, and refused to tell what he'd ordered.

It turned out to be a bacon cheeseburger with a side of fries - something Dean didn't think would be served in a place like this - and cherry pie for dessert! 

"Cas, you know me too well man," Dean smiled once the pie had been placed down in front of him. Castiel only laughed, somewhat nervously.

Before Dean could even take a bite, however, he saw Jimmy Novak approaching their table. He walked to Gabriel's side and put a hand on his son's shoulder. Gabriel shot a worried glance at Castiel, who sat frigidly watching his plate. Dean felt bad for him.

"My associates would like to meet  you all," he said, emotionless. Dean had to stop himself from snorting, the dude sounded like he had a stick up his ass. Castiel looked to Gabriel and Anna as they stood up and followed their father. Gabriel motioned for his twin to follow too, so Castiel reluctantly left his seat as well, not meeting Dean's eye.

After watching Castiel trudge to the other side of the room, he shook his head slowly and dug into his pie.

****

Dean was picking at a loose thread on his trousers and wishing he could be wearing a pair of jeans – these were so itchy – when Castiel returned. His eyes were glassy and he had a faint smile on his face.

"You okay, man?" Dean asked, wincing at how forced "man" sounded to him. He was trying too hard to be casual, and was unsure how much longer he could keep up this act before he snapped and ended up yelling at Castiel out of frustration.

"Yeah."Castiel laughed. "I don't know. Lots of people here remember me and are talking to me, yet my father still refuses to even acknowledge me. It's quite funny, actually."

 _It's not funny at all_ , Dean thought with a frown as Castiel took a bread roll from the basket and started tearing little bits off. The weird smile stuck on the boy's face, and he either didn't notice or didn't care that Dean was staring right into him.

As the night had progressed, Dean had felt himself getting more and more restless. He couldn't keep still, and couldn't calm his thoughts.Every look towards Castiel triggered images to appear of what happened less than 24 hours ago. It felt like it happened ten lifetimes ago, but it didn't.

He couldn't say why he hadn't brought it up yet, and really he couldn't tell why he didn't want to. Castiel's silence had made Dean thinkthat perhaps Castiel didn't want to talk about it. That perhaps, he didn't even want to remember it. And now Dean was dreading the moment one of them finally did bring it up. It had to happen some time,right? Nothing could be avoided forever.

But  _this_ was one secret Dean couldn't keep. He didn't know how he knew, but he would end up blurting it out to Castiel at some point. Just to throw it out there. Get to the bottom of it.

"Can we go outside for a bit?" Castiel asked, voice soft but hoping.Dean's breath hitched in his throat. _No_ , he thought.  _No I can't be alone with you right now. I'm sorry._

"Sure, man," he said casually, voice gruff.  _Dammit Dean_.

So Dean, helpless, rose from his chair and followed Castiel through the grand double doors and out to the deck. And of course, they were the only people there. And of course Dean felt all his emotions, all his feelings, gathering into a ball in the pit of his stomach, slowly rising up. He was going to say it. God knows he didn't want to, but he was going to. He felt like a little puppet that was being controlled, being forced to do things he didn't want to do. It was a routine, and he couldn't break out of it or else he'd probably be sick.

The air out here was sweet, confectionery aromas wafting out through the doors. The boat was still docked, and the pier, now dark, was almost completely desolate. A string of lights hung from the upper deck of the ship, but all Dean could see was how the soft light illuminated Castiel's features. Then he saw those deep blue eyes meet his green ones.

Dean took a deep breath.

"Dean-"

"Why haven't you said anything about last night?" Dean blurted. His voice sounded too loud in his ears, and he felt as if he really was going to throw up. This feelings shit was stressful.

Castiel frowned at him, but otherwise didn't look too bothered.

"I... don't know...?" he said carefully, and then Dean realized that he didn't remember. Their first kiss, and he didn't even know about it. Dean's heart sank a little.

 

"I remember going out with Gabriel and getting very, very drunk. We seen Jo. I don't remember going to yours, but thank you for letting us stay." he said. Dean only watched him helplessly, trying to read his face, to understand what Castiel was thinking. "How did we get to yours? Did you pick us up?"

And suddenly all the emotions were back, fireworks going off inside of him. He shouldn't feel like this from just talking. This was how he felt when their lips met, he didn't know why that feeling had resurfaced when they weren't even touching. When Castiel couldn't even remember.

"You came to my door and you kissed me," Dean said bluntly.

Castiel's eyes widened, and his mouth gaped open. For a moment that dragged on for too long, all they did was stare at each other. Dean feeling like jelly inside but glad that he finally had the upper hand again, Castiel completely confused, not knowing what to think. His mouth felt too dry, but eventually he made words work.

"I...  _kissed_... you?" he asked.

"Yes,"Dean confirmed.

"I... I'm sorry,"

"What?"Dean spat out, voice sounding a bit squeakier than he liked. He cleared his throat. "Cas, don't apologise. Why are you apologising?"

"I don't know! Fuck, I didn't even know I kissed you, I don't... I..."his voice drifted off, and he snapped his head away from Dean, his eyes set on the rippling black water surrounding them.

"I  _am_ sorry." he said again, talking to the water. "I'm really really sorry. Fuck, I just... I was starting to feel like we were really friends. I went too far. I didn't mean it and I'm so sorry I put you in that position." He bit down on his tongue, not knowing what else to say. He was never good at apologies, he couldn't think of the right words.

Dean debated silently in his head for a moment, then took a big leap.

"I never said I didn't want to be in that position," he said, voice low, unsure how to go about this. With a small step, he closed the space between him and Castiel. He hoped he wasn't crowding him, but the sparkle in Castiel's eyes when he looked up told him that it was fine.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper. Dean smiled at him, ever so slightly. Castiel smiled back, a glint of doubt still on his expression.

"I'm not mad that you kissed me, Castiel," he said. It was quiet, but he heard Castiel suck in his breath, and he couldn't help but smile wider.

Slowly,carefully, he lifted one hand and placed it on the side of Castiel's face. His hands felt clammy but he prayed that Castiel didn't mind. This was all too new to him and he was terrified that if he made one wrong move, it would all be over in a flash. But Castiel closed his eyes and sighed. Dean took that as a sign that everything was okay, that Castiel wanted this as much as he did, and Dean leaned forwards.

Their lips pressed together once more, and this time it was different. It wasn't as pleasantly shocking as their first kiss, but this one was better. Castiel smiled as they kissed, and his hands worked their way up to behind Dean's neck and held him. Dean smiled too and held him closer, tingles prickling his skin all over.

It was different, but this was one that Castiel would remember.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOO BOY this chapter exceeds 5000 words oh Goodness.
> 
> I'm not...100% happy with this chapter. I don't know why I wrote so much. But hopefully y'all like it! Please let me know what you think :*


	11. Forgiveness

_September 9, Monday, 7:43pm_

 

Castiel was halfway through a four hour study session when there was a knock at the door. Figuring it was Anna, since Gabriel never knocked on any door, he called for her to come in.

He stayed with his head bent over his AP Chemistry book, back to the wall, as the door creaked open. Castiel watched the shadow on the wall beside him.

“What's up?” he asked, pushing his desk chair out to turn around. Then he froze. It wasn't Anna standing in his door way. It wasn't Gabriel. It was his father. He couldn't speak.

“Hello, son,” Jimmy said solemnly.

The first thing Castiel's mind went to was his mother. Something had happened to her. She was dead. She was dead and his father was here to break the news.

Castiel didn't move.

“Mind if I sit?” his father asked, gesturing weakly to Castiel's tidily made bed. He didn't like people sitting on his bed, but he said nothing. Did nothing.

Jimmy sat. Right on the edge of the bed, his back stiffly straight. He looked down at his hands and twisted his fingers between each other. Castiel began to sweat. He was sure something was wrong with his mother. How long had it been since he'd seen her? Spoken to her? He never said goodbye. He never told her how much he still loved her.

“Castiel...”

“Is Mom okay?” Castiel asked suddenly. Jimmy met his eye for the first time in a while and blinked.

“Yes... Which is part of the reason I'm here, actually. Heh. She phoned me just about an hour ago, and we had a really long talk,” Jimmy said. Castiel moved, shifting around in his chair to face the man. Jimmy rarely spoke of Amelia, and had definitely mentioned nothing of still being in contact with her. _Have they always been in touch? Why didn't she want to talk to me? Do Gabriel and Anna know about this?_ Castiel wondered.

“What? What do you mean, why did she phone you?” Castiel quizzed. Jimmy sighed and rubbed his forehead tiredly.

“Okay, buddy, I'm gonna be really honest with you now, okay?”

“Yes, definitely,” Castiel said eagerly. There were countless things he wanted to know. If his dad was basically saying he was about to spill the beans on everything, he was all for it.

“Your... Mom and I have still been in touch. Since she left. Not constantly, but once or twice a year we'll talk on the phone--”

“About what? Us? How is she? Is she happy in Costa Rica? Is she remarried? Does she have more children?” he asked quickly, his chest tightening at the last question. He hadn't thought about that in a long time. He hadn't even meant to say it, it just sort of slipped out. He really hoped she didn't have new children. He wouldn't mind if she'd remarried, he would be happy in fact. He wasn't exactly a fan of Jimmy Novak either, and if his mother had found happiness somewhere else, then he was honestly glad.

But the image of her with new children, after already leaving three? That wasn't fair. That just wasn't fair. Why did those children get to have her when she'd been taken away from Castiel and his siblings?

“Whoa, champ, one question at a time, please!” Jimmy chuckled nervously, little beads of sweat forming on his forehead. Castiel didn't care about that. He was past the point of feeling sympathy for his father, all he wanted from him was answers. Blunt and to the point, preferably.

“What do you talk about with her?” Castiel asked flatly. Jimmy swallowed noticeably.

“Everything, really. She asks about you, Anna, and Gabe every time. She'll go on and on, she wants to hear everything,” he said gently, his eyes sad and distant, but still looking somewhat nostalgic. “I mean everything. She'll ask what you've had for lunch, what you got on your report card, what you're doing at the weekend...”

Castiel's eyes were pricking, but he rubbed them with his sleeve. He did not want to cry in front of his father.

“Why doesn't... Why doesn't she just ask us?” he asked, his voice breaking a little. All he wanted was to talk to her. Even just for a minute. It hurt him so much that she didn't want that too. Jimmy shook his head, a smile on his face like he just informed someone of a death in the family, but was trying to keep a brave face.

“It's too painful for her, buddy,” he said, and Castiel wished that he would stop using those dumb nicknames. But he remembered that he always did it when talking about something sensitive. It was his safety blanket.

“She wishes she could talk to you, she really does. She just can't bring herself to do it,” Jimmy continued. He looked to his son again, signalling that it was his turn to talk. Castiel blinked furiously as he looked to the ceiling.

“It's been nine years,” he said. Jimmy nodded solemnly.

“I know, son. I don't know how much time she needs. But I don't want to rush her,”

“Is she married again?” Castiel asked, looking down to the floor as he pulled the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands. He hoped she was. He didn't want her to be alone.

“Yes.” Jimmy said. Castiel waited for more. He wanted to know his name, how long they'd been together. The tension in the air was incredibly thick, and Castiel knew his father didn't want to discuss it, but he wasn't going to talk until he did.

Jimmy looked around the room, silent.

“His name's Robert. He's from America too. Washington.”

“Is she happy?”

“Yes.”

“Does she miss us?”

“Yes, son.”

“Do you think--” but then Castiel's voice cracked again, and he felt a painful lump in his throat swelling up. He was going to ask if she would ever come back, but couldn't get the words out. Deep down, he knew it was very unlikely for her to leave for almost a decade then decide to just reappear again. It wasn't a time out. It was her leaving to start her life over, for whatever reason.

But even just a visit...

More empty time passed. Castiel had more questions, but knew he couldn't get through them without sobbing. He always felt uncomfortable showing emotions in front of people, but especially his father. It was almost humiliating. The few questions he'd already answered would be enough for him to think about until... he didn't know. This was the first time his mother had been discussed since him and Gabriel turned nine. He didn't know when he'd have this chance again.

"Wait, why did you even come in here? What made you decide to tell me this if it's been going on for years?” Castiel asked. Jimmy, who hadn't made any sign to leave, took a deep breath.

“Because I told her you were gay,” he said, sounding tired. Castiel felt sick. He stood up suddenly, knocking against the chair as he did so. He wanted Jimmy to leave now. He didn't want to deal with this. Things had never been the same since he found out his father was a homophobe, and if it turned out that his mother... 

_No. No no no no no no no._ He thought.He opened his mouth to tell Jimmy to leave when Jimmy spoke instead.

“I'm sorry, Castiel. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. Your mother talked to me... She cried, saying how happy she was. She said she was so proud of you, and she said that she couldn't believe that you're all grown up now. She didn't say that she was sad she missed that, you growing up, but I know she is. She misses you and loves you so much. That made me realize that I was wrong to... to... not accept you. I'm really sorry. It was just new to me, you know? I've never known any gay people--”

Castiel snorted at that.

“-- and I just wasn't used to it. It scared me, because I didn't know how to deal with it. I'm really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me,” he said. When he stopped, the silence was so overpowering that Castiel fell onto Gabriel's bed, sitting slumped and staring at his father, bewildered. He had not been expecting... that.

Too many thoughts were swirling through his head. His mother knew he was gay? She'd missed more than half of his life, but she knew that he was gay. And she still loved him. That was amazing. She loves him, and she misses him.

_She's proud of me_.

Then it occurred to him that his father was expecting an answer. He'd actually seen that he was in the wrong, that he was being discriminating, and he was asking for a second chance. On the one hand, Castiel never thought the old man would open his eyes and change his ways. But on the other hand... he had completely ignored him. He'd called him disgusting, he'd refused to speak to him, he'd been ashamed.

Was that something that could be forgiven and forgotten? Castiel wasn't so sure.

“Dad...” he managed, feeling weird to say the word. Jimmy didn't feel like a “dad” to him anymore. His eyes were tearing up again, and he wanted to punch himself when he felt a single tear involuntarily roll down his cheek.

“Dad,” he repeated, voice wobbling. “Thank you. Thank you for... For realizing what you've done... But I don't know--if I can forgive you! You have--no idea how much it hurts to have your own--parent--turn you away like that. You didn't even acknowledge me! It was like--I didn't exist anymore!” he said in a rush, the tears not stopping as his breath began to quicken. Jimmy stood up.

“Buddy--”

“ _Don't call me buddy!_ ” Castiel screamed, suddenly filled with rage. He couldn't just apologise and expect everything to be fine. It wasn't fine. Frankly, Castiel didn't trust him. Homophobes couldn't just suddenly revert like that, and even if they could, the damage was already done. The words his father said to him regarding his sexuality burned deep, and Castiel wasn't ever going to forget them.

“Please, Castiel. Forgive me. I'm sorry.”

“ _I'm not going to forgive you just so you can feel better!_ ” Castiel yelled, anger beginning to boil. “Do you even know what you did? You didn't just handle something wrongly, _you made me feel like shit! You made me fucking miserable!_ ”

“Watch your language!”

“Fuck you, Dad!” Castiel yelled, throwing his arms up in the air in defiance.

“You can't talk to me that way! _I'm your father!_ ” Jimmy yelled in retaliation, but other than that he had nothing else to say.

“I tried to apologise but obviously you don't care. Fine. Goodbye, Castiel!” he said loudly, and with that he left, slamming the door so hard behind him that picture frames on the wall rattled.

“ _Fuck!_ ” Castiel screamed again, before diving onto his own bed. He grabbed at the sheets, gathering them into a big bundle in his arms and dumped them on the floor in the corner, then returned to his bed to burrow into the mattress. Not only was he beyond enraged at his father, he was humiliated with himself. He hated letting his emotions run out of control like that, and part of him felt like it was all for nothing. Just an overreaction. And he also had an uncomfortable feeling that he couldn't describe regarding his mother and what his father had just told him about her. Add it all up and what do you get? One incredibly upset teenage boy that just didn't know how to cope.

He thought about all these things for hours, and his sobbing subdued to the occasional shaky breath after about 45 minutes.

He laid there until the baby blue sky outside darkened to an inky navy.

He laid there until Gabriel came in, saying nothing, and climbed into his bed.

He took his phone out of his pocket and texted Dean.

He laid there, waiting for the screen to glow up for five minutes. Ten. Twenty. Thirty.

He fell asleep.


End file.
